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AIBU?

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Original poster

Another Christmas dinner one ...

149 replies

BlueskiesLonglies · 01/12/2018 16:14

So it's been arranged for months that my DH and I are hosting Christmas dinner for my parents and brother and family. PILs are overseas and my husband has no siblings locally, so it's been this way for a looooong time. We are very traditional in the sense we always have turkey for Christmas dinner, and for the last eight years, we have hosted Christmas and had traditional turkey. I enjoy this, we provide everything and always have a great day.

My DM has invited us round for dinner on Boxing Day. This is very unusual. To put it into context I have been married for ten years with two kids and we have NEVER been invited over for a meal - we never really get invited for any reason. They live about a twenty minute drive from us in a rural location, so we wouldn't be passing for any reason and would have to go out our way to visit - which we would if we were invited. My parents both work full time so their time off is limited which hasn't helped. They don't like people turning up uninvited. My DH and I also work full time, kids at school and extra curricular activities so wouldn't just be passing their house for any reason as it's very out the way. I think part of the reason we have never been invited is because my DM does not like hosting, does not cook and doesn't have a table to sit at in her house.

I have welcomed this invite and really looking forward to it - however my mum has said she's making a turkey dinner. My DH is put out because this is what we have planned to make on Christmas Day, as we have done every year. WIBU to say we don't want this as we planned to make it on Christmas Day and don't want the same dinner twice ? Should I suck it up and be grateful for a rare (never before happened) invite for a meal ?

My worries are if I say that we don't want turkey my mum will rescind the invitation, or take it very personally. I suggested to my husband we make a beef or ham, but he says it's traditional for turkey on Christmas Day and why should we change what we were planning to make ?

I know this seems petty but it's nagging me !! Thanks for any wise words!

OP posts:
MerdedeBrexit · 01/12/2018 18:57

And goose is much nicer than turkey, HeathRobinson, but doesn't go as far unless you do loads and loads of lovely stuffing!

Original poster
BlueskiesLonglies · 01/12/2018 19:01

I haven't created a fuss.... merely saught opinions on how a host might feel being asked to change a menu .......... I'm getting the vibe it's an absolute no no!!!! I haven't said a word about ur or threatened not to go. I just think it's bizarre if you are going somewhere for a meal, to suggest the exact same thing the next night !!!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 01/12/2018 19:06

Good lord. This can't be real, no one is this petty, never mind bite members of a married couple.

"I'm all taken aback, put out and miffed you will be cooking turkey when I had it thr day before, so please change your menu or we can't come, but thanks for inviting us"

Surely not. I mean seriously. Surely not.

Original poster
BlueskiesLonglies · 01/12/2018 19:10

That's the kind of response I would actually expect from my mum bluntness !!!

OP posts:
Inertia · 01/12/2018 19:13

If she doesn’t cook , is she expecting to take the leftover turkey from your Christmas dinner?

It’s not uncommon to have two kinds of meat for Christmas dinner, so if you’re bothered about turkey overload could you have a gammon joint and a smaller turkey?

NorthernKnickers · 01/12/2018 19:18

@GreatDuckCookery I would...honestly!!

Bluntness100 · 01/12/2018 19:22

That's the kind of response I would actually expect from my mum bluntness

She can't be all bad then, 🤣

I mean cmon, it's turkey two days running, get over yourselves, it's not the nicest meat but hardly a major issue.

JaniceBattersby · 01/12/2018 19:25

Haven’t you ever seen Vicar of Dibley?

XiCi · 01/12/2018 19:29

That's the kind of response I would actually expect from my mum bluntness !

What, you mean a perfectly normal, sensible response. In fact the response of the majority of people on this thread. Christ, no wonder she hasn't invited you for a meal for years!

Original poster
BlueskiesLonglies · 01/12/2018 19:36

Some of you are quite cutting with your comments ! Talk about getting personal!

OP posts:
Huntawaymama · 01/12/2018 19:39

We always have two turkey days. I cook for my family Christmas day and we have turkey again with in laws on boxing day. What's wrong with two days in a row? Tbh I try and fit in as many turkey dinners as possible in December

SoftSheen · 01/12/2018 19:40

Turkey twice is a complete non-issue!

Original poster
BlueskiesLonglies · 01/12/2018 19:41

On Boxing Day it will be all the same people there too, so nobody who won't have had the same meal the day before.

