Moral Dilemma - to sell this and pocket the cash?

[PersonaNonGarter]

I have a moral dilemma.

A Sponging Relative (‘SR’) has run up so much debt that he has finally been evicted from his property and is likely to be made bankrupt shortly. He is also a massive hoarder. Recently, my aunt went to visit SR and suggested he part with some toys rather than pack them before eviction. The toys were given to my DC.

The toys turn out to be worth a lot of money and I will sell them rather than have them take up space - DC aren’t going to play with them. Should I :

1. Pocket the cash and give it to my DC on some way like a holiday
2. Give it to the very skint SR
3. Give the cash to some of the people SR has sponged off.

He doesn’t sponge off me although he has tried. In law, I know they were a gift and are mine/DCs. But morally...?

The debts will be very large and the sponging off friends is not well documented. I am not close enough to know the details (although I could find out).

Maybe post them to your aunt?

Sounds like you’ve made up your mind, anyway.

Why would you want to financially gain from someone who is about to go bankrupt?

Give it to your aunt or someone he owes.

Definitely haven’t made up my mind.

DH thinks it is all too stressful to know what to do and we will just have to stick the toys in a cupboard and let them rot. They take up quite a lot of room though!

If he is made bankrupt his trustee in bankruptcy will be very interested in assets that have regently been given away and are no longer part of the estate available to pay his creditors. It isn't your job to decide which creditors to pay. There is a legal hierarchy of creditors in a bankruptcy. And a trustee can go after assets that have been given away.

I would do 3 although only give money to actual friends and relatives who could do with the cash. I wouldn't pay back loan companies and the like as SR just represents the risk their actuaries will have factored into calculations.

The trustee in bankruptcy will be SR’s problem, not mine. And I highly doubt that ‘box of toys’ recently sent 300miles away will be noted (although they are welcome to collect!).

Option 1 sounds appealing. But don’t make any decisions yet. It’s worth doing the decent thing here.

Today 23:24Woooman

You seem like a bit of a shitty person. Who accepts expensive items (from a skint person) that they don't actually want and then thinks it's ok to sell them on? It isn't your business to pay back his owed money. Give the items back to him, explain they are worth some money and leave him to deal with it.

This ⬆️

I think you should give him the money actually, he's obviously in a really shit position (his own fault apparently) it was his stuff, and you would be doing a good thing.

Option 1, they now belong to your DC so sell them and buy something else for them. Don't tie yourself in knots over this. The SR could have sold the toys if they were bothered and it sounds like even if you did give the money to them it would be wasted. It is not your business who they owe money to, keep out of it

I couldn’t shaft someone like that, especially a family member. Given to you or not it seems a little dishonest, but you sound like you don’t give a shite, so...

How much are the toys worth? I'm not sure why but to me it seems different situations if they were worth £500

Dotty, I just responded to that. He doesn’t live on my street and we are talking about a toy trunk. The ‘return the items’ option requires transport that wouldn’t be available for some time. SR wouldn’t want the toys - but he would want the money, which I could transfer. Hence the dilemma.

For background, SR’s partner is addicted to opiates. SR has run through thousands of other people’s cash with barely a backwards glance. He doesn’t pay rent, tax or debts. He sponges. He would have pawned the stuff if he thought it was valuable. Instead, he hoarded it.

I can't believe you would ask the question OP, what sort of person are you?

These items were given on the understanding that your child would enjoy them. You're not giving them to your child. They're not really yours on that basis although they might be in law. You're not close to this relative and you don't give a fig for them seemingly. I get that you don't want to help them but their issues smack of a mental health condition because who doesn't use an Oxford degree?

You really don't sound very nice with your dismissiveness - and entitlement yourself! You moan about having to store them, etc. but at the idea of selling them and pocketing the cash - you're all for it. I'm glad you're not in my family.

Toys worth £700- £2000.

Rent arrears £39k (yes, really); debts to friends/relatives/credit £60k

Fuck it, the toys were a gift to your kids, I'd enjoy the money. Holiday or savings, or some lovely Christmas activities.

Anything but option 1.

2

Who made you judge and jury? To do 1 and profit from his misfortune would make you as sponging as him.

If I am seeming hard nosed, SR has sponged and lied.

He has taken a ton of other people’s time, money and advice - and wasted it. He is not a great guy.

That said, his current situation is miserable.

He wouldn’t use the cash for a first months deposit - he isn’t that practical. He’d stay in a nicer hotel for a few days and then call someone else up for money.

But it's your aunt who sent them to you, not the bankrupt smackhead. I think it's probably best to say to your aunt: these things are worth quite a bit of money, would you like me to sell them/give them back? If she's given them to you then she doesn't get to insist that you keep them in a cupboard, f course.

Tell your aunt how much the toys are worth and let her decide what to do. She may well tell you to just sell them and keep the money but doing so without consulting her would make you deceitful and a bit of a sponge yourself. (Though obviously not to the extent of your relative.)

As previous posters, and my DH have said, there is always option 4: put in cupboard/shed and forget about it.

The toys won’t sell themselves or post themselves back. It will require effort, time and money (of mine).

That list of creditors the one at the top is the tax man I believe

Sorry, I should clear up what ‘sponging’ is in this context: soliciting money/favours from people with no intention of repayment.

I have not solicited anything and any action I take will be at my own cost. I cannot be the sponger here!