Insufferably selfish things your OH does...

[Munchkingoat]

Whenever my exh used to pick up a Chinese takeaway he would eat ALL the prawn crackers on the way home from picking it up. This used to drive me insane as I could never fathom how anyone could do so selfish when he knew I loved them and he would NEVER get two lots no matter how often I asked. Utter nob.

I was thinking about this whilst driving home yesterday and it still gives me the rage 12 years after divorcing him!

Spends every penny he earns on himself & I mean every penny. I’ve kept the house and the kids for years!

I work shifts so sleep pattern is all over the place, I get one Sunday off every four months, he insists he get his usual Sunday sleep in.

Shouts when the kids waken up at night.

Gives the kids pasta every night for dinnner & lets my evening meal that Ive made for them rot in the fridge.

Bloody hell HueyLewis those are not normal - apologies or not.
He was out of order when you were dating re flu so he set a low bar didn’t he?
My dh has his moments of twattery but has never done anything like what you describe.

they are the only two times I can think he’s been selfish
Do you know the "Lovely cup of tea with only a tiny teaspooon of shit in it" analogy?

Some of these are awful - particularly for those of you who are still with the selfish fuckwits.

I get jar lids not put on properly so sometimes I've gone to grab it and the jar has gone flying leaving me holding the lid. And sometimes he's left the wifework stuff to me until I've pointed it out and he doesn't do it again. So I guess I'm lucky really.

@JustDanceAddict thanks for your reply. I've never really thought about these occasions as a collective and you're probably right. I think they're in the forefront of my mind now as he wants a second child. I do too, but I had crippling PND and I think any more of these incidences would push me over the edge if I were in a vulnerable state again. Food for thought I guess.

@ACatsNoHelpWithThat nope, I do the cooking but I love doing it, he maybe does it once a week or so when he finds something he wants to try cooking. he does all the housework.

Still holding a grudge over prawn crackers after 12 years?? I would have thought therapy rather than Mumsnet!

Honestly at the minute I’m sleep deprived (have a 4 week old) so everything is annoying me that bit more but I’ve realised recently that he can be such a selfish prick at times.

He almost never wakes in the night with DS. I’m EBFing so he obviously can’t feed him but the odd nappy change wouldn’t go amiss especially on the nights I’m up every hour with him cluster feeding. He honestly sleeps through it most of the time totally oblivious and I sit there cursing him behind his back.

He’s terribly messy and it drives me nuts. He leaves his dirty undies on the bathroom floor so one time I made a point of not picking them up to see how long it would take him and a collection of five pairs accumulated before I gave in and picked them up. I always feel like a nagging old witch but he never listens when I ask him to do something. He leaves towels on the floor all of the time as well and leaves his shoes in the doorway for everyone to trip over... oh and teabags in the sink . All of these habits never alter regardless of how much I nag. Yesterday I asked him to take the recycling out on his way out to work and he just left it by the door? It’s illogical things like that where he’s clearly expecting me to do it for him that just fuck me off.

I’ve suddenly realised how much he natters on about himself as well. He talks at me a lot of the time and I’ve learnt to zone out recently in particular because I’m just too drained to be arsed listening. He can be a real pain... It’s all pissing me off 100x more now I’m so knackered.

@ravenmum not until now

housewifeoflittleitaly so, surely it would be easier to go it alone? What does he actually add?

Mine will happily finish off a packet of chocolate biscuits without me even having one.

I think I might be the selfish partner when it comes to sharing food. Dh could probably write a post about me.

My Dh can be very selfish. He'll grab any food/biggest portions for himself and leave others short. He picks food off other people's plates when he's serving it up, never buys enough chips if we have a takeaway but stands shovelling them into his mouth as he plates it all up even though everyone already has small portions.
Other things are refusing to take time off work to take me to antenatal appointments when I had pelvic pain and couldn't drive. Making me change our DD's 12 week scan as he had a meeting he wouldn't change.
Offering no support when I had pnd and refusing to speak to the health visitor for me. Letting his family treat me like crap as he doesn't want agro.
I could go on...

I work shifts. DH will sit up until 2am waiting for me to come in as he can't be arsed to change our bedding himself.
Then he fucks off into the bathroom to brush his teeth whilst I do the duvet which is the hardest bit.
Then he comes back in and gets to go to bed before me.
It's only 10 minutes but it gives me the fucking rage. It just seems so selfishly petty considering I'm up before him every morning anyway.
I've started putting my PJs on whilst he's in the bathroom so he can damn well help me finish.
He always says with a look of surprise 'oh, I'd thought you'd have finished' when he comes out.
No arsehole. If you wanted to go to a clean bed earlier you should have fucking done it.

And breathe.

My exh was not as selfish as some of these examples, but it was only after we broke up that I slowly put it all together and realised what I'd put up with. Things like him buying sweets and hiding them so that only he could eat them weren't important, but it was linked to the nastier stuff he did - one thing resulted in me and the kids walking home alone in the dark, in a deserted part of a foreign country, for an hour; or when the kids were small, he failed to come home on time, didn't let me know and I had to take them to work with me; that sort of thing.
I now have a bf who's not really meant for me (or me for him), we have very different lifestyles, so unlikely to last. But he makes me dinner, gives me a cup of tea in bed, gives me the bigger/better piece of cake, apologises if late (tries not to be late), and generally makes me realise what I was missing, and could have had all those years. The little things do make a difference.

These stories are awful, and I don't know why those of you still with these men, haven't left. I know it's not easy, but it's a damn site better than putting up with this shit. I left mine, and never regretted it.

