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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Please read thread as it's a sensitive subject regarding sex

157 replies

Coldshoulders · 29/11/2018 16:07

So basically I am fwb with this guy n we have been meeting up a few times a week for a chill n some sex, no big deal. We both mutually understand that's all it is I do like him and he says he's likes me but we just have hot sex most of the time. One or two occasions I been over to see him and we haven't had sex which I didn't over think. Anyways my sensitive question is AIBU to question why I went over last night and for the first time he decided to go down on me? We never discussed it but I did consent when I realised where this was going and enjoyed myself. We then had sex and i went home. Question is he never has done that ever before and it was just so random but felt right. Is it just part of sex as I thort myself it's quite intimate and was unexpected and i have had fwb previous who never did that. I am just feeling abit confused and before people start ripping in to me i did consent and did enjoy it and i am prob just over thinking it but it is quite intimate and had me wondering wtf is going on and thankyou in advance for all ur replies x

OP posts:
Branleuse · 29/11/2018 16:53

im really surprised that you would have random sex with someone without them going down on you. Thats pretty much the only way I ever come with someone else. Its the main attraction

TheDarkPassenger · 29/11/2018 16:54

Deffo doesn’t mean he loves you.
I had a fwb who only ever did this. It was like a thing. Meet up, barely speak, get oral, leave. Deffo no love there!

silkpyjamasallday · 29/11/2018 16:54

I'm a similar age to you, and my first two partners never did oral sex for me, I thought it was normal not to do that and internalised a view of it as very taboo and intimate. It isn't, it just isn't shown in porn so young men don't do it if they are selfish. I don't think it means anything that your FWB went down on you, but it does read from your OP that you want it to be a meaningful thing about deeper feelings.

Shepherdspieisminging · 29/11/2018 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bernina · 29/11/2018 16:58

The question is why did you give him oral sex when you weren't expecting him to return the favour?

Mumshappy · 29/11/2018 17:01

Like the others said its just part of sex and yes its much harder to climax if he doesnt go down there and rev you up

ChodeofChodeHall · 29/11/2018 17:03

it just isn't shown in porn

😂😂😂

WinterfellWench · 29/11/2018 17:05

@shepherdspieisminging

oral sex is awful and would be a dealbreaker.

WOW, you must have had some mediocre lovers. Oral sex is NOT awful. When it's done properly, it's amazing.

What a weird AIBU this is. I have a FWB who went down on me for the first time?

What is the AIBU? I don't get it.

Shepherdspieisminging · 29/11/2018 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WinterfellWench · 29/11/2018 17:14

@shepherdspieisminging

What - like you just think oral sex is weird and gross and would never do it?

Or you tried it and didn't like it?

What repulses you about it? Especially receiving it! What is bad about that? Receiving oral is lush!

Shepherdspieisminging · 29/11/2018 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDowagerCuntess · 29/11/2018 17:18

Wow, what a depressing insight into the 20-something FWB set-up.

Your OP reads either as if you like him more than as a FWB scenario, and are hoping him giving you oral sex means maybe he does too...

...or ...

You think women are just there to service men, that men are entitled to oral sex, but that a woman receiving it is so strange it's worthy of analysis and thread-starting.

FML.

peachgreen · 29/11/2018 17:18

I feel like there was a period of about forty years between repression and the saturation of porn where men actually bothered about women's pleasure and prioritised it during sex. Now it seems men are getting more and more selfish and thoughtless. I'm so glad DH is a bit older and didn't grow up with porn. I don't think he could comprehend having sex without going down on me at some point - he enjoys it just as much as I do.

@Shepherdspieisminging Both oral sex and shepherd's pie are amazing, YABVVVU. Wink

HildaZelda · 29/11/2018 17:20

I had an ex who was bloody OBSESSED with going down on me. I think he actually preferred it so sex. Novelty wore off after a while. For me I mean!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 29/11/2018 17:23

Joy of sexGrin That beardy guy knew a trick or two.

But really, kids these days are having anal left right and centre but not oral? I think it's the height of bad manners that you gave your fwb a blow job and he never even offered to reciprocate.

Glad I was young when I was young.

Cambalamb · 29/11/2018 17:25

So, him putting his penis into your vagina isn't intimate? Hmm

Valanice1989 · 29/11/2018 17:29

OP, oral sex isn't rare! You're reading too much into it.

It's quite depressing how many women have FWBs, act all fun and breezy, and then start reading all sorts into their interactions and convincing themselves that he wants commitment... when actually he's been crystal-clear that she's only good enough for casual sex. (I'm not talking about the OP - she's said she doesn't think he wants more). I remember one woman posting on another forum about how her FWB "entwined his hand in mine" once during sex, and how she was wondering if this meant he was serious about her Hmm I know there are plenty of women out there who are genuinely happy to have a FWB, but generally speaking I think the whole set-up is for the benefit of men, not women.

Loonoon · 29/11/2018 17:32

Off topic - I hate oral sex, giving and receiving.

On topic - it means he fancied some oral sex. God knows why, but if you enjoyed it then YAY!

WorraLiberty · 29/11/2018 17:39

I found it intimate for him to go down on me not complaining enjoyed myself only other person who went down was my ex partner was just wondering that's all haha xx

Well of course it's intimate!

It was just as intimate as when you were sucking his cock but, I take it you or he didn't overthink that? Confused

Dahlietta · 29/11/2018 17:41

I was just curious why he randomly went for it

There is pretty much no chance that anybody on the internet can help you with this.

CaptainBrickbeard · 29/11/2018 17:44

Pornography has really ruined sex for women, hasn’t it? Blow jobs are normal and expected, so is anal - both things which aren’t primarily about female enjoyment (no, I’m not saying no women ever enjoy doing either before a ton of posters tell me both of those are their favourite thing) but a woman getting the pleasure is totally bizarre and unexpected. What the hell has happened??

NotTheFordType · 29/11/2018 17:44

I used to think receiving oral sex was pointless. Then I started shaving my pubes. JESUS H CHRIST ON A MOTORCYCLE. Once you can actually feel what's going on (instead of getting all the sensation of someone vaguely drooling through a woolly sock onto your vulva) you will never look back.

OP maybe your FWB had a frank convo with a friend like
Him: My FWB is coming over tomorrow, can't wait to bang her
Friend: Just bang her? Surely you're giving her the full three courses?
Him: Errr no? She blows me then we get to it
Friend: WTF dude, the 50s called, they want your selfish attitude to sex back. You need to go downtown or she's gonna get snapped up by someone with better skills. Get with the program
Him: Hmmm....

BlancheM · 29/11/2018 17:51

I don't understand the question...is there a question? What's the aibu?

LurkingWaspi · 29/11/2018 17:53

Both oral sex and shepherd's pie are amazing, YABVVVU
But not both at the same time.

Tinkobell · 29/11/2018 17:54

I'm not understanding. What's the matter? Is it that he didn't forward announce an agenda for the next session OP? 😁