Moral Dilemma - to sell this and pocket the cash?

[PersonaNonGarter]

I have a moral dilemma.

A Sponging Relative (‘SR’) has run up so much debt that he has finally been evicted from his property and is likely to be made bankrupt shortly. He is also a massive hoarder. Recently, my aunt went to visit SR and suggested he part with some toys rather than pack them before eviction. The toys were given to my DC.

The toys turn out to be worth a lot of money and I will sell them rather than have them take up space - DC aren’t going to play with them. Should I :

1. Pocket the cash and give it to my DC on some way like a holiday
2. Give it to the very skint SR
3. Give the cash to some of the people SR has sponged off.

He doesn’t sponge off me although he has tried. In law, I know they were a gift and are mine/DCs. But morally...?

Those toys were given to your kids in good faith. If your kids don’t want them the moral thing to do would be to give them back to your aunt and tell her their worth, so she may get back some of the money her son owes her. It’s so sad that while she thought of you and your kids, you aren’t thinking of her. Surely family’s more important than money. If not then what’s the difference between you and your sponging cousin?

It’s so sad that while she thought of you and your kids, you aren’t thinking of her. Give the money to your aunt.

I’m not going to give you a hard time about it at all @PersonaNonGarter. I’d personally do Option 1 and not look back about it all. Giving the money to either your aunt or the SR would be throwing good money after bad. Sell the toys, bank 70% of it for your DC and spend the other 30% on something nice for you and your DH. There’s no point in it laying about your house either.

No one wants the toys. They want either: my DC to have them, or, money.

If it is to be money, then I would need to decide to invest resources in realising that. I’m not saying I wouldn’t do that - but the whole situation isn’t of my choosing so I am not sure why I should.

Except, maybe because I feel sorry for the creditors.

By taking your own time and effort to sell them only to give the money to him, you are throwing good money after bad. Best option in my eyes is to sell them but put the money away and not touch it. See how things pan out with who to give it too later. He's in a shit situation and he may or may not turn his life around - at which point the money will come in handy for him.

You should because it would make you a decent human being. And as you said most of your cousin’s ‘creditors’ are family. You have to be a real piece of work to pocket something when it belongs to your family.

Your aunt has told you that she wants either the money or for your children to keep the toys?

@PersonaNonGarter I also wouldn’t bother giving any money to the landlord (how bizarre of PP to suggest that) or to the other creditors. Since the latter are all friends and family, if words gets around that Person A got their £500 back but Persons B through J didn’t, it can cause major chaos and spiteful trust issues among the group. I’d seriously just sell it and keep your mouth shut. :)

You haven't mentioned if you really need the money. To be honest I think you should tell your aunt how much the toys are worth and let her decide.

Cherries, they are a big box of toys - not actual cash. Pretty sure I can be a decent human being without spending my own money repaying a not-great-guy’s creditors. It is nothing to do with me.

But I still feel a bit strange about it. Particularly because he is broke. Partly because his creditors seem like nice people trying to give help. Partly because I don’t want the toys or the hassle.

I’d sell them and give the money to charity. I wouldn’t feel right profiting out of something that had been given to me by someone who didn’t realise it was valuable.

Either text him or the aunt saying you've found out they're worth x amount and do they want them back. If so, they need to bank transfer the cost of postage. Job done either way.

I've only read the op and half the posts, but can't bear to read any more.

How is this in any way a dilemma? How can anyone say number 1?
That is beyond shocking.

Sell the items, either give him all the money, or pay back his creditors on his behalf.

I’d make sure they are stored properly and put them in the loft. Your Dc could use them for university funding when the time comes

@arethereanyleftatall Am I morally obliged to sell them (spend the time/money/resources on the sale)?

Aunt would be upset at the sale for emotional attachment reasons. She doesn’t want the toys back - but she doesn’t want them sold either. (The hoarding thing is hereditary...).

The situation is quite mad, but the box of toys is very, very much a side issue to the smorgasbord of drama that SR lives in.

Sell the items, either give him all the money, or pay back his creditors on his behalf.

Honestly, why? He’ll likely squander it or give it to his OH who’s addicted to opiates. The creditors will likely never be made whole seeing as he owes them £60,000 and the landlord £39,000 in rent. We’re not sure of the OP’s aunt but if she’s an enabler, she may just turn over the money to the SR anyway and then wash, rinse, repeat. Giving him the money may actually be throwing gas on the fire and prolong the denial stage of him accepting consequences for his actions.

The charity option mentioned above may be a good option if the the OP feels icky about it all but I’d genuinely walk to bank without guilt simply based on the abysmal circumstances.

2

You seem like a bit of a shitty person. Who accepts expensive items (from a skint person) that they don't actually want and then thinks it's ok to sell them on? It isn't your business to pay back his owed money. Give the items back to him, explain they are worth some money and leave him to deal with it.

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THIS

Sponging or not, if they were given to your kids then they belong to them, and I would just let them keep them. If they outgrow them then sell them but definitely give the money to the kids.

Am I morally obliged to sell them (spend the time/money/resources on the sale)?

I don’t think anyone would judge you for keeping your costs. But I don’t see how you can justify keeping the entire proceeds on the basis that your relative sponges off others - wouldn’t you be doing a similar thing?

Tell your aunt AND SR (send an email) that the toys are both a) unsuitable for your dc & b) valuable, so you don't feel you should keep them.

They can reclaim them, sell them & do what they like with the cash OR work out a way to store them OR tell you to dispose of as you see fit.

Either they don't want the hassle & confirm that the toys are yours (conscience clear - sell them & enjoy proceeds) or they say thank you very much, send you the P&P for returning them & recoup it from the proceeds.

Toys were gifted to your kids. I would sell them and put the money in asacibgs account for them

You're getting a hard time OP for something that it sounds like you didn't want to happen in the first place. SR was being evicted and your aunt wanted the toys out of the way. I would sell them and then hold on to the money for a bit. Is there someone in the family who is owed some money and really needs it paid back?

Ugh.
I would talk to your aunt - explain your situation and say that the children aren't likely to play with the toys, and you haven't the storage space.
Offer them back to her and explain that they are worth a fair bit of money - then she can decide whether to keep them, sell them on and keep the money, or sell them on and give SR the money.
Or she might give them to someone else.

But talking to your aunt seems to be the best way forward - pass the moral dilemma to someone else!

I couldn't be comfortable keeping the money, I don't think, not given the situation - unless your aunt gives you the go-ahead to sell and keep the money. I'm assuming SR is more closely related to your aunt than you, since she took responsibility for getting the toys to you - so she'd be better placed to make the decision on whether or not SR should get the money (I'd say no - it would be like throwing it into a massive sink-hole).

I think I would keep the toys for now and sell later on.

Although I get that they are literally just sitting in a cupboard, to sell them straight away for a holiday screams 'cheeky bitch'.

Give it a year and do it then x