This is not my idea of a 10k holiday !

[Itwillgeteasieripromise]

Ex pats, heading home for Christmas after a tough year, not taken any leave really in 12 months and just finished an ivf cycle with one in the freezer for when we get back. We need a rest, DH and I are shattered.
I love my family dearly, but dear god the demands !!! Every day I'm literally sent a list of 'events' to attend, including helping my sister with her kids while she has to work late. Coming home is expensive, all
you seem to do is be expected to come to people because they are so busy with Christmas. Everyday day I'm literally sent a new invite, if it's not a birthday party, it's a school play ! It doesn't help that DH and I are from opposite ends of the country (and his family think I'm a spoiled bitch) If you think of what a holiday would look like if you spend 10k I can promise you, I wouldn't be rushing around like a headless chicken, spending it sat in people's living rooms seeing their kids and being an unpaid babysitter for family ! (Rant over) I am excited honestly, but it almost feels like an ex pat tax that you have to pay every couple of years .....

They probably think you would like to see them and the kids if you’re not usually in the country .
You can always decline if you don’t want to do it, in fact you sound like you don’t even want to visit.

Yep, know the feeling. You spend thousands of euros/dollars etc to basically go and sit on your mum's sofa and/or get your diary filled by other people for a few weeks and then return home exhausted.

Just organise a family get together yourself and get it over and done with in one night.

How is it costing 10k though?!

Spend one weekend seeing everyone then kick back and do nothing for the rest of your holiday.

Like someone has suggested - why don't you host at yours or DPs parents?

If you're not proactively organising something of course you'll get invited to stuff.

You've left it a bit late tbh but you could organise catering and booze and see everyone together.

Or invite everyone out for drinks/dinner one night.

Or just say no to everything and go do something else.

You can say no to any invitations you don't want to go to. You can plan your own itinerary. You can take the initiative to contact the people you want to see and make arrangements with them. You can set time aside just to hang out with DH, or even take a day on your own. You don't have to be at other people's beck and call. You don't have to be the martyr.

Yeah how is it 10k?

And yes, how on earth is it £10k

Yeah I’m doing that this year but I only see my family and extended family once a year - I love the fact that my schedule is filled with so many things, it makes me feel like I never left.

Surely you can just say No if you want to!?

Why do DH’s family think your spoiled?

Sorry you’re!

^^ maybe the OP is going business class to see the family etc? Not sure. There’s 4 of us flying back to see my family and it’s costing us a fair few thousand (different continent) as it’s also Christmas time.

What do you want to do with the time you have in an ideal world? Maybe your families are just inviting you to be kind? Its a bit unrealistic for them to put their lives on hold for 2 weeks over Christmas when there is so much on, just because you've decided to visit.

As a former expat I completely get it, you spend a fortune coming back to your home country to shuffle around various people's houses and visit four hundred people in ten days. It's not a holiday as such, it can be really full on, and incredibly emotionally draining, especially if you don't know when you might be back next. You're seeing people just to say goodbye to them again. Plus you spend half the time feeling like you don't really fit in because everything has moved on in your absence, and yet everyone wants a bit of your time. It's immensely gratifying and wonderful to have people who love you, but tough at the same time.

It's definitely not what I would consider a 10k holiday. I always felt massively drained and horribly homesick after a trip home like that, which is basically the opposite of how you should feel after a holiday.

And yes, how on earth is it £10k

Easily if they are flying from Australia or something.

Just learn to say no to things. "Sorry I have other plans" "Sorry we really wanted a few days to rest as our schedule is busy, maybe we could see you on X day after we have visited Y"

What Cheerbear said in first reply.
If I hadn't seen family for a year, I'd be wanting to spend time with them

Where exactly are you traveling from that it will cost you £10K?

Sounds like you don't want to be here, stay home and invite people you really want to see to visit, that'll cut the wheat from the chaff and save 10 k

I did this for years when I was single. Now I have DH and DS to use as excuses (and I've conveniently lost touch with some of the friends who never made any effort). Now I see my family and the friends I want to. I usually book ONE and only one get together that is kid friendly going into the evening for those without kids and invite everyone to that. If they can't be bothered to show, pffft to them.
I also haven't been home for Christmas in 10 years! We go in summer as there is less pressure and expectation and everyone we are visiting is also less busy so the whole holiday is MUCH more enjoyable.
I totally commiserate with you though. You love them all I'm sure but they don't realise that this is YOUR VACATION!!!!

Sounds like you hate it! Probably best just not to go 'home'. After all they probably feel just as resentful at having to spend time with you.

Could easily be 10k with longhaul flights, accommodation and car hire.

DS and I never tell anyone the actual date we come home. We arrive a few days earlier and spend some time doing what we like.

First Christmas home this year in 10 years, we are renting a lodge and inviting people to stay on our terms only.

£10000?😟

I also would love to know more about the 10k

If you wanted a rest and proper holiday, why didn’t you tag on a week in the sun somewhere as a stopover? You must have known it wouldn’t happen visiting family.