Not everyone feels sorry for Mums of just boys or only children

[AlwaysFuckingTired]

Speaking to an acquaintance who mentioned feeling sorry for two of the women she works with in her office. One a Mum of 2 boys, and the other a Mum of one. Apparently she feels awkward as she thinks they're both jealous of her as she's a Mum of both sexes. I asked why she thought that, and she said "oh all women want a Daughter don't they? and everyone wants more than one" I said I've known lots of people happy with an only child or all boys, and she pulled an odd face as if she didn't believe me and said "well that's what people say"

AIBU to think she's a bit of a knob?

Well she's an idiot.

But then so is every poster whose come on to this thread to say how terrible it would have been for them to be a mother to girls because they don't like pink/frills/wouldn't know what to do with one/blah blah blah.

FWIW, I have one of each.

This is true DontMakeMe

As the mother of a male only child — the horror, the horror — , I’ve actually met this a fair bit. Generally from not terribly bright women without the experience or imagination to recognise that their prejudices aren’t universal.

I mean, I’ve got no issue with other people wanting multiple children and preferring girls over boys, but don’t foist your dreary ideas about ‘girlie days’ and shopping and ‘a son is a son until he takes a wife’ on me. And don’t assume that I secretly agree with you that my life and my beloved little boy are sub-standard, but am putting a brave face on it.

I cried with relief when they told me ds2 was a boy, and I knew I was having no more. No desire for a girl whatsoever.

I cried with relief when they told me ds2 was a boy, and I knew I was having no more. No desire for a girl whatsoever.

This is just as weird as the sentiments described in the OP

I've heard people say the same thing if you only have girls though-especially men who feel sorry for other men if they don't get that much sought after son.

Wtf. I have two boys and was delighted when I found out I was having a second boy. We are stopping at two and I have no regrets that ds2 isn't a girl. I'm certainly not jealous of people who have girls. Love my boys so much 😊

The best thing to do is take no notice of people like that.

And please don't use this post as a way to list all the faults of having a girl.
I have a daughter and she's awesome so we don't need to Slag of one gender to make the other look better.

I am a mother to one DD, I don't feel jealous about Mums of boys or Mums with more children.
Ridiculous.

Of course I don’t look at a baby and see a predator, that would be silly.

But my nearly teen Ds is stronger than I am, has adhd and suspected asd, and gets more violent than I like. We are getting help from CAHMS.

And if I had a daughter with all of those issues, at least she is unlikely to get significantly stronger than me.

As I said before, sorry. Massive derail. Might ask MN to delete my posts. and name change!

It's funny reading this thread as there quite a few posters keen to emphasise how they always wanted boys and are so lucky to have them. I understand the point that boys are not some consolation prize and are actively preferred in some cases, however I do subsequently find it a bit odd that when a poster dares to mention that she had/has the opposite preference and she is told that sex doesn't matter and having a preference is wrong.

Personally I think there is nothing wrong with having preferences and I think it's pretty normal to have one, whether it be about sex of your children or the number of children you wish to have. As we obviously can't control if we have a boy or girl or potentially even how many children we end up with, I think the key thing is that we aren't too disappointed if we don't get our preferences and are able to enjoy the familes we do have. I also think it's strange to assume that we all share the same preferences and that one family setup represents everyone's ideal. It just doesn't work that way!

Finally I think those who are insinuating on this thread that sex of the child doesn't matter are being a bit disingenuous. If you have a boy the chances are your experience of raising them and your relationship with them particularly as teens and adults will be different to if you have had a girl. This isn't necessarily a bad thing and of course individuals are all different so you may well have a boy that one of the many exceptions to the rule, but generally men do have different relationships with their mothers and it's a different dynamic when they get married and have children. I think acknowledging this is controversial but also important in understanding why some mothers do have such a strong preference for girls (including myself at one time) and why some have a preference for boys.

