Not everyone feels sorry for Mums of just boys or only children

[AlwaysFuckingTired]

Speaking to an acquaintance who mentioned feeling sorry for two of the women she works with in her office. One a Mum of 2 boys, and the other a Mum of one. Apparently she feels awkward as she thinks they're both jealous of her as she's a Mum of both sexes. I asked why she thought that, and she said "oh all women want a Daughter don't they? and everyone wants more than one" I said I've known lots of people happy with an only child or all boys, and she pulled an odd face as if she didn't believe me and said "well that's what people say"

AIBU to think she's a bit of a knob?

As a Pp said most of us love our kids unconditionally regardless of wether they are boys or girls i think the posters that are saying they would hate to have girls are just as baf as the women in the Op I find it hard to imagine what it would be like to have daugjtrrs but thats because i have only. Had boys if i had , had girls im sure i would have loved them just as much .

I have two girls and have been asked if I'm going to "try for a boy" multiple times.

I have 2 boys and honestly have never felt jealous of those with a daughter. What an odd thing to say.

I have two boys. I love it although I must admit I would love a girl.

I’d hate to think people felt sorry for me though, because I feel nothing but lucky to be the mum to my gorgeous sons

Thinking about it, I have been asked in the past if we're going to "try for a girl" too.
Why? Two healthy kids (touch wood) I don't feel like we need a set or something!

Gentlygently Those are more stereotypes, but you have to acknowledge you will need to either battle them, or let them do the work for you, if you have a strong preference for something.

But if you have these gender stereotypes in mind when thinking of your preferred sex what happens when the desired boy (for example) arrives but doesn’t meet your expectations? Are you disappointed with your son because he doesn’t like football and wants to be a ballet dancer? By buying into the stereotypes with your preferences you could well be disappointed even if your child is the right sex. I have read examples of this on mn where posters feel their mothers are disappointed in them for not being ‘girly’ enough and it has damaged their relationship.

I have two DDs, I have never felt the desire for a boy, that's not to say I would have been disappointed if I'd have had one, I'm sure I would have loved him, I just don't feel I'm missing out by not having one.

PIL did used to go on about us trying again for a boy after DD2 was born. We were their last chance for a grandson and I think they felt a little cheated when DD2 popped out.

I do however have a friend who has theee boys and feels incredibly cheated that she never got a daughter. She loves her sons, who are now teenagers, but she openly says (not to her boys obviously) she'd get pregnant again tomorrow if she could gaurentee a girl and still feels a little bitter when people she knows give birth to daughters.

So there are people out there who feel that way. They're not necessarily bad people. Just people who feel a bit disappointed that they never got something they'd always thought they'd have.

YANBU.

Out of three dc, dd is the diva trickiest. All down to the child's personality IME.

I have 3 girls, this year we had our 4th - a boy ! A lady in the doctors said “well there must have been some celebrating in the family when HE arrived” 10 year daughter was completely bemused !

Mouse

I think, personally, it would be odd to be disappointed with an actual child for expressing their own personality.

However, suppose I really liked football, and I only had girls, and none of them did like football. I would probably think 'if I had had a boy it would have been more likely he did like football'. And statistically I would be right [and society would have helped with that] Even though it is perfectly possibly I could have had a boy that didn't like it!

If I actually had that boy, I would love him for who he is, but I wouldn't feel I had missed out on that 'chance'.

I suppose I am saying there are more 'boyish' boys than 'boyish' girls, and vice versa.

So you have only one sex, and you prefer the pastimes that are stereotypically the other one, you feel you might have missed out on a higher chance of having a child that shared your preference.

If you have one or more of each, and none turned out as expected, well that is life!

@Tinytreefrog

I do however have a friend who has three boys and feels incredibly cheated that she never got a daughter. She loves her sons, who are now teenagers, but she openly says (not to her boys obviously) she'd get pregnant again tomorrow if she could guarantee a girl and still feels a little bitter when people she knows give birth to daughters.

I used to know a woman (who I have nothing to do with now,) with 4 sons (3 all in their 20's, and one in his early 30's.) She cried for a month when her third one was a boy, and actually went into a severe low for about a year when her fourth was a boy again. Her family have money, and even at 50 something, she has never had to go out to work, as the family business (started by her father in the 1970's) has kept her and her husband - her husband works for the company.

