To stop sending my child to nursery cause they allow him outside

[O8O818]

here me out, I hope I'm not being PFB but I am so fed up with my child's nursery. Time and time again I've said he is not to be outside, but nobody listens! Each day he comes home caked in mud, all up his back, caked on his shoes, not wearing any gloves or a hat, some times not even wearing his wellies just his indoor shoes! Its Baltic. On Friday I went to collect him and they said he was outside making hot chocolate... with the mud he was rolling around like a pig in shit but he was covered from head to toe, in his hair, his ears, his back from when another kid through a mudball at him I don't know whether I'm overreacting though? Aibu!!

Is this some rare form of uniquely Scottish mud, because round my way the mud freezes when it's "Baltic". ?

Baltic doesnt necessarily mean the ground is frozen, it means its bloody cold, especially with a strong cold wind blowing.

Same with 'freezing cold'. It was 'freezing cold' here yesterday, strong bitterly cold wind and rain but not frozen ground/ice/snow although we had hail the other day (but no ice on the ground)
Its how we say it in Scotland and I suspect in many parts of England people say "Its freezing cold today" when it actually isnt.

Nit picking?

I though nurseries structured play for their charges, not just left them to their own devices

All childcare setting have a mix of structured play and free play.
You cant possibly expect little kids to be 'doing something structured' every second of the day. They need to use their own initiative and imagination, chose playmates, join in with others or play alone and chose what they want to do themselves (within reason) (That doesnt mean rolling in mud for the whole session just because they want to. Its up to the adults in charge to moderate/guide the play when its inappropriate!)

Free play is vitally important to all areas of a childs developement.

I fear someone who can't appreciate that mud can be cold wet and sticky all at the same time is beyond reason. They just sound ridiculous and I sincerely hope no 2 year old is left in their charge.

What really troubles me here is the number of MNers who seem to want to play god with some poor family through the medium of the internet.

We started with a possibly vulnerable, definitely undecided mum who just wanted to know if she was being unreasonable to be cross about not having sufficient time to keep on top of the laundry, since her child was at his happiest when playing outside. Her son had quite particular needs which she has clearly stated were being met by the nursery. He is happy there.

Some people have, on the basis of zero evidence, decided the child is "unsupervised", an opinion, not a fact, which has not and cannot be proven here. Mum admits he could be observed through a window. But this isn’t enough for some . They need mum to believe this is a terrible nursery. They need her to doubt her son's happiness. They need her to be anxious. They need to fuel her fears. They need to plant and nurture that seed of doubt until she mistrusts everything the nursery does.

Well congratulations! You’ve taken a little mud problem and turned it around until you’ve convinced some poor woman to uproot her happy, settled DS from his scarce nursery place and make him start again from scratch at some new, strange, unfamiliar setting....... if she can find one, with all the time and stress involved in searching for childcare. And if she does find one, she’ll never again be sure it’s right, because the same doubt and mistrust are likely to arise soon enough. That’s what happens when you make people fearful of what might be happening to their child when they aren’t around.

I’ve no doubt all you laptop warriors will come back with your own brand of self-justification, for manipulating someone who probably doesn’t even know what you’re doing with her lif, but it doesn’t wash with me.

Itsaboojum, he HAD to wear his boots on Friday as I had no other footwear left. Other days when he has his shoes and boots, they don't make him wear the wellies.
He (8 times out of 10) is always wearing a thick jacket, except for the occasions where I can't get them washed and dried. Then he wears his hoody.
The child through the mud then went inside, I didn't say he is constantly on his own but that's what it appears like when I'm collecting him. Are you satisfied?

howabout No of course they don't stick to their own charges. But I highly doubt that it is only the OPs child playing outside.
And as I said you have kids coming in and out every 5 minutes - going outside for a few minutes then coming back in. So I don't see it as a big deal if they refuse to put their coats on. Although I only worked in places for 3 years and up.

If the Op didn't already have doubts she wouldn't be canvasing opinion on the internet. I thought in this day and age we had stopped blindly trusting the authorities and were more open to listening to a Mother's gut instinct when she perceives something not right about the treatment of her child in a "care" setting.

I wasn't there when the child threw the mud, the nursery said it to me, and that's why he was so badly covered. It's not a common occurance of this happening.
It's not often I have to make him wear his wellies, I just got behind with the washing this week, you know as we all do.
And I forgot there was spare shoes in his bag, I was just rushing. They weren't happy he was wearing his wellies inside but I said I had no other footwear, totally forgetting the pair in his bag clearly so did they as they didn't even challenge it.

