Am I being “ selfish” not to want to do childcare in retirement?

[Oldbutstillgotit]

At the age of 64 I am retiring at Christmas. I am so looking forward to it. Because some of my friends are having to work until they get their State Pension, I have tried not to talk about it too much and have just mentioned it in passing.
A couple of weeks ago I had lunch with one of my oldest (40+ years)friends and told her my news. She seemed really pleased for me and asked what I would do . I downplayed our plans but emphasised how much I am looking forward to it .

A few days ago, my friend asked to meet me for a coffee and a chat. The bottom line is that her DD ( who is also my God daughter) is returning to work on January after Maternity Leave and wants me to look after her baby who will be 5 months old . I was a bit shocked but said that i had no plans to take another job so sorry but no. My friend really put pressure on saying that her DD cannot afford to pay for childcare but has to return in January as she has no income otherwise .
I don’t want to drip feed nor do I want to discuss my God daughter’s finances but there is no way her DH will contribute to childcare . GD has no access to his money and has to pay 50% of the bills. If she has to pay childcare she will be left with less than£20 a month.
Again I said no and I explained some of our plans . DH is 10 years older than me and has waited a long time for me to retire and we want to travel.

My DD suggested I offer 1 day but I don’t want to even do that ! I have - willingly- provided a huge amount of childcare for DGS but he is nearly 13 so I am not needed so much .

Anyway , my friend emailed me yesterday and accused me of being selfish. DH is totally against me helping but I feel that a long standing friendship will be ruined if I continue to refuse .
What do you think ?

You are not selfish op. You have no need to look after your god daughters children. I mean ffs I don't even know who my god parents are. YANBU for wanting to enjoy your retirement and travel with your husband.

The real issue is with your god daughters husband tbh.

“ Friend said she understood but “ even 1 day a week would help”. I got a bit annoyed”

Even one day would be a huge commitment, and the child will need looking after for years. When he/she is old enough for a free nursery place that would still only be 15 hours with hours before and after that don’t correspond with working hours.

Your GD and her husband have plenty of money by the sounds of it to pay for a good nursery.

You should not have to prop up her illusions/designer clothes at the expense
of your own life. Your friend should be talking to Your GD’s H. No one else has to enable them.

The GD will just have to stay at home, not have a car etc and see what happens.

I think you said you have your own grandchild already anyway.

That’s a disgusting way to treat you, they have no right to pressure you. Say no and enjoy your well-earned retirement.

Zombies

YANBU at all! The cheek of her. Enjoy your retirement guilt-free.

ZOMBIE THREAD

Yanbu your goddaughter should have thought this through before getting pregnant with a man like that. It isn’t your responsibility so don’t be pressured by your so called friend.

Why would you want to do this? Of course the answer is no.

Fuck me is she serious? I am going to great lengths so find a babysitter for 1 night in September, it wouldn't even occur to me to ask my mother's friends. What a piss take! God mother or not, yadnbu! I can't believe the cheek of some people.

You're definitely not in the wrong here, and I say that as a grandmother who provides childcare.

I'd love to see an update from 2018

Why is this 3 year old thread being discussed ?

“The MaddHugger
However, speaking of water.
I remember being taught on my Bronze Medallion Life Guard qulaification in the swimming pool that when the person drowning attempts to push the rescuer underneath them to raise themselves out of danger and gasp for air through sheer panic (apparently a common instinct), that the safest and quickest way for the rescuer to stop themselves being drawn under and ultimately save the drowner is for the rescuer to immediately push the drowner away and physically back away in the water...

You very quickly see how the drowner stops flapping and starts listening to the words of their rescuer...

sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is nothing“

How apt Mad Hugget. What a powerful image for remembering to step away. In circumstances like these where someone is refusing to see the abuse, the last thing OP should do is remove its effects of this abuse onto her own shoulders.

I am sorry. I have just seen this thread was 2018 ZOMBIE

This thread was started in 2018. Maybe op will provide an update.

Wow your friend is so cheeky. You are not being selfish at all. Don’t give in either. It’s ridiculous to expect you to give up your time when you’re retired and then secondly for free.

Your friend, and her son in law, are arseholes.

@JustKeep and others . It was a surprise to see this thread resurrected!
I did stick to my guns re childcare although I did provide a couple of days emergency childcare early on as my Goddaughter had a few issues finding a reliable CM. Since then she has sort of muddled through with zero input from her ‘d’ h .
Sad to say my friendship with her Mum didn’t fully recover as I became fed up with what I saw as snide comments about how I was spending my retirement ( pre Covid!) .
Oh and my Goddaughter is pregnant again !

I think I'm in a minority here but I love a zombie thread, especially with an update....it's like precious gold dust.

It just goes to show that making sacrifices to help others isn't the best thing to do from their perspective. It looks like the lessons to learn here is regarding the DH, not the childcare.

This is unbelievable. How anyone can be so blind to the utter cheek of this request is beyond me, I don’t see how your friend can’t see that. I wouldn’t be surprised if it affects your friendship.

"Friends" like this make me glad I dont have many ..

Please don't agree to this , it so cheeky of her to even ask . Enjoy your retirement

Wow just seen this thread OP. What a CF your friend was! Glad you stuck to your guns, shame the friendship was affected. How dare your “friend” judge you for how you spend your well-earned retirement! Hope you’re having a lovely time

@Oldbutstillgotit / thank you for updating! And sorry, I should have just messaged you rather than starting this up again.

It’s a shame your friendship hasn’t recovered, but I hope you are having lots of fun in your retirement!

@12548ehe9fnfobms

I think I'm in a minority here but I love a zombie thread, especially with an update....it's like precious gold dust.

It just goes to show that making sacrifices to help others isn't the best thing to do from their perspective. It looks like the lessons to learn here is regarding the DH, not the childcare.

Definitely not in the minority, me too! Updates are great as you never know whose still around or whether it was true.

Thank you for updating us OP, I’m sorry your friendship ended up this way. I’m also sorry that your DGD is not only still with him but pregnant again! What a fool.

I can’t believe your god daughter is pregnant again when they could barely afford the first. I bet her DH isn’t as wealthy as he claims to be. At least you don’t have to worry about being pressured into being a free babysitter as you’re no longer friends with her mum!