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AIBU?

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Original poster

Flaunting on facebook when your DH is awaiting trial

148 replies

MuseumofInnocence · 01/12/2018 18:56

Facebook, I know, work of the devil ... I have an acquaintance whose husband was arrested for drugs trafficking recently. They're out on bail and awaiting trial which could result in a few years in prison as it was in the papers and he was caught red handed. Their facebook is full of pictures of their happy family and their holidays. Their facebook had always been full of travel shots in lovely locations.

I don't think many people know about it as while it was in the local papers, he was arrested a long way from their local area. But there's no doubt it's him.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this is kind of shameless?

OP posts:
Original poster
MuseumofInnocence · 02/12/2018 11:06

Ok, perhaps I should withhold any judgements until after the trial!

OP posts:
MrsAJ27 · 02/12/2018 11:06

Why don't you just mind your own business and focus on your own life?

Original poster
MuseumofInnocence · 02/12/2018 11:10

I do have the ability to focus on several things - my family, work, the news, the state of US politics, books that I read, the latest twist in House of Cards, and even other people in my social orbit. Agree, it's a waste of time. Assuming he's guilty, he will justifiably punished for it.

OP posts:
Coldshoulders · 02/12/2018 11:14

If she's not your friend how is she in your social orbit? I think u got angry because u are jelous over the lavish lifestyle and came on here for validation and for people to agree with u but spying on random people's Facebook isn't cool especially if u don't like them! Hopefully the guy will be convicted and sent to prison if he's guilty and u won't need to worry about this guy selling drugs to the kids on the street no wait that's not what ur worried about tho it's about her having a life style u can't have urself, jealously all the way.

Coldshoulders · 02/12/2018 11:17

With drugs being such a hype nowadays I think alot of people will know what type of family u are referring to as there will be one in every area but there's no need to concern urself over where she goes on holiday or if she's posting family photos which everyone does on fb. 🤷‍♀️

Bluntness100 · 02/12/2018 11:20

You sound envious of their lifestyle, you want them to feel shame, you feel bitter when you see them having fun or leading as you call it a "privileged" life and want him to be guilty.

Unfriend and think about your motivations here. Your feelings are about you.

On a seperate note I've no clue why social media is so popular when so many people use it and are just consumed by envy and bad feelings when they do.

Original poster
MuseumofInnocence · 02/12/2018 11:20

If she's not your friend how is she in your social orbit?

Do you not have colleagues or acquaintances?

I don't particularly need validation here, and actually, given that her husband is likely to go to prison and leave her a single mother, I don't think I'm particularly jealous of her lifestyle. I don't think they are in a very enviable position.

I think on MN, it is a bit of a cardinal sin to judge, even drugs dealers. (It's her FB, but he's part of the perfect family set up, smiling away on holiday, with people saying what a perfect family they are.

I will keep an eye on what happens when it comes to trial, but in the mean time, I will attempt to be a little more Christian.

OP posts:
Coldshoulders · 02/12/2018 11:28

Yeh I do have acquaintances but I only associate with people I actually want to associate with and don't think it's nice to judge someone by someone else's actions. But he's her bf he's part of her life so now she's guilty is she? 😂 told u it's the family members and the children who are being judged. But if she's an acquaintance of yours and she's with him but u consider her part of ur social orbit then does that mean that u urself are in a position to be judged for his actions? 😂

CoughLaughFart · 02/12/2018 11:30

It’s nothing to do with being ‘Christian’ or it somehow being taboo to judge drug dealers. It’s the fact that you’ve decided he’s guilty when a jury hasn’t had that chance yet. If these pictures are current (you’ve never confirmed this) I’d have serious doubts that he’s actually awaiting trial at all, never mind for something as serious as trafficking. Why hasn’t his passport been seized, even if he’s not on remand?

Are you sure that, given you don’t know this woman well and that the arrest wasn’t widely reported, that it isn’t a case of Chinese whispers or you extrapolating? The charges could have been dropped for all you know.

Original poster
MuseumofInnocence · 02/12/2018 11:33

ur social orbit then does that mean that u urself are in a position to be judged for his actions?

That doesn't make sense at all. I should withhold judgement on a) whether he is guilty and b) to what extent she was aware what he did for work. I don't know everything my DP does for work, and I assume it's criminal. She may well be an innocent party in this.

OP posts:
Original poster
MuseumofInnocence · 02/12/2018 11:36

To confirm, I do know the pictures are recent. Two, I do know with 100% certainty that he has been charged and is awaiting trial, and three I know exactly what crime he has been charged with. To add something I haven't revealed, the arrest took place in a different legal jurisdiction where court records for ongoing trials are public.

