Another Christmas dinner one ...

[BlueskiesLonglies]

So it's been arranged for months that my DH and I are hosting Christmas dinner for my parents and brother and family. PILs are overseas and my husband has no siblings locally, so it's been this way for a looooong time. We are very traditional in the sense we always have turkey for Christmas dinner, and for the last eight years, we have hosted Christmas and had traditional turkey. I enjoy this, we provide everything and always have a great day.

My DM has invited us round for dinner on Boxing Day. This is very unusual. To put it into context I have been married for ten years with two kids and we have NEVER been invited over for a meal - we never really get invited for any reason. They live about a twenty minute drive from us in a rural location, so we wouldn't be passing for any reason and would have to go out our way to visit - which we would if we were invited. My parents both work full time so their time off is limited which hasn't helped. They don't like people turning up uninvited. My DH and I also work full time, kids at school and extra curricular activities so wouldn't just be passing their house for any reason as it's very out the way. I think part of the reason we have never been invited is because my DM does not like hosting, does not cook and doesn't have a table to sit at in her house.

I have welcomed this invite and really looking forward to it - however my mum has said she's making a turkey dinner. My DH is put out because this is what we have planned to make on Christmas Day, as we have done every year. WIBU to say we don't want this as we planned to make it on Christmas Day and don't want the same dinner twice ? Should I suck it up and be grateful for a rare (never before happened) invite for a meal ?

My worries are if I say that we don't want turkey my mum will rescind the invitation, or take it very personally. I suggested to my husband we make a beef or ham, but he says it's traditional for turkey on Christmas Day and why should we change what we were planning to make ?

I know this seems petty but it's nagging me !! Thanks for any wise words!

This really isn't a problem!

WE have about 4 Chrismas dinners over Christmas as we have to do about 4 family Christmases.

Its never occurred to me that its the same food 4 days in a row.

I am not shocked that your DM has never invited you round for dinner, considering that you are so precious that you cannot cope with eating the same thing two days in a row.
You and your husband sound like very hard work.

Just ask for a small amount of turkey at your mum's? Or maybe have a small portion of turkey at yours and have extra pigs in blankets instead? Goose is also traditional for Christmas dinner and much nicer than turkey, so you could change things up and have that instead?

I don't think it's odd at all. Turkey roast is just the standard Christmas fare. Also available at all Xmas lunches and dinners during the whole month or December.

A fresh turkey roast 2 days in a row sounds fab to me. We usually have it fresh on 25th then the leftovers warmed up with fresh veg etc the next day. How strange to be offended by this invite.

What's she's omitted to tell you is she's making it out your leftovers

Good grief, this has to absolutely be the most first world problem ever.

"Woe is me, I live in a country where I am able to access safe and healthy food, and I'm being forced (forced, I tell you!) to eat the same meat two days in a row! What about my human rights?"

Talk about first world problems! So what? Two turkey roasts in two days. Oh the absolute agony of it.

I have seen a couple of threads like this before. It seems some tiny amount of people think of being invited to someone's house for dinner as the equivalent of going to a restaurant. It's all about the food and what they will eat. A free meal basically. So they focus on what they will get. The op even calls it "the menu".

For the overwhelming majority, it's about being with that person, the fact they made an effort to cook for them, the social occasion and the food is fairly irrelevant and not something you'd complain about or even think twice about.

I suspect the op and her husband fall into the first camp, all they are thinking about is they are getting a free meal and focusing on the food.

My daughter had pizza for lunch AND dinner on Friday. She managed to muddle through. I suppose children tend to be fairly resilient, though.

Say thank you for your invitation and tell her you will bring the meat so it will save her time and money then make a roasted ham or beef and take it with you, you look kind for offering and that way you can have what you like?

Actually, if I were hosting, I would think it distinctly odd / sort of taking over if someone indicated they wanted to cook and bring along the main part of the meal!

Actually, if I were hosting, I would think it distinctly odd / sort of taking over if someone indicated they wanted to cook and bring along the main part of the meal!

I totally agree.

We have at least three within four days. Can't see anything wrong with it. Let her do it and stop creating a drama. Everyone has their own slant on the meal even down to the gravy. Thank her for the invite and be thankful you get two. Plenty of people don't get even one.

Why don't you cook a ham and take it as your contribution? This is what I do whenever we are invited anywhere Boxing Day as I'm all turkeyed out after Christmas dinner and cold turkey in the evening!

Having rtft just want to point out that the ham wouldn't be a replacement for the turkey but an addition to the meal!

Oh please god, just eat the turkey, EAT THE TURKEY, EAT THE TURKEY!

I would just go.

If any comments or suggestions are made, she may think twice about offering in future - it seems you get on well with your mum, so just go, and enjoy

The word turkey is starting to look very wrong now

Haven't RTFT, but perhaps this is your mum's way of telling you that she'd like to do a full-on Christmas dinner for a change? Maybe she's sick of not having Christmas day in her own home – your parents might feel obliged to come to yours because you've set yourselves up as hosts for eight years running. Why don't you just asking her what's her thinking behind doing the same meal on Boxing Day?

OP, I'd really like to know if you've actually discussed the issue with your Mum (rather than thousands of strangers on the internet).

"Hi Mum - really looking forward to seeing you on Boxing Day, just wondered if we could have a quick chat about the menu, as I'm sure you realise we're doing the traditional turkey and trimmings for you on Christmas Day. Are you really sure you meant to serve the same meal twice? That's up to you of course but do let me know what I can do to help and make things easier."

Oh please god, just eat the turkey, EAT THE TURKEY, EAT THE TURKEY!

Ha, totally just read that in Phoebe from Friends voice, just substituting "pick up the sock" for "eat the turkey!" lol

grumio; - that’s a bit passive aggressive / patronising (I think)

Yes’m that’s exactly how I read it (Phoebe from Friends)

I can't believe you're even complaining about this OP. Both myself and my DH really wish we had even one parent between us, but we don't. You're very lucky to have family to spend Christmas with just eat the bloody turkey fgs

How so Aridane ? People on MN are always asking for advice about how to word requests etc.

The OP hasn't made it clear from any of her posts how/whether she has discussed the double-turkey issue directly with her Mum.

Anyway, apologies to the OP if I came across as patronising. Not my intention.