Not everyone feels sorry for Mums of just boys or only children

[AlwaysFuckingTired]

Speaking to an acquaintance who mentioned feeling sorry for two of the women she works with in her office. One a Mum of 2 boys, and the other a Mum of one. Apparently she feels awkward as she thinks they're both jealous of her as she's a Mum of both sexes. I asked why she thought that, and she said "oh all women want a Daughter don't they? and everyone wants more than one" I said I've known lots of people happy with an only child or all boys, and she pulled an odd face as if she didn't believe me and said "well that's what people say"

AIBU to think she's a bit of a knob?

She’s crazy! I have two boys and my longing for another is because I want another boy not a girl. I love being the only princess in my house! It’s brilliant being a boy mum and I couldn’t be happier.

I have 2DC. I didn't find out the sexes during scans because I wasn't bothered either way.

I know someone with six boys. I don't think it's terrible that she would have liked one of two of them to have been girls.

I have 2 boys. I posted in here a few weeks ago after a Mum of 1 boy said to me at a baby group that she really hoped she didn’t have a boy second time around.

If I’m being totally honest, I would have liked a girl to share a close relationship with like i do with my mum but who is to say if I did have a girl, that we would have that? And who is to say that I won’t have a great relationship with my sons? Besides, if I did have a girl, then that would mean I wouldn’t have my gorgeous sons, which doesn’t bear thinking about.

I had a miscarriage before DS2 arrived and after a difficult pregnancy I was just so relieved when he arrived unscathed.

I have 2 boys. When someone asked me would I go for the girl, I just replied I wanted 2 kids i got 2 kids. In fact when I had my first son i hoped my second would be a boy. I grew up with just a brother and I always felt we both missed out on not having a sibling of the same sex. My boys are completely different and into different things but they.seen to have a connection and the same humour that I never felt with my sibling.

I think it’s ok to have a preference but very weird to assume people are jealous. I mean if her daughters are intelligent, go to bed on time, never wake up in the night, never get ill, never have a tantrum, eat all their vegetables, then I might be jealous.

I always thought if I had 2 I would prefer the same sex as I assumed it would make it easier.

@MouseTheDog
I am not being disingenuous. The sex of your children does not matter unless you plan to treat your children differently as a result. I am really confused by anyone who thinks girls or boys are one homogeneous mass that behave in a certain way. I mean, have you met people other than yourself? I am a woman and do not find myself identical in personality and behaviour to every other woman on the planet, do you?
Of course all women aren't identical but there are huge biological and social factors that distinguish men from women. These things shape our children in ways we can't control and will affect the people they become and their relationships with other people including us. There isn't a one size fits all and I don't believe all girls like dolls/pink etc but I do believe at a population level the sexes have different behaviour patterns and form different types of relationships with their mothers. I'm not saying that the most common mother/daughter type relationships are superior to the mother/son relationships but just that in my experience they do tend to be different and I can understand why some mothers would have a preference for one over the other.

She's a weirdo, but my grandmother was the same. Prior to my cousin having her son in 2016, there hadn't been a boy born in the family for close to 60 years. My grandmother said she was the envy of all of her friends for only having female grandchildren/great grandchildren. It's obviously a load of tosh. Who gives a fuck?!

She’s a dick. Everyone thinks their own children are superior to anybody else’s, regardless of how many they have or what’s in their pants.

I just wanted to respond to the “yuck, I could cope with pink princess crap!” posts though. I would have said the same pre-DD, but when she started showing an interest at about 18 months (when she leaned out of the baby seat in a shopping trolley and grabbed a pink sparkly tutu off the rail) I let her get on with it. 6 years later she loves pink sparkles AND super heroes, Lego, fart jokes and science. She’s nagging me to sign her up for karate lessons and wants to be a volcanologist when she grows up. So the “pink princess crap” doesn’t bother me because it’s just one facet of her complex and unique personality.

We didn't know the sex of our son until he was born. Both DH and I have said on reflection how we are glad he is a boy. I wouldn't know what to do with a girl

I had a little boy in February and I get this from my friend who had a girl in July. When I hold her little girl "oh I bet you wish you had a girl" and "boys clothes are so boring" actually no I didn't give a crap I just wanted a baby

I do have one of each but my son is such a lovely, sweet boy. I would have been just as happy to have 2 boys.

To be honest, before I had kids I pictured myself with one, rather bookish tomboy girl (think Jo March or Jo Bettany). Then I has DS and I was perfectly and utterly content and didn't feel any need for any mor kids at all.

Anyhow, I have ended up with four, two boys and two girls, and fondly imagine that I have won life's jackpot and everyone else is incredibly envious of me, when of course in reality, most people would hate to have four.

I never got my bookish tomboy though: my bookish one is very, very girly and my tomboy has only ever read Harry Potter (about a thousand times).

I’ve has it the other way round. I have a beautiful, funny daughter & quite a few times have had ‘wouldn’t you of liked a boy first?’ ‘Boys are more into their mummy’s’ & an all time favourite just last week... ‘sorry, but boys are just better! No offence! )

You get a few dicks on both sides of the fence, but in reality the majority of us love our kids unconditionally & wouldn’t change a single thing about them. Including their bloody genitals.

I would love another son if I'm honest! If I were to have a girl I would still be happy. And if we can't conceive well, c'est la vie. I am incredibly lucky to have my son. Your friend is a massive twat.

I have one DS who is an only. I have luckily never experienced negative comments. Both his grandmas adored him. I genuinely had no preference on sex before he arrived. Once he was here I couldn’t take my eyes off him and never once for a second wished he were a girl!

