To ask how many people are haplily marrried to their soul mate and how many people feel they 'settled'?

[Desperatetobeamummyonedaysoon]

As title suggests.. im not looking for judgements and ceiticism but interested to know if many women on here spent their 20s and early 30s focussed on their career and independence etc and suffendly mid 30s panicked, wanted a family and 'settled'? Im 37 soon and realistically times running out for a family.. do you settle for a decent guy and have a family knowing thr relationship may not last or do you 'hold out for true love' and run the very real risk of missing out on longed for children??

I can think both of these things.

Marriage is hard work and sometimes I feel quite negative and sometimes I feel sublimely happy, sometimes quietly content.

I presume that most marriages are like this? It's riding out the moment of bickering, irritation and low tolerance. Knowing that there are good times around the corner, being big enough to let things go, to be happy rather than right? Taking it in turns etc.

I worry that dh settled when he married me.

I met my soulmate when I was 19 and he was 20. We moved in together 3 days later. We had 16 wonderful years together until his tragically early death at the age of 36, one month before our baby’s first birthday. I never remarried and still grieve for him 27 years later. So yes, soulmates do exist. And they are irreplaceable.

For those who don't "believe in" soulmates obviously haven't experienced meeting theirs.

It really is the magical, 6th sense of wonder, unbelievable 'Mills and Boon" moment that is so breathtaking and otherworldly that you could not possibly mistake it for anything else.

It explains why most songs are written about it and is the most profound experience of one's life.

You couldn't possibly just "settle" as you would miss out on this life experience and always wonder "what if?"

And what happens if your soul mate comes a long and you are already married to someone else?

Being single means you are ready and so is the preferred status, but if time is not on your side and broodiness and companionship are more important to you, then you will just have to sacrifice ever experiencing that magic that comes when your soul mate enters your life and changes it for the better, forever.

Met Mr GB when I was 16 and him 20.
My "Other Half" in that I feel complete with him.
My Mum was distraught that I was throwing my life away... She later conceded I "Could have looked a lot longer and fared a lot worse!"
Married young, had 2 DC. Perfect reason to grow up and become more responsible!
Did degree as a mature student, fully supported by him taking children out when I had assignments to write etc.
Plenty of energy and enthusiasm for simple family stuff and learnt to live within our means.
Been through some shitty times, as have most people, but it's been shit outside our control and not of our doing and he's always been in my corner.
Not meaning to sound smug, but keen to point out that it is possible to live happily ever after.

Oh I've experienced lovely Mills and Boon, the sky is a special shade of blue and I stop to smell the roses, clasping his photo to my heart stuff.
I just wouldn't call him my soulmate. Still keep in touch and we get on great, but he'd make a rubbish partner.

I would say soul mate but I was very bloody lucky and met dp when I was 16. I'm 28 now and ds is 5.

We've had our ups and downs but we are each other's best friends without being in each other's pocket.

Very glad I didn't run the dating gamut for more than a year or two!

'Settled' (kids, blah blah) for ten years with a absolute cretin.
Settling is not a 'cosy' picture of wondering about 'the one' . It a car crash.

Been with dh now for 15 years. I regularly go past my old house and thank God Im not there anymore.

Never settle. Never. It would be better to be on your own.

We were high school sweethearts and dated for over 5 yrs. Broke up in 1983, married a couple of years later to someone I truly did love until the last few years of the marriage. After a divorce, got back together with the old boyfriend and now he is my DH, my world, my soul mate, my everything. We missed so many years together, we now spend every moment that we can together. Grocery shop, cook, shower, every moment. We've been back together for eleven years now and we are totally crazy in love. We are definitely two peas in a pod! I think the real trick to it is that I care more about making him happy than myself and he cares more about making me happy than himself!

Yeah I just can't believe in soulmates. Billions of people in the world and you find the one person in the world meant for you in your own tiny circle while down at the local pub or at someone's wedding? Convenient! The odds of that would be astronomical. Unless you mean 'this is the one person meant for me out of the teeny, tiny percentage of the world's population I have met' in which case that's fine. But I don't think that's what people mean by 'soulmates'.

I believe there are a lot of people you can be with and be in love with and be happy with. I'm very lucky to have found one and have no desire to find anyone else.