OP posts:
Original poster
MuseumofInnocence · 02/12/2018 11:39

going back, I assume what my DP does isn't criminal

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Coldshoulders · 02/12/2018 11:43

How does it not make sense ur basically saying she's prob involved as she's his gf n she's being smug flaunting her family holidays all over fb which is prob paid for with drug money and yet u claim she's in ur social orbit and he's in her social orbit so basically ur all in the same social orbit but ur not in a position to be judged even tho u associate with known criminals and drug dealers? Or suspected drug dealers and their family members? Hmmm ok then

Original poster
MuseumofInnocence · 02/12/2018 11:47

Coldshoulder, that really doesn't make sense Confused.

I would imagine you can understand that one's implication could exist on a spectrum. Take Melania Trump as a theoretical example. Let's say she is vaguely aware that her Husband is involved in money laundering, and financially benefits from that. If she were aware, would she be more involved in someone who once met Donald Trump at a cocktail reception?

OP posts:
Xenia · 02/12/2018 11:51

We all know everyone is innocent until prove guilty. I would wait for the verdict first.

LuluBellaBlue · 02/12/2018 11:55

Wow I can’t believe so many people are assuming the holidays came from drug money!
Talk about making assumptions and judgements with no real facts known!!

Coldshoulders · 02/12/2018 11:59

Why are we even going down the Donald trump road here 😂 if she's guilty also because she's an associate of his then so are all her associates and family and friends who knew or suspected and didn't act up onit. All part of the circle of crime. I myself don't concern myself or associate with drug dealers or their family members because a) I don't agree with it b) if I'm not around them or involved or concerned with their life style then I cannot be judged or looked upon like I'm part of that circle. If u judge her because u assume then people may make the assumption that u urself having associates who u suspect deal drugs may not be squeeky clean that's what I'm saying one rule for one one rule for another. My brother went prison earlier this year (well deserved) and he's also a drug addict and it is really lovley how people hear that and make an assumption that I'm in any way involved or I agree with his actions because they was not my actions I had no control over what he chooses to do with him being an adult. Bad enough having these things happening without being judged for it. I am judged by my brothers actions and i don't give 2 fucks what the local busy body has to say because end of the day I would rather be bettering my life and ignore the stupid stuff people make up or exaggerate or proport to know when it's all based on hearsay.

Original poster
MuseumofInnocence · 02/12/2018 12:00

Fair enough, I'll wait for the trial and see what happens.

However, if he is found guilty, and assuming he got paid for trafficking, it's a little hard to avoid the assumption that that money, directly, or indirectly, did not fund part of their lifestyle.

OP posts:
BakedBeans47 · 02/12/2018 12:01

YANBU but I could guess how some of the posts would go before I even read the thread. That poor woman, nothing to do with her, yada yada. He’s scum and she’s happily lived off the profits of misery so she’s as bad.

LuluBellaBlue · 02/12/2018 12:09

That will be up to the courts to decide. They will have to prove how they funded those holidays and if it was through illegal means they will have to repay it.
Perhaps they are wealthy through other means.

LakieLady · 02/12/2018 12:12

But that given that he has been involved in destroying lives, taken illegal money, they are flaunting their happy family on holiday. I would sort of think they would feel some shame.

If they'd been the sort of people that felt shame, they wouldn't have been living off the proceeds of crime all these years.

woollyheart · 02/12/2018 12:13

You are ignoring the fact that not all people feel shame in the same way.

If he was the sort of person who easily feels ashamed, he probably wouldn't be dealing in drugs in the first place.

Coldshoulders · 02/12/2018 12:14

Fair enough but wouldnt the police seize his money and lavish assets until he could prove how the paid for them? Or prove where the money came from? I'm pretty sure they would it would be part of the investigation and part of the evidence. Also unless the woman has been arrested and charged herself for selling drugs there is no evidence that she has herself done so? I would be wondering why someone else's fb post upsets me so much someone I don't even have as a friend on fb someone I only class as an associate. Not everyone with a criminal family member is involved or is a criminal themselves. Usually u just get the one bad egg not the full lot.

Sockwomble · 02/12/2018 12:19

Getting her savings below £6000.

Babyroobs · 02/12/2018 12:21

In our village a local man was convicted of his part in a huge cocaine ring that ruined countless lives. The local fb page reported it and his family were bleating and complaining because his wife and kids still lived in the village and didn't want it reported in the local area !! Maybe he should have thought about the effect on his family would be before he started getting involved.