Am I being “ selfish” not to want to do childcare in retirement?

[Oldbutstillgotit]

At the age of 64 I am retiring at Christmas. I am so looking forward to it. Because some of my friends are having to work until they get their State Pension, I have tried not to talk about it too much and have just mentioned it in passing.
A couple of weeks ago I had lunch with one of my oldest (40+ years)friends and told her my news. She seemed really pleased for me and asked what I would do . I downplayed our plans but emphasised how much I am looking forward to it .

A few days ago, my friend asked to meet me for a coffee and a chat. The bottom line is that her DD ( who is also my God daughter) is returning to work on January after Maternity Leave and wants me to look after her baby who will be 5 months old . I was a bit shocked but said that i had no plans to take another job so sorry but no. My friend really put pressure on saying that her DD cannot afford to pay for childcare but has to return in January as she has no income otherwise .
I don’t want to drip feed nor do I want to discuss my God daughter’s finances but there is no way her DH will contribute to childcare . GD has no access to his money and has to pay 50% of the bills. If she has to pay childcare she will be left with less than£20 a month.
Again I said no and I explained some of our plans . DH is 10 years older than me and has waited a long time for me to retire and we want to travel.

My DD suggested I offer 1 day but I don’t want to even do that ! I have - willingly- provided a huge amount of childcare for DGS but he is nearly 13 so I am not needed so much .

Anyway , my friend emailed me yesterday and accused me of being selfish. DH is totally against me helping but I feel that a long standing friendship will be ruined if I continue to refuse .
What do you think ?

Love an update, thanks op!! Feels like only yesterday I was reading this 😱

@ClarkeGriffin

Because the op posted an update?

Someone else bumped it. OP has updated. People are still replying to the OP's now irrelevant original post from 3 years ago.

That's what I was talking about.

This was one of the first threads I read when I was new on MN and it really stuck with me. I actually mentioned it yesterday on another thread about cheeky childcare demands.

I'm glad to hear you stood firm, OP.

@Oldbutstillgotit Thank you for updating.

Your friend is the one who has spoilt the friendship by holding it against you that you wouldn't get involved in her ridiculous family situation.

Your GD is making her choice to be in that situation and it is not your responsibility to facilitate it for her.

(I hadn't seen the thread in 2018 but I just read all your posts and was almost in tears about your DH giving you the holiday info early as he was afraid you might be persuaded by friend and GD.)

Definite no! The world's gone mad and somehow it is always for someone else to step in to deal with issues elsewhere. Time is precious and use it in the way you want and makes you happy.

YANBU!! I have at least 15 years to retirement but DH & I are saving our pensions & discussing already how we hope our retirement will be. It does not include regular grandchild care.

I think it's your friend who sounds selfish and somewhat entitled! Enjoy your retirement, you've clearly worked hard/made life choices to be able to do that at 64!

Before I realised it was a zombie I was going to say the friendship was ruined anyway, as if you did it you’d resent it and if you didn’t shed resent you. Proven accurate, but better to be resented and not taken advantage of and having a wonderful retirement any day of the week.

Thank you for the update, I remember the original too.

Don't be guilted or pushed into it. Enjoy your retirement, go travelling like you've planned to. I don't understand why she can't look after her own grandchild. How is it your responsibility? Seriously don't do it!

No way would I do this either. It's not on that you were asked about this.
You are at liberty to say, and do. what you please now. Don't worry about what others think, and say about you,

I honestly can't believe people are so rude and cheeky as to ask such a favour.
It's not even your grandchild. maybe your friend should drop a day at work to help her daughter if she's so concerned about her daughter's finances.
Either the bloody partner stumps up for at least his half of childcare or if they are on low wages they may get some help with childcare costs from universal credit. Either was this is nothing to do with you and simply not your problem.

oh wow nice to see you op sorry your frienships suffered but really theyve brought it on themselves

gd sounds a bit spoilt even if she is being financially abused to say she wanted to sta because of the lifestyle well its her bed isnt it

hope you and dh are enjoying your retirment

I think your friends daughter and your friend need to be discussing the problem of childcare with the partner who is father of the child. It’s half his responsibility and half the mothers. It’s nothing to do with you.

Sorry old thread

That’s hilarious
No one would ever agree to be a god parent ,if that was what was expected

Wow, great to get an update but hasn't time flown?!!!