Not everyone feels sorry for Mums of just boys or only children

[AlwaysFuckingTired]

Speaking to an acquaintance who mentioned feeling sorry for two of the women she works with in her office. One a Mum of 2 boys, and the other a Mum of one. Apparently she feels awkward as she thinks they're both jealous of her as she's a Mum of both sexes. I asked why she thought that, and she said "oh all women want a Daughter don't they? and everyone wants more than one" I said I've known lots of people happy with an only child or all boys, and she pulled an odd face as if she didn't believe me and said "well that's what people say"

AIBU to think she's a bit of a knob?

as long as the babies are healthy i dont feel it matters too much what gender they are i have 1 son and 2 daughters and 2 grandaughters i love them all equally .

You’re totally right - she is a knob. I’ve got 3 boys and couldn’t be happier!! Having been through fertility treatment I was so delighted to have them and wasn’t fussed about having a girl.

I have one. I'd have loved more. I hate people like that.

Some men feel the same way about having a son.
Thats very true. My dp would love a son and does have days of feeling like he missing out. Dont mean he dont love dd any less or treat her different but if i said today we could try for a boy he would cry i dare say.
but as i said above im one and done so thats that.

She IBU. I am very happy with my one male child.
But I've lost count of people who have asked when the next one is being planned, and then telling me I'm selfish for not giving him a sibling

You ANBU, i run a mile from types like this - it genuinely surprises them that not everyone thinks the same as they do. Its very juvenile, most people outgrow this type of thinking in adulthood and realise we don't all want the same thing.
She's created a little drama in her head, elevating herself above the other women by imagining she has something they want. The reality is, they probably don't think about her atall let alone give a monkeys what she thinks.
She sounds like an idiot.

I have two sons and chuffed that I didn't have daughters especially as I remember what I was like! I hate this suggestion that girls are better. Disgusting. Why want one of each? It only pleases the parents as the kids will probably have little in common as adults. I can't stand my brother!

Don't know why people feel they have to comment at all or thrust their opinions on anyone. Everyone has a different idea of what constitutes their ideal family. People kept asking why I was having another when I was pregnant with DD2 as already had one of each so why would I go for the third?

Truth be told both ex h and I came from what would be considered big families these days, he one of five and I one of four. Somehow two didn't feel like a full family to us.

A big part of me would have loved to have continued and had four or five but realised that we'd already added to the population by having three, so not just replacing ourselves as it were.

I'm jolly grateful to parents of singletons, makes me feel less guilty!

I hate this suggestion that girls are better. Disgusting.

But aren't you implying that boys are better?

It's not football, you don't need to pick a team and boo the opposition.

I have 2 sons and wouldn’t change it for the world!

It is often easier having two of the same sex. Passing on clothing and later they often like similar hobbies and play well together and can share a room too. I have 1 dd and 2ds and would not have minded 3ds.

Just thought I have 4 sisters and no brothers. I am close to all of my sisters and we all agree if there had been one boy he would have been spoiled.

I don't understand everyone's obsession with sex. My parents were the opposite and were overly delighted I had a boy to the point it annoyed me as my poor nieces were made to feel less special. Plus my sister and I felt like shit as we weren't the sons they wanted. I love my little boy so much and would never change him but the obsession and attitudes with gender has been an issue in my family. It's ridiculous.

I have one of each and when my daughter was born someone said “ah now you have the perfect family” - I just smiled at them but in my head I was thinking what a weird thing to say! As if two of one sex was less perfect???

I also find the implication that ALL only children are lonely, self obsessed and selfish really offensive. Some are some aren’t - just like some people with siblings are. Also the assumption that having one child was not a choice made by the parents but an unfortunate circumstance to be pitied.

@clueing4looks

Why is it ‘mumsnet’ acceptable to say you’d never want a daughter, but frowned upon to say you’d never want a son?

Bunch of hypocrites on this thread.

I have noticed that all the way through this thread. Terrible double standards!

People who have daughters are not saying much except they are happy with their girls/pleased they had girls. Very little said about boys - other than they have never wanted them.

