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AIBU?

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Original poster

Insufferably selfish things your OH does...

241 replies

Munchkingoat · 30/11/2018 12:48

Whenever my exh used to pick up a Chinese takeaway he would eat ALL the prawn crackers on the way home from picking it up. This used to drive me insane as I could never fathom how anyone could do so selfish when he knew I loved them and he would NEVER get two lots no matter how often I asked. Utter nob.

I was thinking about this whilst driving home yesterday and it still gives me the rage 12 years after divorcing him!

OP posts:
WoofWoofMooWoof · 30/11/2018 18:25

So many examples from my (abusive) ex, but the one that stands out most to me is this:

My twins were born at 28 weeks by emcs. They spent four months in hospital and DTD2 had to have 3 operations. Finally got them home, still quite poorly and DTD2 with bad feeding problems, and me recovering from a CS.

Ex worked shifts so wasn't there to help often anyway, but he decided that that was the best time to start a work from home scheme. So he would get back from shift, grab a few hours sleep, and then lock himself in his study (yes, he would literally lock the door). I was left, while recovering and in pain, to deal with two screaming babies by myself, on minimal sleep, as I had to express every 3 hours. He refused to come downstairs to help even when I was in tears.

And then, just as I managed to get into a good routine and the DC were more settled, he decided that his work from home thing was selfish and wasn't going to work, and suddenly wanted to help more, funnily enough just when I didn't really need his help any more.

Notatallobvious · 30/11/2018 18:31

Bloody hell there's some proper shitbag DHs on here! I've often thought mine was quite selfish but he's looking like a saint in comparison! I would say he's more thoughtless than deliberately selfish and mean, I'm surprised more of the above aren't STBXH.

bsc · 30/11/2018 18:35

Good lord! Reading this thread is actually making my blood pressure go up- so many selfish acts. I consider myself a fairly selfish person, but I don't behave like any of these examples that goodness, for my partner's sake.

DoyoulikeHueyLewisandtheNews

Yes, I do!! V much Grin

IHaveBrilloHair · 30/11/2018 18:37

You know reading these makes me quite glad that my ex walked out on me with a 6 week old.
At least he wasn't around her.
She's now 17 and it's safe to say I've never missed him.

needtoshutupandlisten · 30/11/2018 18:37

He goes to buy lunches for the week from Waitrose (works from home sporadically and at short notice and likes a treat) but doesn't buy any sweet stuff for me to eat when I get home!

Bastard.

needtoshutupandlisten · 30/11/2018 18:39

Clearly I don't know I'm born. Some of the things upthread are not cool. Sad

dontalltalkatonce · 30/11/2018 18:41

Some of these are abusive.

Polkadot1502 · 30/11/2018 18:51

Spends too much time playing football then tells me I'm being unreasonable

speakout · 30/11/2018 18:59

Polkadot1502

Why do you accept that?

Leonie87 · 30/11/2018 19:02

Forty minute poos 🙈

He’s a good person. Not selfish in the slightest otherwise. But this habit drives me mental.

Nothisispatrick · 30/11/2018 19:04

Wow glad so many of these are exes.

Dp plays stupid videos too loudly on his phone

Leonie87 · 30/11/2018 19:04

I can’t believe how many women have children with these arseholes. Like the one particular ray of sunshine upthread who spent lots of time smoking weed. Why would you procreate with a specimen like that?

hazell42 · 30/11/2018 20:36

My ExH did many dickish things, but the beginning of the end came one Christmas when I had to go to hospital for a lumbar puncture.

I was being tested for a life limiting illness and I was scared. The doctor at the hospital tried (and failed) to do the LP six times and finally told me I would have to go back the following week to do it under guided X-Ray (why that didn't occur to him after attempt 2 or 3 I don't know).

I got home with a raging headache (side effect of the procedure), and was supposed to lie down for 24 hours. My prince was waiting for me to cook the dinner when I got home.

When I told him I needed to go back again the following week, he said I was being 'inconsiderate' because he would have to take a day off work to look after the kids.

It never once occurred to the arsehole that I might want him to come with me and hold my hand.

Single life is bless. 10 years and counting.

Dogdogcat · 30/11/2018 20:46

DH went abroad for five weeks when DS was two months old. I was definitely not happy about it especially as I was battling PND. DS is now seven months and DH has decided to coach a sport at the school he works at. The season goes until March! With practices, games and tournaments he is busy 3-4 nights a week and some weekends. I think PND is coming back and it's a struggle.