Add message | Report | Message poster CandyCreeper Sat 24-Nov-18 17:49:29
maybe its just me but i wouldnt want only boys i would be sad never having a daughter so i cant help but feel sorry for others

You can piss off with your sadness. We arre privileged and happy that we had two healthy children. They happen to be males but you can shove your sadness!

Jesus!

I have 4 DC, two sons followed by two daughters. When DS2 was a newborn, a man on a train said to me 'oh never mind, maybe you'll get your girl next time' - I was gobsmacked because it never occurred to me that anything other than a healthy child was a requirement. Then went I went on to have DD1, I got a few more comments along the lines of 'oh, your family's complete now you've got your daughter.' When I was pregnant with my 4th and final child, someone said 'let's hope it's another girl so you have 2 of each.' Yes, I do have 2 of each, but for fuck's sake, I would have loved my children just the same if they'd been all boys or all girls.

I always hope people who want a child of a particular sex get one who bucks their gender expectations, turns out to be a massive goth etc.

Such arseholery.

Thanks Bumpity. That is what I think but I got a bit dramatic in saying it. I think as children they are pretty similar, but knowing, for example, that I will never be fortunate enough to help a daughter through pregnancy and breastfeeding, or have an adult mother-daughter relationship is, not sad exactly, but something you have to accept straight away.

In my experience people are overjoyed with whatever they have. I have a friend with 2 girls- couldn't be happier. I also have a friend with 2 boys- same. If it had been swapped I'm sure they'd also feel the same. And if they had one one each. I don't think either friend would want anyone's pity as they think they have the perfect families. And they're right!

But my nearly teen Ds is stronger than I am, has adhd and suspected asd, and gets more violent than I like. We are getting help from CAHMS

And if I had a daughter with all of those issues, at least she is unlikely to get significantly stronger than me

I understand what you are saying but I don't think having girls with mental health issues is any easier. In my expierences it is a whole different set of issues ( in general) that many parents have found extremely difficult to cope with emotionally ( more likely to self harm , CSE, and grooming , MFH etc)
I am glad that you are getting support from CAHMS.

It is very difficult in my area for kids to get seen, the waiting list is so large .

I've got a girl.and boy. I feel lucky - because they are amazing chidren, their sex doesn't come in to it. I genuinely didn't know this was a thing. YANBU

Urgh, she's a nob. Unfortunately I don't think she's alone in it though, I thought we were sticking with our only (boy) but then decided to have another a few years later, everyone suddenly voiced how relieved they were we weren't sticking at one and automatically assumed we'd be wanting a girl second time around. I honestly just wanted a healthy baby, and was thrilled when I found out we were having another boy - I was thinking more along the lines of hand me down clothes from big bro etc than anything else! It's a ridiculous assumption to say that people with just one or just boys will feel the loss.

I feel really sad saying this but actually now I think about it more, in brutal honesty I'm glad I don't have to explain to a daughter how shitty a stick women all around the world have been/are given. It's still a bloody mysogynistic world, I honestly don't know how I would go about raising a daughter through that, it's hard enough trying to guide my sons to be decent, compassionate people in this cesspit of current affairs.

I am not being disingenuous. The sex of your children does not matter unless you plan to treat your children differently as a result. I am really confused by anyone who thinks girls or boys are one homogeneous mass that behave in a certain way. I mean, have you met people other than yourself? I am a woman and do not find myself identical in personality and behaviour to every other woman on the planet, do you?

I am the mother of one male child. I would find anyone’s pity a disrespectful and ignorant attitude. My DS is a wonderful man and has always made me proud. I don’t need or want another child.

When we found out our second child was a boy after our first had been a girl, people kept saying how perfect it was! That we wouldn't need anymore now we had the full set, as of we were collecting them like bloody LOL dolls.

I think it's strange to have a preference for no other reason than stereotypes.
If I'd had a really strong preference then I wouldn't have had children.
I have a daughter and three boys, my daughter is 18 and often not with us when we're out as a family. I've had some bizarre comments from women who think I 'just' have three boys.
So far I've not found raising my sons much different to raising my daughter, aside from periods. It's their personalities make them different and that make the differences.