AIBU Please read thread as it's a sensitive subject regarding sex

[Coldshoulders]

So basically I am fwb with this guy n we have been meeting up a few times a week for a chill n some sex, no big deal. We both mutually understand that's all it is I do like him and he says he's likes me but we just have hot sex most of the time. One or two occasions I been over to see him and we haven't had sex which I didn't over think. Anyways my sensitive question is AIBU to question why I went over last night and for the first time he decided to go down on me? We never discussed it but I did consent when I realised where this was going and enjoyed myself. We then had sex and i went home. Question is he never has done that ever before and it was just so random but felt right. Is it just part of sex as I thort myself it's quite intimate and was unexpected and i have had fwb previous who never did that. I am just feeling abit confused and before people start ripping in to me i did consent and did enjoy it and i am prob just over thinking it but it is quite intimate and had me wondering wtf is going on and thankyou in advance for all ur replies x

Prawn How marvellous! Icons :D

Completely agree with Deathgrip

Threads like this sadden me really from how far it has come from when I was young free and single in the late 90's early 2000 when it was rightly about mutual enjoyment to this, where a man who does it is questioned.

Not only that I have been conditioned into when I saw the thread title thinking that he had done something bad to push the OPs boundaries not merely decided to put her first for a short amount of time

So much to discuss on this thread. (Please ignore my earlier dumb post with a big fat dumb typo in it.)

For women that don’t come from penetrative sex - and they seem to be a majority, although it’s difficult to be more precise - how else are you supposed to come than by oral? (Well, there are fingers and sex toys as well. But oral is a main one.) So, for these women, oral IS sex.
I’m nearly 50 and it has been transformative for me to realise only this year that I’d spent my entire sexual life being told that there was something sexually wrong with me, by people that wouldn’t do oral sex, that I was non-orgasmic, frigid, complicated, crap in bed, whatever. It affected my entire feeling about myself and my life. And obviously my relationships. So, yeah, I think it’s pretty important.

To people who feel they “know what they like and aren’t going to change” - I’m just gonna say, hold onto your hats. In the next 15-20 years your body and mind are going to go through massive changes. Your body and your libido - and your partner’s - will be tossing all sorts of stuff your way as you age and go through menopause. Be ready to adapt. It’s all up for grabs. So when your partner becomes non-erectile in his fifties, oral sex is going to be pretty important.

The FWB thing - well this is potentially a revolution in sexual politics. The trick is to be a fabulous slut and have a stable of sexual partners yourself. Use it to get what you want. The friendships can also be long term, profound and emotional, it doesn’t have to be cold. Humour, chats and great sex with someone you actually like a lot - it doesn’t get better than this IMO. If you are looking for a different kind of attachment, then don’t sign up to it. But don’t make out that the set-up is a tool of oppression. It can be a source of liberation, if you define your sexuality clearly within it and are prepared to do it mindfully and intelligently. Like any marriage or relationship.

Finally, the thing of not going down on women is sadly not restricted to men. IME Female lovers can be equally lazy and reluctant to embrace the practice. It’s a huge problem - darling, if you’re not going to anything to me, how am I supposed to come? Telepathy?

(Actually sexual telepathy is a thing but I’m not sure that MN is ready for tantric sex!)

Err I was young in the 90's and wouldn't be letting a ONS who I just met in nightclub down there if I was a bit sweaty, it's incredibly intimate. I wouldn't put a sweaty strangeish man's cock in my mouth either mind you. Once you get to know each other then communicating sexual preferences is quite a different thing to expecting or enjoying a ONS you just met after 3 hours dancing and you're a bit sweaty to lick your foof. You don't have to put his bits in your mouth either OP.

Normal part of sex so struggling to see your issue

Normal part of sex for me.

Fixed it for you, some people do all sorts of shit in their sex lives ,no such thing as normal.

When your partner becomes non erectile in his 50's

Err, what ?

There's a sex topic btw...

