Not everyone feels sorry for Mums of just boys or only children

[AlwaysFuckingTired]

Speaking to an acquaintance who mentioned feeling sorry for two of the women she works with in her office. One a Mum of 2 boys, and the other a Mum of one. Apparently she feels awkward as she thinks they're both jealous of her as she's a Mum of both sexes. I asked why she thought that, and she said "oh all women want a Daughter don't they? and everyone wants more than one" I said I've known lots of people happy with an only child or all boys, and she pulled an odd face as if she didn't believe me and said "well that's what people say"

AIBU to think she's a bit of a knob?

I have one of each but I don't think it's a good or bad thing in itself. Just what it is.

People probably all have their views about what they would like to have or what is the "best" combo. But in the end you just love the children you have and can't imagine any others.

Just as weird to say the opposite "I only want boys "

Having suffered from infertility for 10 yrs I couldn't give a damn if I had a son or daughter, my only concern was having a healthy baby.

This. I had a miscarriage and was told due to age I would need help conceiving. Luckily I fell pregnant naturally and DD arrived when I was nearly 41. And everyday I am grateful.

It's utterly alien to me to see people talk about children and their biological sex , as if they're picking up an item from Amazon. "I wanted the girl but she was out of stock, so had to have a boy." How awful to think your child is a disappointment simply for their sex. That type of thinking is poisonous.

My colleague is like this. Pregnant second time, has a son and desperate for a girl. Said she'll try again if she doesn't have a girl this time. I think she's nuts. Be grateful if you have a healthy child you entitled asshole, I want to scream.

Meh. Kids. They all need feeding, clothing and picking up at midnight because they've lost their taxi money.

User...that's horrible! YOU are bizarre! Ugh!

Why horrible? I know myself, family history, relationship with my own parents, my current relationship and factoring all that I was worried I would have been an awful mother to daughters. Maybe unfounded but it's something I was anxious about.

I am very very relieved that I don’t have a daughter. I always wanted two children but would have been perfectly happy with just one.

I remember been in labour with my second son and the nurse asked me did I know what I was having. When I said it was another boy she turned around and said 'ahhh never mind '. Some People are funny and not in the good way.

Although many people seem to want a daughter, I do know a few people who wanted a boy, and one couple who couldn't conceive adopted a boy. In addition, I know many people who love their boys as much as their girls. (And people who do love their boys if they only have boys...) And the case of the woman I knew was an extreme one. She was a spoilt brat as a child anyway, who threw her toys out of the pram when she never got her own way, and as an adult, she was no different.

But even though sons are loved, and many people are (quite rightly) happy with their boys, I don't think anyone can deny that lots of people desire a girl. Not that they don't want a boy at ALL, they just want that one daughter. Even if they have they have 5 kids, and 4 are boys, they just want that one daughter. They won't love their boys any less, but there is a deep desire for a daughter for many women (and some men.)

As has been mentioned on here, whenever there is gender disappointment on threads on here (or on other forums,) or in real life, it's NEVER when it's a girl. People (usually women) are usually pleased if it's a girl. I have seen people cry at yet another boy, but never if it's another girl.

As I said earlier though, some 40+ years back, boys seemed to be preferred to girls, and I know many a woman of 45-50 (and older) now, who can tell a tale of how their mother preferred their brother. Boys were definitely favoured then. For some reason, this past 2 or 3 decades or so, it's turned around, and the desire now, is often for a daughter.

I am not saying either one is better, but it's definitely true that daughters have been more desired for the past quarter century or more.... but most women. Maybe it's because - as I said earlier - they had a mother who favoured their brother(s,) and they wanted to create a special mother-daughter bond that they never had.

As a few people have said, I see some posters here getting arsey because people prefer girls, (and are giving reasons for wanting daughters,) and then in the next breath, they are saying they only wanted boys, and girls are awful, they're hard work, they're glad they didn't have one yada yada...

Disingenuous much?

I really really do not get this. On mumsnet there seems to be some strange anti boy thing on gender disappointment at 20 week scans. I have a son and a daughter. I admit it I had a slight excitement at the idea of a son when pregnant with my first - who was a son and when pregnant with my daughter I genuinely didn't mind. Genuinely. Yes I was suprised and felt lucky to have the experience of a son and daughter of course but I can't imagine being horrified at the thought of having all boys. What is that all about!? My daughter loves creepy crawlies, spiders, muck, is a dare devil and adores her dad over me! I love her personality. Love it! I don't want her (and never idealised her to be) my pink fluffy girly shopping trip buddy. I hate all that crap.

In the second from last paragraph, it should say......

I am not saying either one is better, but it's definitely true that daughters have been more desired for the past quarter century or more.. BY most women (not but most women!!)

Winterfell, I’m finding your posts bizarre. You post like it’s somehow harder to love a son. It’s decidedly odd.

Never mind the acquaintance of the OP, there really is some utter shit being spouted on this thread.

'Crying with relief' when having a DS2?! 😂

The lady doth protest too much, methinks...

I find the whole “I wouldn’t know what to do with a girl/boy” trope really weird. How about feed them, clothe them, love them? Not massively complicated is it?

