Not everyone feels sorry for Mums of just boys or only children

[AlwaysFuckingTired]

Speaking to an acquaintance who mentioned feeling sorry for two of the women she works with in her office. One a Mum of 2 boys, and the other a Mum of one. Apparently she feels awkward as she thinks they're both jealous of her as she's a Mum of both sexes. I asked why she thought that, and she said "oh all women want a Daughter don't they? and everyone wants more than one" I said I've known lots of people happy with an only child or all boys, and she pulled an odd face as if she didn't believe me and said "well that's what people say"

AIBU to think she's a bit of a knob?

She's bonkers! Very happy with 2 DS :)

Everyone is different I'd love all girls, wouldn't be disappointed with a boy but just used to girls... my friend would hate to have a girl!!

YADNBU she's assuming people are sad because they don't have what she wants. I would be mildly affronted if I discovered someone in my life felt sympathy for me because I have one boy. I am delirious with my lot and I'd feel it devalued that in others' eyes if they thought I must be dissapointed! I suppose that shouldn't matter but I would definitely feel irritated that someone felt that way about my wonderful son!

On threads like this the majority view is always ‘how mad, boys and girls are equally lovely’.

But actually, statistically, as the feminism chat threads constantly remind us, men are overwhelmingly more likely to commit certain crimes. So actually, not equally lovely. I would imagine my chance of being murdered by one of my children is significantly higher having 3 boys than 3 girls.

I do worry. And I know if I had girls I would worry about different things. But somehow, as a parent, I would feel much guiltier having a son who was a criminal than a daughter who was a victim, even though the pain of having a child who was a victim is probably worse.

Just rambling, sorry.

I was out with the mothers of my son's school friends the other night, 3 of us have 2/3 boys, and the other 5 have a boy and a girl. All the mums of girls were complaining about their daughters, for different reasons, but the boys not so much

I have one of each. I wouldn't have minded in the slightest if I had two girls or two boys. Healthy babies - that's what I wanted.

No opinions on numbers. I would just say the only children among my friends seem to be outgoing, friendly and engaging and perfectly happy

We’ve had three ds’s, all young adults now.

We’ve never hoped for anything other than a baby all well at birth , gender was irrelevant.

That woman has a strange view on such things.

I have two boys and I can’t imagine having a girl. Wouldn’t know what to do with one. Having a boys just felt ‘right’ to me and I definitely feel I was meant to have boys. No desire for a girl at all. What a strange thing for that acquaintance to say! I always assumed there would be as many who wanted boys/girls as there were variations of people who want one/two/five/none etc

I find all this very odd. Before I had children I can hand on heart say I didn't mind whatever sex we got, we knew we wanted 3 but boys/girls we didn't mind. When I had a girl and then a boy I had a lot of "oh perfect one of each" comments, I always replied well 2 girls would have been equally perfect to us. So now we have 1 of each everyone assumes we are done. Only last week our neighbour was chatting to me and said "it must be great now you've done (having kids) and can focus on your career again" I smiled at her and said "yeah".

I guess a lot of people make these assumptions, some of it is probably just making chit chat, like when strangers in the street say these things.

Gently - are you okay?

Opinions like this make me nervous. I have a lovely DS and are ttc dc2 and think I would be very upset/angry if anyone said this to me if I got pregnant. Although I certainly wouldn't be disappointed if I had a girl it would make me nervous as I had a dreadful relationship with my awful mother and would be terrified of repeating the pattern, so I would feel safer having another Son. It makes me sad that people have opinions such as this without any regard to peoples personal circumstances

I find the whole “I wouldn’t know what to do with a girl/boy” trope really weird. How about feed them, clothe them, love them? Not massively complicated is it?

I am the opposite. I wanted (and got) a boy.
When I am told someone has had a baby girl I automatically think “oh, hope she’s not disappointed it isn’t a boy”. I never say it but think it is odd that I think like that.

I’m fine, thanks. And I love my sons very much. But for example last night I was driving home and there were a group of children riding bikes on the road. No lights, generally being idiots. About 13 yrs old. And guess what? All boys.

I know society training girls to be nice is sometimes not great for them. But I do think it is a bit nicer for their parents!

Yeah she's a dick - I've got two boys and have absolutely no desire for any more children of either sex and would not have wished for a girl instead of either of them. I think you get a certain type of person who is utterly convinced that the world is jealous of their house / kids / husband / holidays (delete as necessary) but in reality no one gives a shit

I feel sorry for any mother who isn't the mother to my son cos he is awesome

Like many pp we have one son. He is fabulous. We make Lego guns and tanks, we draw police cars and make trains stations out of cardboard boxes, we hablve dance-offs and we do crafts. He is very excited as tomorrow we're making Christmas cards and he loves doing them, has been nagging forvdays!

An aquaintance had 2 boys and was pregnant again, about 8 months. I asked if she knew the sex and rather warily she said 'boy', i commented 'oh a clan of boys, how delightful' and she burst into tears as no one had said anything remotely positive her entire pregnancy.

I don't have the best relationship with my mother or sister, so i didn't have a longing for a girl. I'd have been happy with either. I have sewn some lovely clothes and accessories for DS and a wardrobe for his favourite bear, including a Biggles outfit DS is 7yo and i have just finished making him some funky house trousers out of a fleece jacket that DH no longer wears, they'll keep him lovely and toasty in winter and have a holster for his nerf gun

I just have one son. Perfectly happy with that and wouldn’t change it for anything

As Potterpotty mentioned it’s true the other way too. I have two DDs and am very happy- it’s what I wanted and what I got- but people are always asking if we were disappointed that DD2 wasn’t a boy and my husband gets “oh but you must want a son!” All the time and he takes great offence, it’s like saying his girls aren’t good enough.

Whichever way around it happens it’s insulting.

Gently that is a horrific post

I am fairly forgiving in the concept of gender disappointment but I confess I was lucky , I wanted two boys and got two boys , of course it wouldn't have mattered if either had been female but I'm happy with my boys and honestly it suits me better

But are actually delusional enough to believe you are at a higher risk of being killed by your child because he's male? What in actual fuck is wrong with you?

Attitudes like that make me terrified for my children it makes my blood run cold

When my ds2 at 3 snuggles under my arm and starts snoozing ...i see a child, sweet innocent

You see a predator? Get help ... seriously

I have one of each and was never bothered about which sex my babies were. I totally don't think like the woman in the OP but so so many people comment on it, "you're so lucky", "well done", "perfect" etc. Weird!
Yes, this. DD is still young enough that her sex isn't obvious so when people say, "Oh is that two boys" and I say it's a boy and a girl they always say something along these lines. Like it's some kind of achievement.

A second DS would have been brilliant. DD is brilliant. People are weird.

Your son isn’t called Norman is he Gently?

Didn't realise I had to fear being murdered by one of my sons. Will add that to my list of ways I could possibly die.

That must be a fun page in the bullet journal Lemony. Little skulls and crossbones as bullet points.

She’s insecure and a twat, frankly.
How breathtakingly arrogant to assume that everyone wants what she’s got.

Yeah I've got boys. Nobody has ever suggested that I'm worse off. In fact, they've only said I'm lucky because girls are harder work, being naturally "little bitches" whereas with boys, "all" you have to do is do everything for them because all males are entirely useless and always will be

After what I said in return, these people don't tend to talk to me in the playground any more. I'm perfectly happy with that arrangement.