I'm sad for young women now, I came of age in the 90's and things were very different. I had a lot of male friends, we'd chat about sex, making a woman come was very important to them. And a turn on for them. Those were the days of More Magazine! All my partners have been the same, I've never slept with a man who refused to go down on me, but if I'd encountered someone who refused it would be a deal breaker. A lot of Men of my generation still get turned on by women's pleasure. Which is perfectly healthy.

maybe he had a self aware moment where he thought Damn I've been a smidge selfish.

or maybe one of his mates has been going on about going down and he thought I'll have a go at that

Maybe he's inexperienced, read up on grown up sex and though foreplay I'd better do that

maybe his feelings towards you have changed and it his attempt to show you that your sex life should be more committed.

maybe he's watched some porn and thinks this is what's got to be done.

maybe he has a rule for every 50 BJ's he goes down once

maybe just ask him, communication and consideration are the best parts of really good fucking. Finding out what each of you enjoyed, I'd rather over communicate with my partner rather than over think it.

Yes there is a sex topic twatty, but the title of this thread clearly states what it's about, so I would assume if you click on it, you want to read it.

Yep, agree with disney. Why not ask him?

I disagree with some PPs that FWB rarely leads to a proper relationship. It can, but you should be prepared and 100% comfortable for the possibility that it won’t. If you aren’t genuinely happy with the arrangement then end it now to save yourself heartbreak.

I also think oral feels more intimate than PIV sex. Someone is vulnerable when the other person has their most intimate body part between their teeth!

Missing three point but THORT
WTF

*the point

If you're still reading OP I think the issue is not so much the act, but rather what you are reading into it. I don't get FWB and think it is just another name for a casual relationship or polyamoury depending on your perspective.

I would never have been comfortable with one (the odd ONS in my youth yes, but even those were not emotionless all the time) and if you're not then you should address this rather than try to guess what he is feeling by what sexual techniques he deploys.

It sounds like you might end up getting hurt, but it's important to know that this kind of 'relationship' is not for many people, women and men actually.

The FWB thing - well this is potentially a revolution in sexual politics. The trick is to be a fabulous slut and have a stable of sexual partners yourself. Use it to get what you want. The friendships can also be long term, profound and emotional, it doesn’t have to be cold. Humour, chats and great sex with someone you actually like a lot - it doesn’t get better than this IMO

well it's a bit like what I said earlier, the friends bit requires communication and consideration if your "friend" isn't up for a bit of communication and consideration, then the friendship part ain't going to work, it's a two way street and it needs to be balanced.

it also depends on which has the emphasis, the friend part or the benefit part. if it lacks the communication and consideration and is mostly fuck focused, then skip the friendship part, you can get that elsewhere.

Also consider the quality, good friendship, good fuck, bad friendship bad fuck. You could draw a little matrix of that one and work out where your FwB sits.

The FWB thing - well this is potentially a revolution in sexual politics. The trick is to be a fabulous slut and have a stable of sexual partners yourself. Use it to get what you want. The friendships can also be long term, profound and emotional, it doesn’t have to be cold. Humour, chats and great sex with someone you actually like a lot - it doesn’t get better than this IMO

I don't think this is fair, I dislike the word slut in any context, but in any case the only revolution was the availability of cheap and very reliable contraception.

Without that there would be no regular shagging of multiple blokes.

For most adult human females who ever existed sexual intercourse, especially more than once with the same guy had a high chance of pregnancy. So women would not be shagging multiple partners.

So contraception is the enabler not some great intellectual reimagining of things.

Tbh I think that the biological reality of sex and not the technological risk free one has shaped human psychology around the issue, it's why most people associate love with sex.

Strokes imaginary beard...gazes into distance.

Incidentally, my DPs are friends with the couple from the Joy of Sex, who are still together

That makes me inordinately happy.

Peach my DH is 56. No problems in the erectile dept. Nor in the cunnilingus dept for that matter.

Not sure I'm entirely comfortable knowing about AnyFucker's DH's penis. I've come over all weird.

You had sex with him without him going down on you... and then you had sex with him again after that??!