OP posts:
PurpleCrowbar · 01/12/2018 19:42

Ok, so if your mum is not a particularly confident cook/host I think it would be fine to say 'You know we are planning on doing turkey & the works for Xmas day - you don't have to if you don't want to - I can bring our leftovers & you could just buy some buffet stuff?'

If she definitely wants to cook turkey, you could see if you can cancel yours & do something else for Xmas day (I used to love cooking at Xmas & would have been quite keen to have an excuse to do something different tbh).

But if you are both committed to turkey then two turkey dinners is fine. Throughout my childhood we did this to accommodate two grandmas & a cast of cousins!

I would suggest in that case that after dinner at yours you spend 10 minutes stripping the carcass. Bash up the bones & freeze until you can be bothered to use them for stock, & freeze the meat in sensible portions so you can use it in curry in January.

That way you won't be coming home from your parents' to a fridge full of yet more turkey that you feel obliged to eat immediately!

Dotty1970 · 01/12/2018 19:49

OMFG get a life, eat the bloody turkey twice, its not going to hurt! I have ham sandwiches sometimes 2 days on the run...
You and your dh sound quite petty.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 01/12/2018 19:49

We always have two turkey days

I don't know anyone that does that. The day after a big Christmas turkey dinner for me and everyone that I know is a buffet, something totally the opposite of the pig out that is Christmas dinner.

I've got indigestion just thinking about it.

bimbobaggins · 01/12/2018 19:53

You may feel that some people are being cutting but do you not realise how much of a non issue is to the majority of people.
It’s meant to be the season of goodwill. If it’s that big a deal why don’t you just change your meat?

Serialweightwatcher · 01/12/2018 19:55

I try to have the full christmas dinner for the 3 days the turkey will still be okay - I love it ... make extra on purpose so it lasts Grin

TruffleShuffles · 01/12/2018 19:56

I’m genuinely surprised about all the people who have two or more Christmas dinners over Christmas. It’s a time of the year when the shops have all foods imaginable and you pretty much have any excuse to indulge and you all repeatedly eat the blandest meat that exists.

diddl · 01/12/2018 20:00

"On Boxing Day it will be all the same people there too, so nobody who won't have had the same meal the day before."

I think that's what makes it such an odd thing for her to do.

Lots of people have turkey BD-but not necessarily roast with all the trimmings if they had that on CD.

I can see how if you visit one lot of relatives on CD & then different ones on BD you might have 2 Christmas dinners.

I suppose the fact that she has said that that is what she is doing rather than asking an opinion is what would make it rude to say anything about it.

Is she hoping that you will do something else do you think Op?

BentNeckLady · 01/12/2018 20:07

Isn’t it quite normal to have several Christmas dinners at different houses? Are you so precious you can’t eat the same thing twice? Confused

A poster on a previous page said “Lord, your poor mother”. I agree with that sentiment.

Loyaultemelie · 01/12/2018 20:14

Dh and I would (and do) eat Christmas dinners for about a week. We host, I'm veggie and do 2-3 portions of whatever I'm doing (mushroom Wellington with a twist this year) and instead of a ginormous turkey he gets 2-3 wee crowns and so can be done a few times over Christmas and new year. Dm would happily do the same but df is the opposite and begrudgingly has some turkey on Boxing Day then doesn't want anything resembling Christmas dinner until his much anticipated one the following Christmas Day.

RangeRider · 01/12/2018 20:26

Thing is, if you were inviting everyone round your house one day for sausage & mash or a curry you'd think it was a bit odd if your DM invited you round hers the next day, having been at yours, and provided exactly the same thing down to the last poppadom! Everyone would be Hmm 'lack of original thought'. Why is it not the same for this?

namechange5575 · 01/12/2018 20:49

Why's she doing the same meal? Do you think she is expecting you to change your menu? Or does she think everyone would enjoy it two days in a row? Is this he way of saying she thinks she owes you all a Christmas dinner?

Don't change your menu. And it is a bit churlish of you (your DH) to get huffy about a dinner you e been invited to.

BonnieandHyde · 01/12/2018 21:19

Totally normal here tbh. Turkey and Ham at Mums on Xmas day and the same at my Aunts on boxing day. But we love roast dinners so 🤷🏼‍♀️

What a weird thing for your DH to be bothered about.

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