My son was like that at nursery. I ended up going to Asda etc and buying loads of spares of everything.

Abacucat, it is of my own estimation he is outside for a good hour at a time, I've picked him up only a handful of times I admit and he has been soaked through, even wet feet. That same day he didn't go in for snack, so I assumed he had been out a while

OP, I do hope you find the best solution for your son, who seems to have been forgotten by those who are determined to manipulate and shout down anyone who disagrees with them.

I asked before why he's outside alone "oh he loves it, it allows us to have other 1-1 time with other children" "he is so well behaved he doesn't need a teacher out there"

Op claims she is told this and still sends him there. Nonsense.

Yes because I don't have a choice it's so easy for you all to say oh don't send him there but I'm a very stressed mum, just trying to do the best for everyone if I don't work I get penalised from the job centre but I wanted him to experience nursery, we are never around children his age

wtf

Then the nursery are awful and you should be removing him surely and finding somewhere else? Even if there is no other nursery there will be childminders.

You sound a little overinvested, itsaboojum. Even if the nursery is not quite as bad as it sounds, I don't see how it can possibly be a mistake if OP removes her child from there and chooses a childminder instead. However with every one of her posts, (and ignoring everyone else), the nursery situation ust sounds worse and worse.

And, safeguarding issues aside, even on a practical level, OP is using this service to enable her to work. She has 3 children under 5 and the amount of extra work in this nursery generates in terms of washing and difficulty in getting clothes dry in time for the next day/week is causing OP a lot of unecessary stress. No, moving, if that is a possibilty, cannot be a wrong decision.

And actually I walked past the nursery this morning, there was 1 child outside and from what I could see, was alone. could have been an adult staring out the window
Wearing no hat and no jacket! Its like 4 degree!!!

@O8O818 Jesus, it's bitter where I am in Scotland too op.

My son was wearing; vest, long sleeved top, jumper, winter coat, hat, warm trousers, socks & boots this morning and I put him in his buggy with his cosy toes.

If I saw a small child in someone's garden this morning with no hat or jacket by themselves I'd probably phone the police if I didn't feel comfortable ringing the doorbell.

The main point is that he shouldn't be outside unaccompanied. My DC went to a nursery school which followed the High Scope approach to nursery education, so it was all child-led. If a child wishes to go outside, no-one would stop them BUT at member of staff HAD to be with them.

I would therefore question their policy on allowing a child to be outside alone.

If you turn up at nursery and your child is wet through, ask the staff if they think that is appropriate.

If you child's clothes are caked in mud, remember that mud dries and can be brushed off. There is a difference between muddy clothes and dirty clothes. You don't need to send your child to nursery in pristine condition clothes.

If you are not happy with the nursery, don't send your child. You appear to have an alternative of your mum, or you can look for a childminder. There are other options.

Also remember that children don't feel the cold in the same way we do.

Outdoor play is good and should be encouraged but needs appropriate clothing. At his age, especially as a delayed learner, the nursery should be making sure he is wearing the clothes you are providing for outdoor play (especially considering the location and weather).

Agree with PPs that it is the latter issue which needs to be taken up with the nursery. Comments about his being outside allowing more time with the other children are just odd.

Alongside the complaint process though it might be worth looking into childminders who have one or two other toddlers. I know it isn't your first choice but in the absence of suitable nursery options it might be the next best option until the school nursery is available, even if his extra provision can't follow him.

I don't know why people keep saying that children don't feel the cold the same as we do. They do feel the cold and small children are very bad at regulating their own temperature. They just can't describe how they feel accurately. It doesn't mean they don't feel it. It's even more dangerous for a small child to get too cold than it is for an adult.

We sent our DD to outdoor school. We were responsible for providing weather appropriate clothing and gear each day. They were outside almost the entire time unless the weather was actually dangerous. Many days I picked her up she was filthy. I would throw her gear onto the towel I always had waiting in the car and as soon as we got home she went in the bath.

Parents pay good money for their littles to make mud pies, hand move the caterpillars off the school garden, and read under the trees.

Your real problem is lack of proper supervision and care. I would find a different nursery.

Op claims she is told this and still sends him there. Nonsense.

It's the same nonsense as someone on benefits not getting a cleaner.

How do you know he is unsupervised OP?