Insufferably selfish things your OH does...

[Munchkingoat]

Whenever my exh used to pick up a Chinese takeaway he would eat ALL the prawn crackers on the way home from picking it up. This used to drive me insane as I could never fathom how anyone could do so selfish when he knew I loved them and he would NEVER get two lots no matter how often I asked. Utter nob.

I was thinking about this whilst driving home yesterday and it still gives me the rage 12 years after divorcing him!

@dogdogcat you know that’s not ok or normal? Tell him if he doesn’t want to come home then he should just say so. Tell any couple friends with kids this plan of his , they will be horrified.

My ex (ex fiancé rather than husband):

1. Used to stay at the gym so long on purpose that I’d start making dinner so he didn’t have to;
2. Used to play sport pretty much all weekend every weekend without any thought for me/doing things together;
3. Wanted to play in a cricket final on my 30th birtoday. I kicked off that time and he begrudgingly gave in but spent the whole occasion in a mood and on his phone checking scores with his mates;
4. Complained the whole time the one Christmas in the 4 we were together we spent it with my family instead of his and made everyone feel like shit;
5. The best one: sent out our wedding invites whilst having an affair and having no intention of tying the knot (with me at least!) causing our guests to book rooms at venue with non-refundable deposits. He then refused to re-imburse them and expected me to make all the calls cancelling the wedding (to venue, suppliers, guests etc). He then did his back in after picking me up from a trip home (where I’d gone as was so devastated - yes, why was I devastated in hindsight?!) and had a massive go at me because I went out with my friends and wouldn’t stay “home” to look after him!!!! Then promptly swanned off to St Lucia on an all inclusive with the new woman (within 3 weeks of breaking it off with me). Then didn’t help me move out at all and accused me of taking all his pots, pans and towels (they were kind of brought with me when moved in) and wouldn’t pay back any of the 18k I’d psid him towards the mortgage on his house claiming it was “to offset some of the costs of my living there”.

Later found out he’d cancelled everything which was going to cost him money bar the church (which was obviously free). Only found this out when got a call from vicar 2 months before wedding date asking how plans were coming along! I was particularly mad about that one as it would have prevented someone else having that church for their wedding,

I’m sure there’s loads more!

THANK GOD he’s my ex and the OW now has to deal with him! I’m now engaged to and have a baby with the most wonderful man in the world who, despite being back at work on a stressful job with long hours, alternates night feeds with me (baby on bottles) and regularly sends me upstairs for a bath/sleep when he gets home from work. This morning I was meeting him to get baby weighed and he asked before I got there if I’d had breakfast (I hadn’t managed it) so went out and got me a pain au chocolat!!!! What a difference!!!!!

Rarely walks the dog that was HIS idea to get. (Dog walker in week, has to be me at weekends or DDog doesn't get a walk)

Wanted to go away on a lads weekend when I had my finals at uni.

Puts loads of shit in the attic then moans when i ask him to get anything down.

Had to be guilt tripped by my mum not to go to work the day after I had an operation and could barely move.

Moans really about a lot of things I ask him to do that he doesn't want to do.

Won't pay more than me into our bills account each month despite the fact that he earns a lot more than me and has less expenses.

God this is depressing.

When I slipped over on icy pavement and broke my wrist, my ex wouldn't give me a lift to minor injuries because he had to go to work.

His route to work took him right past the minor injuries unit.

After being married to my ex for 10 years, DPs tendency to scoff the lion's share of biscuits/chocolate/cake/any other sweet stuff pales into insignificance.

Decided yesterday to moan about some trivial household matter to me just after I’d been sick and rung work. I lay there feeling a mixture of incredulity and rage.
He’s normally pretty nice though so I didn’t kill him.

I'm struck by how many people tolerate so much.

I am absolutely shocked at how much crap some people will take.

It's mad isn't it? I think too many people just don't value themselves highly enough.

Jesus I came on to say how sometimes we have a silent stand off with emptying the bin but that’s about it! (Suddenly feeling so so grateful for my hubby 🙈)

I love being single. After birth of twins, didn't bother visiting for a couple of days, he was stressed despite the fact that my mother was at the house looking after the other dc. Didn't do a school run in twenty odd years, never did a packed lunch, a wash load, cooked. Didn't bother attending parents evenings, school concerts, sports events. Read a lot, slept a lot, spent a lot, criticised a lot.

Youmadorwhat, I came on to say my trivial ones as well, but now feeling they’re not good enough to moan about 😂
Here goes... my DH has a very annoying habit of eating the biscuits/crisps, using toothpaste etc that he doesn’t like, before using his own. No reason why, except for sheer laziness that they are the ones he comes to first! It drives me absolutely mad! I often move things around so that his favourites are in front, but then the kids mess it up, and we are back to square one.

This whole thread has made me so sad. To all those women settling, please take a moment and think about yourselves. You deserve to be valued and your needs met. People on MN seem to think it’s so straightforward to upsticks and leave. But it is so heart breaking to read all the horrible things men do to their partners especially when they are at their most vulnerable.

OP I would be raging at the prawn crackers and take the resentment to the grave with me.

I think I'm the selfish one in this relationship too.
I've been known to scoff a slice of garlic bread in the kitchen when DH can't see me. If I cut slices of cake I take the bigger one.
To be fair, I don't think it pisses my DH off too much because he's always offering me the bigger slice, bigger share, to go to the shop and buy me sweeties. He's not perfect, but he's a pretty good husband.
I'm quite a good wife in lots of ways but I will be the first to admit if one of us is selfish, it's me.

