Another Christmas dinner one ...

[BlueskiesLonglies]

So it's been arranged for months that my DH and I are hosting Christmas dinner for my parents and brother and family. PILs are overseas and my husband has no siblings locally, so it's been this way for a looooong time. We are very traditional in the sense we always have turkey for Christmas dinner, and for the last eight years, we have hosted Christmas and had traditional turkey. I enjoy this, we provide everything and always have a great day.

My DM has invited us round for dinner on Boxing Day. This is very unusual. To put it into context I have been married for ten years with two kids and we have NEVER been invited over for a meal - we never really get invited for any reason. They live about a twenty minute drive from us in a rural location, so we wouldn't be passing for any reason and would have to go out our way to visit - which we would if we were invited. My parents both work full time so their time off is limited which hasn't helped. They don't like people turning up uninvited. My DH and I also work full time, kids at school and extra curricular activities so wouldn't just be passing their house for any reason as it's very out the way. I think part of the reason we have never been invited is because my DM does not like hosting, does not cook and doesn't have a table to sit at in her house.

I have welcomed this invite and really looking forward to it - however my mum has said she's making a turkey dinner. My DH is put out because this is what we have planned to make on Christmas Day, as we have done every year. WIBU to say we don't want this as we planned to make it on Christmas Day and don't want the same dinner twice ? Should I suck it up and be grateful for a rare (never before happened) invite for a meal ?

My worries are if I say that we don't want turkey my mum will rescind the invitation, or take it very personally. I suggested to my husband we make a beef or ham, but he says it's traditional for turkey on Christmas Day and why should we change what we were planning to make ?

I know this seems petty but it's nagging me !! Thanks for any wise words!

I think you'd be incredibly rude to tell your hosts what they can or can't cook you.

Yes, this!

If you and your DH are this petty generally about non issues, then maybe it's no wonder she hasn't invited you to her house in 10 years!

@BlueskiesLonglies

I am also confused about the 'they live 20 minutes drive away, so it's out of our way' comment.

My kids live 30 and 40 minutes drive away, and no, they don't visit as often as they would if they were 2 streets away, but they do visit once a month. (And we visit them in between.)

That's shameful to not bother because they are '20 minutes drive away.......'

Is this you, or your grumpy husband who thinks it's too much effort to do a 20 minute to see your parents?! Sorry, but your parents being 20 minutes drive away, is not 'very out of the way!' You act like they're in Inverness, and you're in Hull!

@ecofluffynanny

It's not like she was suggesting you eat battered kangaroo penis and meal worms is it?

SOMEONE has been watching 'I'm a celebrity, get me out of here......'

I can't see the big deal about the two turkey dinners. I'd probably make a little lighthearted joke about it (assuming parents have a sense of humour).
But I'm surprised that you don't visit your parents because it would be 'out of your way'. 20 mins journey.
DH and I both work FT. We live 30+ mins away from both parents and MIL. But it's important to us that we spend time with them, that DC has a loving relationship with them. We pop over at least every 2 weeks to have a cuppa. It takes up quite a chunk of our weekends, but we do it because family is important to us.
I'm not saying your parents aren't important to you, just that the way your OP is worded implies that it's too much bother to drive 20 mins out of your way to visit them.

Doesn’t everyone eat turkey Christmas Day then Boxing Day then 27th in sandwich then 28th in soup .....

And seriously
Your mum maybe making effort as she realises she has no relationship with you.

This is so not even an issue...🙄

An you not cook a good piece of beef and gallon joint and let your mother's Turkey shine.

It sounds like she wants to cook a traditional Christmas dinner for her family but knows you’re not free to come on Christmas Day so has asked you to come and have it the day after.

It’s a nice gesture and I’d love someone to invite my family and I over for a roast and would happily eat turkey two days in a row.

Your DH is being very childish about the whole thing. Why not leave him at home with the turkey leftovers and you and the DCs go and have a lovely home cooked meal that you haven’t had to prepare, cook or wash up afterwards!

