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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Flaunting on facebook when your DH is awaiting trial

148 replies

MuseumofInnocence · 01/12/2018 18:56

Facebook, I know, work of the devil ... I have an acquaintance whose husband was arrested for drugs trafficking recently. They're out on bail and awaiting trial which could result in a few years in prison as it was in the papers and he was caught red handed. Their facebook is full of pictures of their happy family and their holidays. Their facebook had always been full of travel shots in lovely locations.

I don't think many people know about it as while it was in the local papers, he was arrested a long way from their local area. But there's no doubt it's him.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this is kind of shameless?

OP posts:

Ceilingrose · 01/12/2018 23:21

And I mean " your" in the sense of everybody, not OP.

CoughLaughFart · 01/12/2018 23:22

*Amazed at all these drug dealer apologisers!

Op I agree with you! It’s in bad taste. They’ve dealt drugs and have made money from other people’s addictions. God knows how many lives they’ve ruined. There are real people suffering as a result of drugs and I’m shocked people don’t care about this!*

I haven’t seen anyone being an apologist for drug dealers. What I have seen is several people pointing out that this is a case yet to come to trial, so the OP has no proof that her friend’s husband is guilty. Also, you incorrectly state that ‘they’ve dealt drugs’. Apart from assuming the husband’s guilt, the wife hasn’t even been accused.

Coldshoulders · 01/12/2018 23:25

I don't think people don't care about what drug dealers do to people's lives because obviously people are aware of what drugs do to people in this day n age it would be very stupid to go out scoring drugs willingly then take them until addiction kicks in, most people have been affected by this as drugs have a ripple effect on the family and people who love n care for them. But people can post what they like on fb and if u don't like them or their life style then unfriend them bit strange having a local drug dealers gf on fb n then slag them off for having a nice lifestyle from money she assumes comes from drugs which may not be the case. Just saying it's not like these people don't want to buy the drugs so they are as much part of the circle as the people selling the drugs.

Newsername · 01/12/2018 23:26

As far as I’m concerned, if she’s flaunting the money acquired from drug dealing, then she’s a part of it too.

Like someone said above, any innocent and humble person would keep a low profile if they were accused of something like this. It’s very arrogant to post pictures of wealth when your husbands been accused of drug dealing!

Original poster

MuseumofInnocence · 01/12/2018 23:36

Look, I know I'm displaying a negative emotion here. I am judging, I feel a bit angry that someone I know has been flaunting their wealth, and then I find out that her husband has been arrested with drugs worth hundreds of thousands of pounds in the back of the van. I am only assuming that some of the previous trips have been funded by drugs movey. I don't know how deep down, they are both feeling. I don't know if it was a one off, a mistake, and I'm sure the jury will make the right call.

For those questioning the truth, it is absolutely true (I'm not going to link to the news reports)

OP posts:

CoughLaughFart · 01/12/2018 23:39

If you’re that bothered, unfriend her. At the moment it sounds like you’re enjoying being outraged.

Coldshoulders · 01/12/2018 23:41

Well if u feel angry about it drop her a nice fb msg and tell her how her life style is affecting u and why u feel so angry about it. She might of not even realised her lifestyle was an issue to u tbh sure she wasn't posting things to directly upset u tbh

Haffiana · 01/12/2018 23:48

Makes you realise how it is possible that FB etc are cited as the cause of the appalling decline in mental health state in this country, particularly among young women.

People don't know what a real life is anymore.

RCohle · 01/12/2018 23:56

You sound judgmental and jealous. He hasn't even been convicted of anything yet.

I don't think your friend should have to wear sack-cloth and ashes in a show of public remorse for her husband's (alleged) actions that she may well have known nothing about.

Just unfollow her.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 01/12/2018 23:59

OP you can be as judgey as you like. if their holidays are being funded by drug money and then they post smug pictures about it what do they expect?

BruegelTheEIder · 02/12/2018 00:05

Flaunting your wealth is distasteful regardless of how you earned it.

That said, if you don't want to be subjected to people flaunting their wealth, it's probably best not to use social media in the first place.

Coldshoulders · 02/12/2018 00:07

Why even have a drug dealers girlfriend as a friend on fb? Yeh she can be as judgy as she likes but why be friends with someone if u don't agree with their life style? Why even bother yourself with that Idk.

Bluerussian · 02/12/2018 00:08

What's with this word, 'judgey'? I'm sure there is no such word. Judgemental is correct.

I honestly don't think the op is right to make a judgement about her friend. If I had a friend whose husband was in trouble, I'd support her. I imagine the friend wants everything to appear as normal as possible while not everyone knows about the alleged crime. You can't blame her for that. Facebook definitely does suck though.