Several months after her fourth son, her cousin had a daughter. Her first child. The first daughter in the extended family for 20 years (this was mid 1990's,) and she disowned the cousin and the child, and went into a rage if anyone mentioned her or the little girl. Said cousin went on to have a second baby a year later - another daughter. She was incensed, and said some pretty vile things to be honest. Cruel, evil things about her cousin and what she wishes had happened to her babies.

I distanced myself from her after that, and have not spoke to her for many years. Her cousin and cousin's husband, (and her 2 daughters) are really lovely people, and the girls are very close to their mum - and their dad. They both live 5-10 miles from them. The 4 boys the woman I used to know had, have all left home now, and every one of them lives over 100 miles away - one lives abroad. She sees them no more than once or twice a year.

Hardly surprising they are not close, seeing as how she made it clear to everyone how much she didn't want them - especially the second 2 of the 4 boys. She has no grandchildren yet, but will probably not be interested in them anyway, as she doesn't really care that much about anyone else but herself.

As a number of posters have said, when there is gender disappointment, it is very rare that it's a girl that someone is disappointed with. In addition to the woman with the 4 boys, I know at least half a dozen women with 2 or 3 boys, who have expressed a desire for a girl, and although they love their sons, they do lament the daughter they never had.

See I always thought boys were more highly prized if either sex was. Sons are spoiled and treated like little kings and girls are treated like their little skivvys in a lot of the families I know.

I have one of each.

My second is only 19m but so far I haven’t seen any real difference between the sexes. Maybe as they get bigger this becomes more apparent.

I always wanted one of each but I think I’ve learnt now that it doesn’t make any difference and I was probably just buying into stereotypes of ‘ideal’ family.

Strangely loads of people have commented how ‘lucky’ I am to have one of each and a pigeon pair was mentioned a lot. No one has asked me if I’m having a third and a couple of people have even said stuff like - well you don’t need to have any more you have one of each?! People are strange.....

I have one of each and I would have preffered having both of them the same sex, regardless of which one it is.

Where the hell did you dig all that up from winterfell?

You get what you are given in this world. Sadly some people don't get anything. Most people are totally grateful for their blessings. We have a daughter and if we are lucky enough to have another I can say, hand on heart, that I don't have a gender preference.

Gently

I understand your point, and to be clear I am aware people have these feelings and I am not judging them. The problem is if you accept these feelings uncritically then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy i.e. my child is a boy so he will like football so I’ll take him to football and he does like it so my bias is confirmed. However he may have preferred ballet but was just never given the chance.

@WinterfellWench

Obviously some of them are bad people! The woman you know sounds awful!!

My friend isn't like that, or we wouldn't be friends. She loves her sons, and would never stop talking to someone because they had a daughter. She just feels a little sad for herself as she always imagined herself with a girl and feels she is missing out on the mother daughter relationship.

I have 2 boys and no desire for a girl. Why would I badmouth girls? I used to be one and thought I was awesome more seriously though I have 6 nieces I love to bits (same as my 6 nephews) I’d never call them bitchy or make snide comments

@tinytreefrog

Well yeah the woman I used to know is a bit of an extreme case, but I was just highlighting how disappointed and angry and bitter she was at not having a daughter, and how she resented people who did have them. (Because you had said you knew someone who felt bitter when she sees people having girls.)

And as I said, I also know a number of people who, although they love their sons, really regret not having a daughter.

I get that your friend was not as bad as this woman I knew.

I have a boy. I don't want a girl. I want more boys.

I wanted a girl before he was born but then I realised nah... I want 72662829 more boys. He's the light of my life 😍

I would clash horribly with a girl when she's older probably if I had one.

I wanted two of the same sex, but didn’t care if that was two boys or two girls. (Growing up with an abusive brother I didn’t like meant I feared the boy/girl configuration.)

I've never come across this only boys thing before.
Only children yes, suggesting someone wants the "other" sex, yes.

I've had 2 boys for nearly 10 years and have never had anyone suggest I'm missing having a girl.

My cousin has three sons. The look on my mum's face when telling someone was priceless.