Some of the posters here who have boys, seem desperate to tell everyone how wonderful their sons are, how much better they are than daughters, how girls are spiteful and bitchy and 'hard work,' how boys are 'more loving,' how they simply couldn't bear to have to buy pink stuff and dresses, and how they 'wouldn't know what to do with a girl!' (WTF?) and all manner of girl bashing and vitriol against daughters.

It couldn't be more screamingly obvious that they are in denial, and bitter to the extreme, at not having a daughter. I am actually embarrassed for them.

Not ALL posters (and people in real life) who have only boys are bitter and jealous and desperate for a daughter, but the ones who are spiteful and vitriolic about girls sure are! As I said, it couldn't be more obvious. Some of the things some posters have said on here about girls are vile.

And funnily enough, I see that in real life too - some women who have just sons, being nasty about girls. But women with just daughters, are not nasty about boys.

As I said earlier in the thread though, I have not met a woman in the last 30 years who was disappointed at having multiple daughters.

I have met plenty who were disappointed at having multiple sons though. Judging by the vitriol and spite on here towards girls, there are a few of them on here!

Again, not ALL women with boys are desperate for a girl, but you can sure tell the ones who are.

As has been pointed out throughout this thread, when there is gender disappointment, it's ALWAYS when it's a boy due, never when it's a girl. Daughters are definitely more desired by many people.

I don't care if anything I have said sounds mean or catty; some people have been so horrible and spiteful about daughters on this thread, so have some back.

The only reason to have a sex preference is if you carry a sex-linked disease.

Everything else is bollocks gender stereotyping.

Winter, you’re obsessed with girls being the One True Child. Do you honestly believe most women aren’t happy unless they have a daughter? Because that’s how your posts come across.

Are you okay?

Not RTFT but I think it depends on your perspective. I’d feel sorry for a mother of boys purely because I only ever wanted one girl which is what I got. However I’m sure mothers of boys would tell me that they do not want my sympathy as they are very happy with their sons. Some of my friends with only boys have said they’d have loved a girl. Have heard the term SMOGS bandied about.
Equally I’m sure people feel sorry for me with my one child but I chose to have one and have never regretted my choice. I have no problem with anyone feeling sorry for me however, as it doesn’t affect me.

I have both. Young adults now. Trust me, dd are MUCH more difficult in teens. I have asked mothers with ds only and one ds or five, they have NO idea what dd's are like.

DD is lovely, smart and kind but a bigger pain in the butt never existed. She is only person who could make me so angry that I could not think of any words to say.

@WinterfellWench you’ve made yourself sound a bit silly. However go to lots of places outside the UK (with far bigger populations than ours) and certain sections of the middle and upper classes in the UK and you will see that’s genuinely how people feel about daughters, and those are the kinds of attitudes you talk about are the norm. It’s not bitterness or sour grapes, boys are genuinely preferred or even prized.

For reference I think it’s all a bit odd either way and couldn’t have given a shiney shite, I’m just happy to be Mum .

One dd here. Love her loads and i would be the same if she’d been a boy. But yes, so many questions over the years about why I didn’t “give her a sibling”. I couldn’t have any more physically, that’s why but I hate going into that so I usually pretend it was by choice.

Dh’s brothers and sisters all had daughters. One of those daughters had a boy last year and it’s like the second coming! You’d think he was destined for the throne. He is worshipped. God knows what kind of ego he’ll end up with.

@notthegreenduck agree re only children, my DH and his father are only children and they’re both two of the loveliest, selfless and kindest people you could ever meet, real gems. I’m one of three and we are all/were absolute brats you could definitely use selfish and self absorbed. Think Me and my second youngest bro have come out the other side now (I think our respective partners and becoming parents ourselves have made us better people) my youngest brother is still an entitled shit when he wants to be though!!!!

I have not met a woman in the last 30 years who was disappointed at having multiple daughters. I have met plenty who were disappointed at having multiple sons though

All these many many women with multiple sons confiding in you how disappointed they are.

I have one boy and couldn’t be happier!