In my first marriage, which was abusive, one day I was having a miscarriage. It was a very early one, as I'd only just found out that I was pregnant. He decided he wanted me to bleach stripes in his hair, so I did. Then, because they didn't come out the way he wanted them (I'm not a fucking hairdresser), he made me go to the chemist to get hair dye, and dye his hair, all while I was in pain, losing a baby.

After I left him, I had an 8 year relationship, and we had a son. He was controlling (yep, I knew how to pick 'em!). When our DS was about 6, he fell ill, doc came round and called an ambulance. I let my partner know, and went in the ambulance. He refused to finish work early. We were stuck in a cubicle in A&E for hours while they were trying to work out what was wrong. I was heartbroken when DS asked me if he was going to die.
At about 6pm, a lady from reception came to tell me my partner was on the phone (this was before mobiles were cheap). I had to leave my son with a nurse to go and speak to him. He accused me of not keeping him up to date, so I told him I hadn't left our DS' side, and he should come to A&E, to be told he'd come after he'd had dinner and got changed.
At just after 9pm, when he still hadn't turned up, and DS was about to be taken for surgery (it was his appendix), I quickly rang him and told him to get his arse to the hospital immediately, if he wanted to see DS before surgery.
He turned up just after DS went in. I've never forgiven him for prioritising himself. I mean, who the fuck goes home and has a leisurely dinner when their child is in A&E and could be dying for all they know.

I left him too.

I now have a wonderful husband, who has been my rock, especially since I've been ill. He's not perfect, he has occasionally been thoughtless, but only about insignificant things.

notagoodname I hope you've got a good pot of savings if you're not paying any rent or bills, you'll need it at some point. If not, start saving now. You're in a very vulnerable position, he could kick you out any time.

@IJustLostTheGame

Stop that right now. From now on, when he's done that, you just go brush your teeth and put your jammies on then get into bed. Don't even look at him. When he complains say "you've had all night to change it; I've been at work". Then don't engage with him. He will soon stop, or you'll learn if he really doesn't give a damn about you.

My "partner" has adhd and aspergers and basically blames all of his selfish and thoughtless behaviour on these conditions in the hope that nobody would dare pull him up on the shitty way he behaves because he is just a poor innocent victim and he "can't help it". Thinks it frees him from any and all responsibilities.

He doesn't work, spends most of his life stoned, lying on his ass watching tv/playing video games or sleeping. Does next to nothing to help out with housework/cooking, has never been to a parents evening and has been to very few other school events. Can't be bothered to help kids with reading/homework. He apparently can't even think or make a decision for himself, surprised he can wipe his own ass tbh. Then wonders why I'm not filled with love and lust for him when he starts groping me while I'm elbow deep in dirty dishes or having a shower getting ready to go out and will sulk for hours, sometimes days when I tell him to get off.

He missed the birth of our first daughter because he was "bored" and went home to get something to eat (get high and play video games) then blamed the doctors and midwives for taking me for an emcs while he was gone, because in his expert opinion as an unemployed stoner who can't decide what to have for tea without having his hand held, I did not need an emcs the doctors/midwives were just being lazy and did it for the sheer hell of it.

These problems weren't so apparent in the first few years, when I found out I was pregnant with our first we sat down and had a chat and he promised me faithfully that he was going to cut back on the weed, get a job, be there for us etc and like a fool I believed him. I've given several ultimatums and he has been better for a while but always slips back into his lazy selfish habits eventually.

I have finished with him, however he refuses to accept that I mean it, refuses to leave despite the fact we are living in my town near my parents and where the children go to school and has shown me that there are no depths he wont sink to in order to keep clinging on to his easy lifestyle by telling our daughter that "mummy doesn't want us to be a family any more, I have to leave and you'll probably never see me again" before storming out of the house and leaving me to deal with the hysterical 5yr old begging me not to make her daddy go. We have joint tenancy on our home so I can't force him to go. He has me exactly where he wants me, completely and utterly trapped.

DH had gone back to work and he came in from work after he'd been back a few weeks. DS was about 6 weeks old. I asked him to have DS so I could have a bath. He said no because he was tired. This was about 6/7ish in the evening. Yes he works shifts and needed to be out at 5am but he wasn't going to bed there and then,and I only wanted half an hour :(

When DS was a few days old, I asked DH to go downstairs and warm a bottle of EBM because I was struggling to get him to latch and needed to supplement wig expressed. I asked him because I'd barely slept 45 mins since the last feed-nappy-settle-express routine. He stomped off in a strop because "his penis hurt" (thrush/infection type thing). Days after I vaginally delivered an 8.5lb baby of course.

These things don't make me angry, they make me feel so hurt... 9 months on, I'm still feeling it

Whenever my exh used to pick up a Chinese takeaway he would eat ALL the prawn crackers on the way home from picking it up.

OP Did he ever say why he did it? Or try to justify himself?

I hate him and I've never met him (presumably!).

@notagoodname I was just wondering about the dynamics. It just seems really strange that he would normally pull his weight round the house etc yet not even put the shopping away (something he'd normally do anyway from what you say) when you're ill and in pain. If all you do is cooking and no other contributions financial or otherwise do you think he secretly resents you and was making a passive aggressive point?

@motoko that sounds awful glad you’ve found someone better

I do, we are planning to move abroad late next year though so it’s meant to be for that. Nice to have it there if I do ever need it though

I'll confess I am the one with selfish tendencies - DH is possibly the least selfish person I know!

I'd go banana's if he ever did any of the thing mentioned above. Makes me thank my lucky stars!

Of course it is not all plain sailing - my DH is an untidy bugger who believes in the toilet roll fairy. But he is otherwise lovely!

Fucking hell some of these are funny but most make me feel sad.
to all of you.