My DS usually starts the night sleeping in our bed, he brings his own pillow and puts DH pillows on the floor or end of bed etc... DH comes to bed later than me so I'm asleep, picks up DS and puts him in his own bed with pillow, so now no pillow on DH side - instead of finding them literally on the floor or bed somewhere close by, he rips the pillow out from under MY head! Sleeping !! He also lifts and shakes out the duvet whilst I'm sleeping - he knows how badly I sleep anyway but doesn't stop.
Well this week I FLIPPED! Told him to move out if he did it again! He's banished to my sons room for a few days whilst I get some much needed sleep 😴 it's been marvellous! I'm looking to buy an emperor bed soon so he can fuck off to his own side and keep away from me!!!!

my exh would shout "door" (ie close it) when I got up early in the morning to sort kids out whilst he slept - it is the little things that break you....

People on MN seem to think it’s so straightforward to upsticks and leave.

No we don't! We're all too well aware how difficult it is, most of us having gone through it ourselves, but despite the difficulties, it CAN be done, and is much better for ourselves, and our children when we come out the other side.

Motoko

I agree.

Most of us who are saying get rid are the ones who have been in that situation.

Selfish acts are not just an little inconvenience that we put up with, like having a partner who takes ages in the toilet or who has smelly feet.

Selfishness is a manifestation of how someone cares about others, their partner, how they value themselves in relation to their OH.

A lot of the sad examples on this thread illustrate men who actually don't care very much, who don't love and respect their partners.

Being selfish is simply a sign of the rot underneath.

And I don't wish to be in a relationship with someone who holds me in such disregard- because I have done in the past, and I will never again.

People on MN seem to think it’s so straightforward to upsticks and leave

.....reading this thread I realise that there is a whole range of experience out there - from the niggling irritations to full on blow your socks off selfishness - to comment on the above I think that for some people it takes years to leave - my exh - whilst having many good qualities - had an affair the whole time I was pregnant with 3rd DC, went on holiday leaving me with three under 5s (with her telling me it was a sports break - I wanted him to go thought it would cheer him up as he had been so low) Refused to let me work part time even though we could afford it. We broke up, got back together again and then with the kids were older I just left, couldn't do it anymore and the future scared me more than the thought of going - left him with the kids as well for a while whilst I sorted myself out - everyone thought I was the baddie as I hadn't told people (protecting him). years on am with a wonderful kind man but we both have previous baggage from previous relationships. My point is - and excuse the rambling - is that it is really important to have your plan, try to save something - having the means to go is the difference between living half a life and jumping off the cliff into the unknown - but will probably work out - I wouldn't judge anyone who ended up staying in this kind of selfish relationship (my aunt has done it for 50 years) but think of your long term future if you can. Don't look back with too many regrets...

My husbands latest one is to offer me a cuppa, boil the kettle and then leave the kitchen! He never returns to finish it

he rips the pillow out from under MY head!

This is one of the saddest things on the whole thread. It's difficult to comprehend loving someone who who be so deliberately cruel.

for all of you with shitty husbands. I couldn't think of any selfish behaviour from DH which leads me to conclude that I must be the selfish one!

• who WOULD be

A lot of this behaviour is actually abusive.

For those of you still in such relationships, you need to start planning your exit. Build up an exit fund, take copies of financial documents, investigate any benefits you'd be entitled to, local rental costs, get legal advice about ending a marriage, so when you eventually leave and he threatens to have full custody of the children, or keep the assets etc, you'll know where you stand, which will make you stronger and less likely to cave. Remember, knowledge is power.

I had to go to London for a job once for two weeks. Asked ex to look after the DDs. So he'd pick them up from school, take them to my flat, eat my food (totally emptied out my fridge/freezer), sleep in my bed, drop them off at school in the morning and then go to his house for the day. Repeat daily.

At the end of the two weeks he gave me an invoice for petrol money for having to drive back and forth between our houses every day. He lived 5 miles away!!! I obviously refused to pay it. He even took my dishwashing liquid as he'd run out. He was a real prince .

My H is very selfish and I could tell stories all day, but a couple are, the time he’d gone out early on holiday and I flew out to meet him. He picked me up from the airport and was in a mood straight away as it’d taken me so long to get through passport control drove back to the villa and then refused to let me have a sandwich as he wasn’t hungry! Didn’t want me to eat anything as he wanted to have a big lunch later. I’d been up since 3am so about 8 hours by this point and was starving. I put the sandwich I’d made back in the kitchen and went to lie down on a sun lounger, I’d just fallen asleep, when he then woke me up and decided it was time for something to eat. I was really unhappy but just went along with it to keep the peace.
Another time I'd planned to go away with friends to celebrate our big birthdays, a year in advance this was booked as we are all busy. It was about 2 months after my actual birthday as it’s a group of school friends so we decided to pick a date in the middle of the year. About 2 weeks before the weekend my H decided he wanted to go away the same weekend for his birthday, (our birthdays are very close together) he said it made sense for us to go away on the same weekend! Fine, I made the arrangements for the DC and pets. Go on our respective weekends. I get a call 8am Sunday morning from our tenants, (at the time we had a house that we’d been unable to sell, so rented it out) and they’d had a massive leak and had to turn off the water. I was hungover and just woken up, H was away, the plumber that we usually use was away with him. So I ended up calling my dad, who sorted it within an hour it was a very simple fix that either of us could have done and I was so cross that it was my weekend that was affected when there was absolutely no need!

Refused to let you have a sandwich? How? Why on earth do you put up with that abusive behaviour?