Exactly.

My MIL is another who has a clear preference for SIL over DH and BIL.
I announced my pregnancy with DC2, after 4years TTC, MIL immediately said I hope it's a girl. WTF!

I didn't find out at the scan but thought it was a girl just because I had a different pregnancy from DS. However DS2 arrived a little quicker than expected, I had an initial shock it was a boy, but by the time he was in my arms all I could think is OMG you're here, you're alive, you're perfect, my family is complete, Were the fuck is your Dad? I phoned his Dad who never even thought to ask what it was!

Ultimately I can understand people having preferences but people need to be more careful in what they say to whom. Few know what private pain other people have been thought MC, still birth, infertility, all things that are kept private.

I have one of each and another on the way but I can't believe that people would ever think this way!! I have never wanted a particular gender for my kids while pregnant, such a weird thing to do. I cannot understand why people would want one over the other?!

I cannot understand why people would want one over the other?!

What do you find difficult to understand about this?

If, for example, someone only had siblings of one gender or another, I assume they might feel they would 'connect' and relate to offspring of the same gender?

Many parents (of both sexes) harbour dreams of having a family and often when they do so, they imagine themselves having one or the other. I know both men and women who can't imagine themselves with a gender different to the one their own child has. It isn't to say that they wouldn't love and cherish whatever gender they had, just that they had a preference or imagined themselves with one more than the other. I certainly did.

Yanbu.

I had never encountered this until I had my DD after having DS. We got lots of congratulations cards saying how well we'd done on having "a Kings family". I had never heard the term before and think it's bizarre.

I have a DS and hoping for another soon, secretly hoping for another DS

I must admit I feel I have hit the jackpot having 2 girls. I don't think girls are superior but I think my own family history shaped my wishes and wants. My nan had 3 boys and was very vocal about having wanted a daughter, she idolised me as a result and her hankering kind of passed on. My other nan is estranged from her son. And since marrying my brothers have moved away and little meaningful contact with my mum. Oh and I am managing to raise 2 small girls without a pink ruffle in sight.

Currently TTC DC2, already have a DS. I sometimes think that having an opposite-gender sibling is probably easier on the children themselves - less scope for comparison, less interest in each other’s stuff, and hopefully less sibling squabbling. Plus I think it’s good for kids to live in close proximity to children of the opposite gender, helps to demystify during their teens.

But in terms of what I’d prefer myself, I’d be just as happy with two boys as I would with a boy and a girl. I really would not have wanted two girls because I really wanted the experience of parenting a boy, but luckily I already have DS so that is no longer an issue.

People who worry about sons abandoning them for their wife’s parents, do they never think that it might be their parenting and not the fact that their children have penises? My sister is married to a man who is one of 4 boys, his parents are hugely involved in the lives of all the children and GC and they are a lovely close family. My own MIL is gone sadly but I have no doubt whatsoever she’d have adored and been as close to her sons’ children as she was her daughters’. Stereotypes are just that. Maybe if people stop buying into them and seeing children as individuals instead of being shaped by their genitals things might be different.

YANBU, she is a knob. I have one, and only ever wanted to have one. People who feel others are jealous of them have too high an opinion of themselves.

I have one boy which suits me perfectly. I was never a girly girl and am not sure I’d be good as the mum of one.
Your friend seems to think everyone must be the same as her. Very odd.

One sex or another, not gender?..not sure why that keeps coming up. Sex of child: boy or girl, male or female

I have one of each and regularly get told that that's it, my family is done now and I can how lovely to have one of each
I was happy with whatever we had and we may still have more children.

I have two DS. I wanted boys. I'm now surrounded by boys, DH, a step son, 2 DS and my slightly potty father. Wouldn't have it any other way. I was an only child and had a very close relationship with my mum. For whatever reason I didn't think that having a girl was an opportunity to recreate that. I had that and didn't feel there was a gap or void in my life. Besides I liked stereotypical boys activities and genuinely feel I'd be disengaged and lacking as a mother to girls. I couldn't understand my own female friends throughout school and shyed away from the politics of envy, the discussions centred around other girls, I didn't understand the covert rules of how to behave in a group of girls. I didn't share the same preoccupations.

I now work with looked after children, boys and girls. Despite the fact they share similar early life experiences, the presenting difficulties are different with girls. Their behaviours are much more difficult to manage, usually clearly targeted to hurt individuals, despite the common preconception that girls introvert their anger and boys extrovert theirs. The level of manipulative behaviour is much higher. Attention seeking much more obvious. I now think this is linked to how women seek out emotional support because we are somehow socialised to see this as a goal, and that boys rarely seek emotional support. Both genders display challenging behaviours but the boys I work with do not seem to be motivated to hurt other individuals or to be behaving in dangerous or challenging ways to gain emotional support. The boys do not seek approval either. It's most often though the boys who display empathy. This of course doesn't fit with popular opinion and preconceived ideas around gender.

Then I look at my own two DS and see very rational, quiet, centred and emotionally very stable people. But this worries me slightly because I think men are more apt to suffer their problems in silence.