Another Christmas dinner one ...

[BlueskiesLonglies]

So it's been arranged for months that my DH and I are hosting Christmas dinner for my parents and brother and family. PILs are overseas and my husband has no siblings locally, so it's been this way for a looooong time. We are very traditional in the sense we always have turkey for Christmas dinner, and for the last eight years, we have hosted Christmas and had traditional turkey. I enjoy this, we provide everything and always have a great day.

My DM has invited us round for dinner on Boxing Day. This is very unusual. To put it into context I have been married for ten years with two kids and we have NEVER been invited over for a meal - we never really get invited for any reason. They live about a twenty minute drive from us in a rural location, so we wouldn't be passing for any reason and would have to go out our way to visit - which we would if we were invited. My parents both work full time so their time off is limited which hasn't helped. They don't like people turning up uninvited. My DH and I also work full time, kids at school and extra curricular activities so wouldn't just be passing their house for any reason as it's very out the way. I think part of the reason we have never been invited is because my DM does not like hosting, does not cook and doesn't have a table to sit at in her house.

I have welcomed this invite and really looking forward to it - however my mum has said she's making a turkey dinner. My DH is put out because this is what we have planned to make on Christmas Day, as we have done every year. WIBU to say we don't want this as we planned to make it on Christmas Day and don't want the same dinner twice ? Should I suck it up and be grateful for a rare (never before happened) invite for a meal ?

My worries are if I say that we don't want turkey my mum will rescind the invitation, or take it very personally. I suggested to my husband we make a beef or ham, but he says it's traditional for turkey on Christmas Day and why should we change what we were planning to make ?

I know this seems petty but it's nagging me !! Thanks for any wise words!

BlueskiesLonglies reminds me of my ds.she and her partner both must be at home for their (mummys) roast dinner so my sister still comes home here and then goes to his for another roast the next day for her being there or sometimes even the same night when they have the xmas meal!she loves it now.and her gets her roast pants on accordingly.this way round it now something she lvoes and wouldn't be without. your way round has just thrown you a bit left field so feels slightly irkish.but try ge tyour head round and it take the emotional stuff away.two roast dinners.yours a xmas one.yay!

I don't get the problem of having two turkey dinners in a row and all of the extra info about not usually visiting is not really relevant.

Coming from a large family I've had Christmas dinner up to five times over the Christmas and New Year before.

I think YABU if you said you didn't want them to make a turkey dinner because you don't want it 2 days in a row.

I agree with Ladymacmuff

it's a bit strange to do the EXACT same meal the very next day!

So you would be having the same meal two days running - it's hardly the crime of the century is it? What's bizarre about it? Your reaction seems quite extreme, not to mention really ridiculous. Give your head a wobble.

You shouldn't change your dinner just because she is doing the same - you say she doesn't cook much and never hosts so I doubt hers would be on a par with yours - as for your leftovers, use them the day after that to make curry to freeze or sandwiches ... I always make the same full dinner for 2 days after.

Seriously, on what planet would this be a big deal? You're having a roast dinner 2 days in a row, hardly a problem. Your DH is a dick if he makes a big deal out of that

I really can’t see the issue here at all. I’d understand if she’d invited you for Christmas Day tea / evening and cooked it the same day but not if it’s the next day. This really isn’t something that I’d be miffed about...not worth worry about and considering changing your plans . It’s nice of her to invite you, just go and enjoy time with family where you’re not the host.

I'm confused - they live 20 minutes away (barely anything) and you never go round as it's 'out of the way?' IN 10 YEARS??

This is such a weird thing to be irked by just enjoy the out-of-the-ordinary invitation! everyone gets sick of turkey at some point during Christmas, it's just this year it may happen a little sooner for you than usual. I hope you have a lovely Christmas though!

All this fuss over eating turkey 2 days at Christmas?

Have you never made any meal and had it two days? Like a chilli one day with rice then with jacket potatoes the next day?

It seems petty love because it is 😂

Seriously OP this is a none issue. Bend a little bit.

It sounds like you're Christmas's are the same and predictable every year anyway, it might be nice to shake things up a bit

We had hot turkey dinners twice in a row every year for years before we went NC with MIL.

Never even occurred to me it might be some kind of problem

Is this not normal?! We usually have a full Christmas dinner on Christmas Day then all the leftovers (with ham) on Boxing Day! So looking forward to it.

Do you think there might be other guests there who haven’t had a Christmas dinner? You have maybe been invited to swell the numbers!

I’m with you and your husband OP, why on earth would you cook an identical meal to the one you had the previous day? It’s not like she won’t be expecting the turkey dinner you’ve cooked her for the last 9 years, she could literally have cooked anything else. To be honest I don’t think I could even stomach another Christmas dinner the day after eating one with all the trimming and presumably starter and puddings.

I’m presuming all the people saying they eat turkey leftovers aren’t doing a full on roast the next day are they? It’s completely different.

"Do you think there might be other guests there who haven’t had a Christmas dinner? "

That would perhaps explain it.

2 turkey roast meals, 2 says on the trot!

What's not to like?

Just do both.

Say thank you for your invitation and tell her you will bring the meat so it will save her time and money then make a roasted ham or beef and take it with you, you look kind for offering and that way you can have what you like?

YABU and very picky.

Think of the Vicar of Dibley and suck it up FFS

I often eat the same meal two days running as I live alone and like to cook wholesome food from scratch, put half in tupperware and eat the next day God I am soooo old

Chill OP.

But surely if you have turkey on Christmas Day you'll be eating leftovers for a week so you really don't want that extending by another day because DM is doing it too? I think it's a bit off of her given that she knows you do turkey every year. Can't you ring and say 'just checking that you said you were doing turkey as I wasn't sure if you realised that we'd be doing that as normal and you might not want to duplicate?' or something along those lines. Sound as if you couldn't remember what she'd said.

I see your point and thinks it’s a bit odd. However you can’t ask her to change her menu but equally, nor can she. So if she were to hint that you have something else you’d be right to stick to your guns. However, to be fair she doesn’t seem to have done this?

Maybe she’s like me and likes the leftovers best and this is the only way she could achieve it?!

We go to my PIL for Christmas Eve dinner, and then have Christmas Day dinner at home. So for the last decade I have eaten two Christmas dinners every year.

Some people eat the same breakfast/lunch practically every day of the year, so can't think why the same dinner two days in a row is a problem!

Don't change your plans, DEFINITELY don't ask her to change hers and just enjoy being cooked for.

Lots of people have multiple Christmas dinners over the season, we have the one I make on Christmas Day, my mother in laws on Boxing Day and a few days later my mum cooks another one up before New Years!

It's about spending time with family.

Seriously OP?? At least 4 other people said that you were 'rude' before I did...why pick on me to blast! Your OP asks EXPLICITLY if you WBU to say that you didn't want to eat what your DM was offering...of course that's rude and sounds incredibly ungrateful!! It's not like she was suggesting you eat battered kangaroo penis and meal worms is it? It's a roast dinner!! Go, or don't go, but you can't dictate her menu 🤷‍♀️

(The whole '20 minutes is too far to visit frequently' thing is a whole other thread! Again...seriously?? You can't drive 20 minutes to visit your parents without seeming like you're being put out? 🙄) I lived abroad until recently...without fail I'd drive across to visit my parents every school holidays! That was a 2-day journey...6 times a year. Not once did I feel it was too far to drive to visit my parents. Not once!)

You and your DH sound like hard work tbh.