Another Christmas dinner one ...

[BlueskiesLonglies]

So it's been arranged for months that my DH and I are hosting Christmas dinner for my parents and brother and family. PILs are overseas and my husband has no siblings locally, so it's been this way for a looooong time. We are very traditional in the sense we always have turkey for Christmas dinner, and for the last eight years, we have hosted Christmas and had traditional turkey. I enjoy this, we provide everything and always have a great day.

My DM has invited us round for dinner on Boxing Day. This is very unusual. To put it into context I have been married for ten years with two kids and we have NEVER been invited over for a meal - we never really get invited for any reason. They live about a twenty minute drive from us in a rural location, so we wouldn't be passing for any reason and would have to go out our way to visit - which we would if we were invited. My parents both work full time so their time off is limited which hasn't helped. They don't like people turning up uninvited. My DH and I also work full time, kids at school and extra curricular activities so wouldn't just be passing their house for any reason as it's very out the way. I think part of the reason we have never been invited is because my DM does not like hosting, does not cook and doesn't have a table to sit at in her house.

I have welcomed this invite and really looking forward to it - however my mum has said she's making a turkey dinner. My DH is put out because this is what we have planned to make on Christmas Day, as we have done every year. WIBU to say we don't want this as we planned to make it on Christmas Day and don't want the same dinner twice ? Should I suck it up and be grateful for a rare (never before happened) invite for a meal ?

My worries are if I say that we don't want turkey my mum will rescind the invitation, or take it very personally. I suggested to my husband we make a beef or ham, but he says it's traditional for turkey on Christmas Day and why should we change what we were planning to make ?

I know this seems petty but it's nagging me !! Thanks for any wise words!

Just suck it up. Most times, when you’re invited round to soneone’s for a meal, you don’t know in advance what it’ll be.

We always have left over turkey on st Stephens day,. Regardless I think you'd be incredibly rude to tell your hosts what they can or can't cook you.

You either cook something else on christmas day or you suck it up

What a bizarre thing for her to do. It sounds like a hollow invitation. If she makes it unappealing to you, you won't go, but she had offered. ifswim. Explain you're doing the turkey on Christmas day and if she sticks to her guns, then you decide if it's a goer.

Your husband sounds like he is being deliberately difficult. Most people end up eating left over turkey on Boxing Day anyway, at least yours will be fresh. It sounds like this long awaited invitation is important to you, tell him to drop it.

Sorry but you're being petty. So what if you have turkey two days in a row? You won't die. You've been invited which she never does, if you really can't possibly have turkey twice in a row (which surely there are some leftovers for boxing day anyway?) then decline, but i wouldn't say its because of the turkey.

What a bizarre thing for her to do. It sounds like a hollow invitation. If she makes it unappealing to you, you won't go, but she had offered. if swim

That’s a very cynical view of it. To me, she’s making a big effort to do something properly Christmassy.

That's a good point about usually eating leftover turkey on Christmas Day haha. I don't want to rock the boat by saying anything, I just see my husbands point of view too. We have had a turkey ordered for weeks now, as there was no question that that was what we would be preparing.

Suck it up.
It really won't kill your dh to eat Turkey twice.
It would be extremely rude to ask her to change her plans and yes she would be hurt or rescind the invite and bloody understandably.

You would be really rude to ask her to make something else. It’s up to her what she cooks for guests. You can change your Christmas Day plans if you want something different, but equally I don’t think it will kill you to have the same dinner two days in a row.

Ihooeyourcakeisshit we may have to change our plans now on the back of this - is that not a bit rude not to consider what we would be preparing for Christmas dinner ?

I think it would be really rude to tell your hosts what you do and don't want to eat, unless you have any dietary requirements. Just eat turkey twice in a row. Or have something different at home. We started having duck or goose or beef as we realised turkey is boring (to us) and we were doing something no one really enjoyed for the sake of tradition - and from what I understand it's a fairly modern tradition anyway

Jesus, just have turkey twice. You obviously like it, so you get to have it again the next day.

So you're going to be eating turkey on consecutive days. It's not really problem is it?

I understand your frustration. I’d feel the same - the turkey is for actual Christmas Day. Boxing Day is for leftovers or maybe a buffet style dinner, that’s what we always do anyway. My mum hosts Boxing Day and does a buffet and I take along the leftover turkey, stuffing etc from Xmas day when I host.

In your situation, given the rare invite, I’d be tempted to let her do the turkey and chose something else for Christmas Day. It does seem odd that she wants to do this when it’s what she has had at yours on Xmas day for the last 8 years! Could you bring it up lightly with a casual, ‘gosh I can’t decide what to do for Xmas dinner seeing as you’ll do the turkey on Boxing Day...any suggestions/what do you think will work??’. Maybe she thinks you’ll do the same as always and she will repeat. But who wants the same dinner 2 days in a row!

Otherwise, say nothing, choose ham, beef, steak, pie, beef Wellington, salmon and tell DH to keep quiet and enjoy the rare invite...

Everyone does turkey dinner a bit differently, and it won't kill DH to have it two days running.

In your situation I think I'd say in passing that I had my own turkey on order so Mum also knows you are cooking turkey on Christmas day - not saying there's a problem, just so that she realises herself that she will be having it two days running.

I love having turkey two days in a row so I really can’t see the issue. But I guess to some people it might be a really big deal, but I do think he is being a bit silly.

No, you can’t expect or request that she make something different, I think that’s really rude.

Why don’t you consider doing a goose or two on your day? Just as nice (actually nicer IMO, like a more flavourful turkey) and actually easier to cook as there’s less to go wrong.

Otherwise I would definitely suck it up. It’s really not a big deal.

I think I would just not say anything

I think if there had perhaps been a discussion about it I might not be miffed. Well miffed isn't really the right word - I'm taken aback that she knows we would be having turkey on Christmas Day and it's a bit strange to do the EXACT same meal the very next day! It wouldn't be leftovers either.

It's an odd thing to do surely has she got a free turkey or something?

I'm having two Christmas Dinners and I can't bloody wait!! Why would anyone turn down two roast dinners?? Christmas Day with my daughter and her family, then Boxing Day at my brother's with his family (they are both working on Christmas Day so this will be their Christmas lunch).

This will be the first year I've ever not cooked it too...beyond excited!! You are being ungrateful and rude.

Just eat turkey for both days and enjoy the invitation. It’s not as if you don’t like it. It would be rude to complain.

Ecofluffy - if I was ungrateful and rude I would have told her exactly how bizarre I think the situation is! I am actually taking into account her feelings, so no need to tell me I'm being rude OR ungrateful. I am grateful for the invitation, and I'm not sure why you think I'm not.

Why didn't you just say when she told you "oh, well I hope you don't mind Turkey two days in a row, that's what we always make on Christmas Day" or something similar?

As a kids we always had Christmas at home with my nan and grandad over then, Boxing Day we would go to their house.
Both days we would have a full on Christmas dinner but we loved it because my mums dinner and nans dinner were never the same even though it was turkey dinner because they have a different way of cooking. So I’d say Forget about it, go to your mums and have a fab time.