Blimey, does it really matter? Won't kill you to have two turkey dinners.
Sounds good to me.
See it about spending time with family and socialising and not what's on the menu that's important.

It will taste different and I'm sure she will make other things to go with than you have.

Do not change the type of meat on Xmas day as hers might not materialise as it's clear she doesn't like to cook or host. So she may cancel or make something else.

Am so surprised that she had never invited you over for dinner considering she lives nearby. My mum is always asking us over, not that I accept very often.

I agree with you and your DH, it does seem very odd for your DM to cook the very same meal on Boxing Day and, much as I love the full turkey roast dinner I wouldn’t want it two days running. It is quite a different ‘meal’ to have leftovers on Boxing Day. But I think all you can do is say something like ‘are you sure you want to cook a full roast on Boxing Day mum, would it be easier to have some of the cold turkey with jacket potatoes and salad?’ and see what she says.

This is so far from what would even be an issue for most people I can’t believe I’m reading it. Really, just have turkey two days in a row and one day you’ll look back and won’t believe this even crossed your mind

I we were going to my grans because it was my dads side to host.(took it in turn between hosting with dm mum and going to dd dads)we forced(nicely) mum to buy a turkey for us too so we could have our own turkey and xmas meal haha!
and that last decades later.when everyone comes home to mums for xmas and its still grandads turn to have us.we stll have to get the turkey here for us when we get back.

I thought this was pretty common at Christmas. As kids we always used to have Christmas Day at one set of grandparents and Boxing Day at the others. Both did turkey dinners two days in the row as they’d have the other grandchildren on the other day. Loved it, two Christmasses in full!

I personally wouldn’t serve a turkey dinner on Christmas Day because I’d assume that’s what most people have had the day before. However, there are two answers here - Yes or No. ‘Yes if you cook something else isn’t one of them’.

P.S. I’d love to be able to visit friends or family in just 20 minutes.

I used to have turkey for Christmas dinner with my mum and then turkey for Boxing Day dinner with my dad. Didn't realise this was odd

Your Mum is coming to you for turkey on Xmas day?

And then you are going to hers for turkey on Boxing Day?

A bit bizarre ... but I would make sure that she knows you are doing the traditional Christmas meal on the 25th. Maybe there's been a misunderstanding somewhere along the way?

Can I just make it clear - have been over for visits of course, just not for a meal in the last ten years. They tend to come to us more often as we are in the city where they both work, so they are here a lot, as supermarkets, workplaces, amenities etc are here. Thanks for all your opinions.

Just eat the fucking turkey.

Ecofluffynany, I didn't "blast" you, whatever that means, I told you why I am not ungrateful and rude. Having a think about things before you respond, and taking others feelings into account, is the opposite of rude. If I told her I wasn't coming unless she cooked something else, that would be rude I think.

I think if your mum is attempting to cook a full Christmas meal & host, neither of which she can do/enjoys, perhaps look at as being a little bit special because she's making a huge effort for you all & whilst it's similar'ish meals, it will make a nice change for you.

I would just eat turkey 2 days in a row, hardly a big problem really is it?!

If it is that much of a drama then change the meat on Christmas Day.

Obviously your parents are happy to eat it 2 days in a row as that’s what they’re planning.

It's traditional to eat goose on Christmas Day, BlueSkies.

All this fuss over eating turkey 2 days at Christmas?

All WHAT fuss? Come on the OP has hardly caused a fuss has she?

Be honest with yourselves instead of being sheep - who wants to eat a Christmas dinner two days on the bounce?

Nobody would.

This is such a non issue. Like many here I have multiple Christmas meals with different family groups and it wouldn’t cross my mind to think having turkey twice was a problem. Do you think you and/or your dh are trying to find problems with this plan?

I eat a wide variety of food. But I cannot remember a year in all my life when I have not had a roast turkey dinner 2 dsys in a row - on Christmas Day and Boxing Day. I know quite a lot of other people who do similarly.