I could have settled with a previous partner but chose not to. It was a hard decision to make, but I'm so glad I made it.

My DH is truly my soulmate. He understands my crazyness and loves me for it. I couldn’t ask for more.

Met my DP when i was 21. Im 48 now.

He is absolutely my soul mate, we had a rough patch about 10 years ago but we came out the other side.

Hes my best friend.

Happily married to my soulmate. Met him at 28, moved in together after 3 weeks. We're now married and have a beautiful baby girl and I've never had a moment of doubt or felt like I've settled. He makes me blissfully happy every day. I can't imagine having a child with someone who wasn't the one, it's SO tough and you really have to be with someone you can rely on and laugh with no matter what. I had awful PND after my daughter was born and anyone else would have left me, honestly.

This will probably not be a very popular opinion however I usually read as many threads as possible and I’ve noticed a lot of people saying they only got married for security. I know it’s not everyone however I’ve seen far too many peo0le with this answer than I thought I ever would. I personally done belief in getting married but I will happily congratulate others that do want to but I think most people just settle for such reasons as ‘thier time is running out’ .

@scubalubs87

Think you have hit the nail on the head. My thoughts too

"Soulmates" can develop over time from "settled".

And vise versa.

I’ve experienced soulmate the end was devastating and I’m not sure if it would have survived having a child.

Compromised in current relationship, I could merrily kill him sometimes but at other times I want rip his clothes off. We’ve just about survived the early stages of parenthood and the future looks promising.
It’s not a perfect relationship but I think a pp’s granny was right when she said marry a man who loves you more than you love him, and I can add to that pick one who is ready to settle down and one you really fancy because that’s the glue that holds you together.

Single, nearing 30 and have been tempted to settle. I have a DD with exp who I thought was the one. Very volatile relationship, split when DD was one. He now has a similarly volatile relationship with a girl much younger than me, and another child. I still (probably naively) believe in soul mates, true love, all of it and can't quite convince myself to settle for less. I'm already pretty sure that I'll die alone

I've had a soul mate, the love of my life and settled. Yes all different blokes.
Sometimes the right person. is more about where you are in life. As much as I loved the first two there is no way I wanted to be in an actual relationship forever. I still love them on some level and everything they brought to my life but actually my overwhelming urge was children not "husband".
Now I'm older I like the idea of a long term relationship.
I adopt older dogs not puppies for the same reason. A lifetime of any one thing is not life.

I think the idea of a soulmate is seductive because it’s nice to think that someone else could fit you perfectly and make you happy.

I think the truth is that only you can make yourself happy and if you are lucky and willing to work at it you can build a partnership with someone with all of the lovely things that go along with that. There’s no perfect man, there’s no magic path to a happy life.

@knightlymyman
How unpleasant, insanely smug and very judgement are you
I’m sure it’s not the man your friends are rolling your eyes at but your total self satisfaction

After I grew out of romantic stories and fairy-tales (grand old age of 16) , I didn't want to be married. Why would you want one person around all the time in the real world?

Then I met DH. He was so different from me - not at all romantic - but wonderfully interesting and made me laugh and just so exciting. I'd have married him after 3 weeks when seeing him waiting for me at a station turned my tummy over.

More than 30 years later, I still want him around all the time. We now have so much in common and he still makes me laugh - and turns my tummy over often enough.

Don't settle and don't have overly romantic notions about soul-mates either. Choose someone you really want to have in your life and someone who really wants you. That is the first step. The rest is what you build together.

I may be cynical as I'm having a rough tine domestically, but if we truly had soulmates, isn't it an amazung piece of fate that so many people's soulmate happens to be in their local nightclub and roughly as pissed as they eere when they first meet. I think we have a talent for deluding ourselves that we've met the other part of ourselves when we could have been equally happy with a whole host of other people.

Love this thread.
Having to rewatch the film 'Hancock' because of the soul mate angle.
I believe in soul mates , that connection , but doesn't always make for a happy marriage.
Met dh at 29 and 30
He is my happy ever after
Maybe you can have more than one soul mate.
Don't settle - I could never do that.
Rather be on my own than hurt someone else.