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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Insufferably selfish things your OH does...

241 replies

Munchkingoat · 30/11/2018 12:48

Whenever my exh used to pick up a Chinese takeaway he would eat ALL the prawn crackers on the way home from picking it up. This used to drive me insane as I could never fathom how anyone could do so selfish when he knew I loved them and he would NEVER get two lots no matter how often I asked. Utter nob.

I was thinking about this whilst driving home yesterday and it still gives me the rage 12 years after divorcing him!

OP posts:
Meandyouandyouandme · 01/12/2018 16:51

Lager, sorry don’t know how to tag, because he only likes to eat once a day so wanted me to eat when he did! Which is fine normally as I’ll usually be able to fit my 3 meals in around his one, but as I’d just arrived on the holiday I hadn’t had anything to eat. I know he’s full of bollocks and now I’m worried this will be in the paper! So don’t want to say any more. There was also a massive bust up between one of our grown up DC and H over a baked potato, later on in the same holiday and H said he was going to fly home early, realises the flights were too expensive, so then said he was going to stay in our room for the next two days before he could fly back!

4catsaremylife · 01/12/2018 16:56

My Ex hmmm how long have you got? Left me in labour being told that I would need emergency c section because the baby was flat lining, to fetch a Chinese takeaway because he was hungry ds actually born okay thank god.
Stole money from DC moneybox for himself.
Ate chocolates bought for me as gifts all of them.
Fought the DC for my attention sulked when I ignored him.
Pestered for sex all the time
Never paid a penny towards his DCs keep, taking a zero hours contract so he could lie about his income.
When finally I had enough after dozens of second chances, and threw him out refused to tell the DC where he was going because 'I never wanted any of you' then removed himself from their lives.
Happily divorced for 12 years DC are NC at their choice, wished I'd done it years previously and lessened the time my DC spent with this selfish self righteous idiot.

FishesThatFly · 01/12/2018 17:08

@Meandyouandyouandme - so sorry to read your story. Why do you stay?

Meandyouandyouandme · 01/12/2018 17:20

Fishes, because I’ve been scared of leaving, I’m a coward and have a lot of regrets. He can be very charming, and I realise it’s all part of the act to keep me sweet. I feel sorry for him, and I’m finding it difficult to make a final decision. Thanks for your concern, there have been many watershed moments and I should have taken them. Maybe get Christmas out of the way, though that is a whole other nightmare.

flumpybear · 01/12/2018 18:17

Boys are inherently selfish - that is all

Sommelierrrr · 01/12/2018 18:34

I don't think they are. That's sexist nonsense.

Most selfish from my ex was buying himself a 500 pound coat when we had literally no money for essentials.... Doing an unnecessary post grad course and insisting I leave the house from 7.30am every Saturday with toddler ds so he could study... Stepping over me when I fainted from low blood pressure when 8 months pregnant saying I was making it up.... Not working out of choice so he could 'relax' and getting us into thousands of pounds of debt.... Always trying to eat more than his share.... Storming out and leaving my mums house during Sunday lunch if she annoyed him, repeatedly.... I mean the list goes on and on so happy to be well shot of him...

ChodeofChodeHall · 01/12/2018 18:35

Boys are inherently selfish - that is all

ODFOD

maxthemartian · 01/12/2018 18:38

Boys are inherently selfish - that is all

Bullshit. My DH is completely selfless as was my lovely dad.

speakout · 01/12/2018 18:43

lumpybear

I feel sorry for you.

Such a sexist attitude.

Motoko · 01/12/2018 18:44

Meandyou don't feel sorry for him! You mention you have adult children with him, so it's been decades of his abuse you've lived with.

What scares you about leaving? Have you looked at the Freedom Programme, or spoken to Women's Aid? Please try to find the strength to leave, don't waste any more of your life with him. You don't deserve his treatment of you, and you CAN have a happier life without him.

Start making plans, as I said earlier. The unknown is scary, but you can do it. Give yourself the best Christmas present of your life. Freedom from this man.

Sommelierrrr · 01/12/2018 18:45

Reading the thread back through there is such a current of 'eeww your low standards are why you are in this mess'. Such depressing lack of awareness about domestic abuse and victim blaming.