Jubilee2012 · 30/11/2018 21:54

Some of these are so sad. I am sorry for what some people have had to put up with.

Picklypickles why did you have another child with this man after he did that for your first daughter’s birth? Genuine question.

dontalltalkatonce · 30/11/2018 22:40

Like the one particular ray of sunshine upthread who spent lots of time smoking weed. Why would you procreate with a specimen like that?

I wouldn't give such a creature the time of day. Never occurred to me, either, that you have to go through with a pregnancy with a dickhead.

Picklypickles · 30/11/2018 23:16

Obviously I'm an idiot! Try to see the best in people. Glad to have helped you feel all smug and superior.

RoseMartha · 30/11/2018 23:22

He did not do any housework after I had had major surgery. I was not meant to do any for six weeks. A week after surgery I was on my hands and knees cleaning the bathroom, which he refused to do. I was also doing all the childcare by then except school runs which friends did. Took me way longer than six weeks to recover 🙄, which was not a surprise. Some housework just didnt get done for six weeks like the ironing. I think he hoovered the lounge once.
(Mine also is a stbex, as there are plenty more examples I could give here).

SisterOfDonFrancisco · 30/11/2018 23:33

I'll start by saying that my DH is generally a very nice person, does a lot around the house, cooks, cleans etc etc etc. But he will not get up in the morning with the kids unless asked. And even then he behaves as if I've asked him to run to the north pole to get some ice.

Maelstrop · 30/11/2018 23:51

@picklypickles speak to your landlord and see if you can change the tenancy. When is it due for renewal? If you can't change the tenancy, give notice and find somewhere new without him. Presumably you're paying the rent anyway? What a fucking loser he is!

seventhgonickname · 01/12/2018 00:37

My ex continues his selfishness.Iwill be going in for an op early next year so will be in hospital 3-4 days.Have asked ex if he can look after dd,would have to be at my house as he moved 3hr drive away,as she is in final GCSE. year He refuses because he needs to look after his do and it would unsettle her to be in strange surroundings.He says dd can look after herself.This means I may have to delay the op until summer when DDS exams are over but leaving it is a big risk.
Don't know why I asked really.
And it takes some of us a long time to jump ship mainly because we have kids and if we have jobs it is difficult to fit child care around as these selfish shuts don't do their share ever.

choirmumoftwo · 01/12/2018 00:48

He's a lark and I'm an owl but I try really hard to be quiet when I'm downstairs on my own late at night. He doesn't extend the same courtesy in the mornings - rattles around in the kitchen with the door open, slamming doors (not on purpose I don't think but just thoughtless), then leaves all the lights on and his and DD's dishes unwashed. Sounds petty written down but bloody irritating when it's every day!

NewMinouMinou · 01/12/2018 01:01

My (now very distant) ex threw me out a week after I’d had a miscarriage. I had literally nowhere to go as I’m estranged from most of my family.
He buggered off to work, leaving me in tatters, packing up my things and when I called him to say I was on my way to the train station (after calling a friend 300 miles away who said I could stay with her), all he had to say was “groovy”.

MissLadyM · 01/12/2018 01:23

They all sound fucking horrible! I'm glad I'm single!

LovelyBranches · 01/12/2018 01:45

When I had my dd I was induced and dh wasn’t allowed to stay with me until I was in established labour. In the night I started having some quite heavy contractions and told him. They got much heavier in the early hours and I tried ringing him on the mobile and house phone but he was completely flat out asleep. Didn’t even come in on time the next morning, by which time I was on all sorts of drugs that stopped me properly expressing myself to him. It slowed my labour down and I then spent the next night in established labour, dh insisted on going home for a shower because he didn’t like being in the same clothes all day, he then left me again to go and sleep in the waiting room where it was quiet, leaving me in established labour with the midwife. I spent so much time on my own it was commented on by numerous staff.

He was there for the birth, but had to go home again after that to freshen up. Didn’t help me even though I ended up having an Emcs. He remained at home for ages even after I was told I could go home. He then failed to tell me that my MIL was sitting in my living room when I got home, waiting to hold my brand new baby practically doused in the strongest perfume imaginable.

He made up for things by being my biggest support with breastfeeding, completely taking over the cooking and being a good father but he was a shit when I was in labour.