He is 12 now and is awesome. I love him to bits. He is great company and still not to big for a cuddle , ‘though they are getting less since he stared secondary. I am reliably informed that he will come out the other side 😊

I would have had another but it wasn’t to be. If I had done I would have had a slight preference for another boy but been delighted with either. It wasn’t meant to be and am now 46 and on the pill to help with hideous periods - that and being single means no more for me. I am genuinely fine with it. Once I had decided to stop trying that was that. I feel incredibly lucky to have my son.

I can understand people who have a preference but I struggle to understand the levels of disappointment they can feel if they don't get what they want. I also don’t get why they think their way is the only way! It is fine to want something for yourself (although not to the point that you are disappointed with your baby). But, why do people think we all want the same thing?!

Feeling sorry for someone because they don’t want what you want/have is bonkers if they are perfectly happy!!!

I just wanted a healthy baby with my fiancée whom I love. Didn’t mind if I had a girl or boy first as we both want two kids. Now I have my beautiful, smart and funny toddler I can’t wait to do it all again and have another little person to love.

@Bumpitybumper there are negative stereotypes for both genders that I have no doubt society will attempt to enforce on my children. I’m not denying that though I wish I could. But by saying you have a preference before birth you are supporting and entrenching those stereotypes. When people say they have a preference it so often seems bound up with gender norms which are so restrictive to young people e.g. I want to go shopping with my daughter or play football with my son. I hope my children will share my interests too but I don’t see what their sex has to do with it. I will add in my experience the mother son relationships I am aware off are as close as the mother daughter ones but I am aware that’s anecdotal.

YANBU

I have one little boy and to me, that's perfect. I won't be having any more children and my boy is my absolute world.

I never had a preference when pregnant as to whether I had a boy or girl. He's 5 now and when I see little girls, I don't think 'oh I'd really like a girl'. That's not to say I have anything against girls because I don't but I am very happy with my boy. Had he been a girl, I'm sure I would have been equally happy.

At the end of the day, children are children and you can't choose what you have!

@ Mrsfrumble I assume that was directed at me? My oldest likes pink he’s allowed to wear it. I just really dislike pink and frilly, so i’m Quite glad I don’t have to deal with it to an extreme extent. I would have dealt fine with a girl liking it, but as far as my gender preference is, that’s it. I don’t like pink. Not really a deep preference, more convenience.

She sounds weird tbh! Mum of two boys here and seriously totally happy with that and not bothered that there's no girl!

Conversely, I've 2 girls and wouldn't have cared which sex I was blessed with. My concern was that my babies were healthy not their gender. She's a twat.

And as soon as DD2 was born, I was asked if we were trying for a boy. Um no, it took me 13 years to have my 2nd child, I'm happy with my lot!

Mouse I understand what you are saying but at some point stereotypes become statistics.

And biological sex obviously makes a difference to biology.

So if you want to be able to help a child through pregnancy, you want a daughter.

Obviously your daughter may not get pregnant, but you know definitely your son won’t.

If you want a child to be over 6 foot (not sure why, but you might) this would be statistically more likely with a son.

And then, as bumpity says, there are societal differences. Those are more stereotypes, but you have to acknowledge you will need to either battle them, or let them do the work for you, if you have a strong preference for something.

Whether you should have that preference about an independent human being is another matter, clearly.

I've got both but more boys than girls. This is a load of nonsense. All my boys are different too as it happens. Because they are all individuals.

Very rude thing to say or imply.

Although it does seem that many people - women especially - seem to want a daughter. Not exactly sure why. Different reasons for different women I guess. I know loads of people who don't dislike boys, and are happy with having sons, as long as they have at least one daughter.

There's just something about having a daughter that you simply don't get with boys. It's hard to put into words. Some people I know who have boys only, say they feel the people they know with daughters, are closer to them than they are to their sons. Also, the children that their sons have with their wives, are closer to the maternal grandparents.

And there is sometimes a clash between women of sons, and their daughter-in-laws, and the sons always stick up for the wives. I know several women with sons who have virtually non existent relationships with their son(s) because of conflict with the DIL, and also, they never see the grandkids.

I don't know a single woman with daughters who have this same thing going on. I am not saying it never happens, just that I have rarely seen it - if ever.

Oddly, many years ago, (pre 1980's) many mothers seemed to be desperate for a boy, and boys were revered and preferred. I think many a woman over 45/50 can tell a tale of how their mother preferred their brother(s) and their aunts preferred their male cousins to their female ones...

But things seem to have shifted this past quarter century or so, and women seem to largely want at least one girl (in the western world anyway.) Maybe the mother preferring their brother when they were kids is another reason they desire a daughter - to try and create the mother-daughter relationship she never had with her mother.

I do still think what the woman in the OP said is very rude, but she is right; many women do seem to want a girl. I think some men want a daughter too, but don't mind a son so much ... I know many men with all girls, who are as happy as a pig in muck with their daughters.

Finally, I find mothers with one son only - when he is the only child - are perfectly content and happy with their one boy. They are also positive about girls/other peoples daughters... However, some women with 2 or more boys seem quite snide and bitchy about girls, and are very vocal about how they would never want one.

It's either because they wanted a girl, and it's a defence mechanism, or they are sick of people titling their head and pitying them for having all boys, when people with all girls get told how lucky they are...

Not ALL women with 'boys only' are like this, but I have encountered quite a few. Yet I have never experienced mothers with all girls behaving like this.

Without a shadow of a doubt though, many people want a daughter. More so than a son. If they could have only one child, I genuinely believe the vast majority of people - especially women would pick a daughter.

JMHO.