Sommelierrrr · 01/12/2018 18:47

Meandyou I hope you do leave him. Life is so much better when you're free of this kind of nonsense / life ruining horrors.

greencatbluecat · 01/12/2018 18:50
  1. walks around indoors in muddy wellies, even when the floor has just been cleaned
  2. Never ever puts anything away, even when I point out that it is dangerous to leave a saw on the floor
  3. Locks himself in bathroom for hours when kids are trying to get ready for school in the mornings
flumpybear · 01/12/2018 18:50

Sorry, sweeping Statement - yes many men aren't selfish but I guess I read a lot about selfish men on here and my husband is very selfish at times

speakout · 01/12/2018 19:30

flumpybea

Do you have sons?

flumpybear · 01/12/2018 19:44

@speakout - yes, one, he's not at all selfish at the grand age of 6 ... let me feel shit about my own husband Wink

treaclesoda · 01/12/2018 19:46

The most selfish thing my husband does is probably to hog the remote control. But that doesn't even matter much to me because I'm not all that interested in watching TV, I could easily live without it.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 01/12/2018 20:06

I'm definitely more selfish than my dh. Tbf I am not massively so, but dh is strikingly unselfish. My sons are no more selfish than your typical teen/preteen either.

Arrowfanatic · 02/12/2018 08:39

My DH always been me chocolates and wine when I'm on my period and I think he's the best husband in the world, until I then go to eat my chocolate and find he's got there first.

Meandyouandyouandme · 02/12/2018 12:19

@Motoko and @Sommelierrrr I have enrolled on the online freedom programme but then didn’t really get into it. I’ll go back to it, need to do something. Probably worried about lack of money, I work for my H, so looking at losing my job, moving house, it’s daunting. And yes, 3 DC all adults, 2 still at home. Very low contact with the one that lives away, due to H’s behaviour. That should be enough to give me the kick up the arse I need though. Thanks for your kind words, I have a lot of support in RL, have lots of lovely friends and my DPs know a bit so I know I’d be ok.

woollyheart · 02/12/2018 12:28

The prawn cracker thing would have driven me crazy - no wonder he is an ex.

Did you ever send him back for prawn crackers? I can be quite sulky, so would probably have refused to eat anything unless he went and got my prawn crackers as they are the best bit.

Motoko · 02/12/2018 12:59

Meandyou start looking for another job, and go and have a chat with a divorce solicitor about where you stand regarding division of assets.

If you've got a lot of RL support, it will help. Speak to your friends and family about leaving him, even your kids. You might even see the other one more if you're no longer with their dad.

You can do this, and you'll be much happier, you just have to go through a difficult bit to get there.

honeylulu · 02/12/2018 13:04

'I never wanted any of you'
OMG he actually said that to his own children. That is heartbreaking.

My own husband is a good egg, thank goodness. I have my moans about him but nothing really bad (and he would probably have more about me actually).

My dad though is supremely selfish. Never lifted a finger to help with anything baby/child/housekeeping related but criticised my mum (who also worked a professional job for how she did those things). Went on a sports holiday for two weeks the day after my mum came out of hospital after having first child (me).

Would always help himself to lion's share of food even if it left the rest of us with barely any. Would help himself to stuff mum had earmarked for packed lunches and not tell her. If she objected he'd say "I'm the head of this household and I'll do what I want".

If my mum had to go out and couldn't take us with her we'd have to go to grandma's because he "didn't know how to look after children".

Insisted he had to come home for a cooked meal at lunchtime which severely curtailed how my mum ran her business, then moaned that she didn't make enough money.

Would disappear to play sport almost the whole time he was off work but moaned when my mum joined a choir and went to practice once a week for an hour (having waited until we were teens as he refused to "babysit") as he wanted her at home to wait on him hand and foot.

Ruined several family holidays because he was miserable he couldn't play his sport. Also they were always self catering because he wouldn't try "foreign food", so not much of a holiday for mum!

Lots more like this. When I was a child I vowed never to get married. (I did, but to someone soooo different.)

My mum and dad are still married and seem happy enough. I don't really have any relationship with him though. My son is being assessed for HF ASD so I've read up on it a lot and I'd now put money on my dad having undiagnosed ASD. I don't think that's a complete excuse though and I wonder if things would have been different if mum had put her foot down more with him.

jamaisjedors · 03/12/2018 08:31

DH stayed in bed for the whole day when we went away for a special occasion.

Left me to sort out the kids and visit on my own all day without giving me any indication of whether he might get up at some point.

MyCatIsAFiend · 03/12/2018 09:11

Mine is really not great when I'm ill. Will take over everything but with a martyred air.

But the worst thing he does? He is the only person I know who can always be relied on to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube. So when I go to brush my teeth, there is literally no more to squeeze out. Does it every time. And never bins it.