Original poster

MuseumofInnocence · 02/12/2018 00:10

Long story short, I think some of you of assuming that drug dealers are other, bad people. The acquaintance is middle class, is in all other respects a normal person. I know her from a while back, and I was a bit suspect how they seemed to have a lavish lifestyle.

OP posts:

Original poster

MuseumofInnocence · 02/12/2018 00:11

Fair play about the word judgey. It is judgemental, and I guess it's a sin

OP posts:

Coldshoulders · 02/12/2018 00:15

So it's her lifestyle that's the problem? If she's your friend why don't u just ask her. I personally wouldn't let someone else's life style affect me in such a negative way. You seem to of already made ur mind up about how the life style is funded. Why's it even such a big deal to u if they are earning money from selling drugs and under investigation they will get their karma.

TrippingTheVelvet · 02/12/2018 00:33

Not everything illegal is immoral -although drug dealing is- but everything legal isn't moral -like your judging and lack of empathy--.

Notquiteagandt · 02/12/2018 02:02

Im confused how hes traveled. Surely bail comes with the terms not to travel. Espesially for trafficing...which erm involves travel. Surely they would take his passport off him? For such a charge id imagine hed also be curfewed and tagged?

I dont think hes been charged.

DistanceCall · 02/12/2018 02:13

greendale17 I only have a FB account in the name of a dead pet so I can see pictures of my sister's children.

I don't think saying that it's not a good idea to believe everything you see on social media is that outrageous.

EmeraldShamrock · 02/12/2018 04:43

It is probably a badge of honour. There is a beautiful looking young lady around here all the teens look up to her, her partner is only out of prison for drug dealing and involved in a serious gang. They have recently been to Dubai first class flights beautiful hotel all over Facebook and Instagram.
I remind my niece's how they kill familys for that money.

TruffleShuffles · 02/12/2018 06:29

Judge away OP. Isn’t that the point of Facebook? To put on your perfect lives for all the likes and comments? The fact that this life was funded by something that kills people and ruins lives is appalling, I’m quite surprised at how many people here seem to think it’s a minor crime.

CleanBee · 02/12/2018 06:41

I don’t think it’s a minor crime at all! But he’s been charged (I think!), not convicted. He’s entitled to a trial.

Coldshoulders · 02/12/2018 10:44

I don't think I read any comments saying it's a minor crime. End of the day if she doesn't like how this person's life style is she can either ignore unfriend or drop her an inbox. Personally why have someone as a friend on fb if u don't like what they are posting and if it's making u feel angry? It doesn't even make sense everyone knows u can't go travelling abroad when u are on bail and everyone knows if police suspect your money is coming from illegal activities then they can seize/freeze your money until u can prove u have earned it legit. On a previous comment op said this woman was middle class so who's to say her holiday was even funded by drugs? Has this guy actually been convicted? Yes drugs do destroy families but so do the addicts! My brother tore my family appart with his shitty drug taking n selfish behaviour and who do I blame the guy round the corner who sells drugs? Prob like 5 on the same estate or the family member who willingly went out to buy that shit and chose to take it. Addicts ain't innocent whatsoever. All part of a disgusting circle n they are part of it. It's the people's children and family members who get judged who are the victims. And even if this guy is convicted and sent to prison someone else will just pick up where he left off and the addicts won't be arsed where they get their drugs or how they get their drugs as long as they get them. Or if op is getting very upset she could just ring the police herself n tell them this girl on fb is having a lavish lifestyle and going on holidays and acting smug I don't like it and even though her boyfriend has been under investigation by the police I'm not happy they have done a thorough investigation and i would like u to either go round and tell her to stop being smug on fb stop having family holidays because her boyfriend broke the law so ultimately she shouldn't be on holidays because u think it's wrong! Or u could simply remove her as a friend stop getting angry and upset over your friends life style n move on. Not everyone in the family will be selling drugs surely if they suspect her she would of been arrested aswell. Shows how the family do get judged when chances are this girl has done nothing wrong. But her boyfriend apparently has so that means she also has.

Original poster

MuseumofInnocence · 02/12/2018 10:50

By the way, for interest, I'm not friends with acquaintance on FB. We once were, but I was having a nosy peak. I know I'm only seeing part of the picture, I know that Facebook isn't real. I don't know if how much, or if any of the holidays were paid for by drugs money. I'm making an assumption.

OP posts:

Coldshoulders · 02/12/2018 10:58

So she's not even a friend of urs? And it upsets and angers u but u still have a peak? I think that's pretty weird. Why would u even want to look if u felt this way about her lifestyle? So u don't actually know it's funded from drugs u just assume. Brilliant for her then let her know your assumptions maybe she will start acting more shameful just incase u decide to have a peak 😂 omg seriously

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