to feel humiliated by mums leaving pub tables in a state

[Servernotslave]

I’m a waitress and today I felt so demoralised by the state the the table was left in by a group of 4 mums out for a £6.99 sandwich meal deal in the chain pub I work in; High chairs left caked in food, the floor covered in rice and grated cheese and other snacks, used wet wipes all over the table but not used to clean up even a tiny bit.

My children are 11&12 now but I never would have left a table like that, I’d have asked for a dustpan or if they offered to clean it I’d have left a tip and apologised.

I’m overworked and underpaid like a lot of jobs, I used to be a buyer in London but following a shit divorce i waitress locally because it currently fits in with the kids. I’m a smiley person and do my best to give really good service and go the extra mile however I couldn’t hide my disdain today and noticed one of the women had left her bank card on the floor, I ran out of to the car park to hand it back and said “Whilst I was picking your food off the floor I found this”.
She said thanks but tbh I wish I’d just left it behind bar so she would be inconvenienced collecting it- it’s so unlike me to think like this.

It took me 15 minutes to make the table presentable again whilst I also had food to run and other customers to serve- 25 other tables actually! I’m really questioning how a group of mums with toddlers made me feel so worthless.

Another table had left quavers all over the windowsill and another table had let their kids snap crayons everywhere.

It’s normally a nice pub with a great regular clientele but now I’m just dreading the build up to Christmas if it’s going to be like this every shift as more mums pile for get togethers and give no thought to how it feels to pick up mess like this in front of other customers.

AIBU to expect people to have a bit more decorum or is it my job unconditionally?

The people who I know who do this are middle class parents who have cleaners at home (I also fit into this category) - I wonder whether it’s to do with an attitude that they are too good to clean up after themselves. Sometimes I think it’s just lack of common sense though.

The times when my DD used to throw food about for fun when we eat out anywhere. I always asked for a dustpan and brush & clean it up. Some people are just complete pigs.

I wouldn't of left it like this...I wouldn't do it at home so why they think it's acceptable is beyond me!

I know when my kids were small and friends and I ate out the kids would make a huge mess. We would do our best to clean up. We'd pick up dropped food and put it on plates, wipe down high chairs with baby wipes etc. We'd also apologise for the extra effort it might take the restaurant staff after we'd gone if we'd missed bits.

They are rude and thoughtless people. It's doesn't take much effort to leave a table as it would be if only adults had eaten there.

One of our indie cafes has now doing 'bookings only' with a time limit on tables - this is because they were fed up of this type of behaviour from the 'mum clubs' as they called them.

I really empathise OP.

I once had to clear a table covered in not only food, but what was definitely a shit smear. I'm not waitressing at the moment, and I'm hyper aware whenever I eat out.

A colleague of mine used to say that everyone should have to do a week of waiting on by law, to teach them not to act like twats. I kind of agree.

It is humiliating because often these staff are on minimum wage and rely on scraps of tips, long hours so be treated like servants cleaning up other people’s childrens half chewed baby food with your hands from chairs and tables - in front of other customers trying to eat their food is what I would agree can feel humiliating, not even a sorry or offer to help. It’s horrible

Reminds me of when both my DC were feeling dodgy when very little but I had to do a shop dash. Got into shop, whipped round with them for the essentials only for one to start being sick all down me/themselves/the shop which set the other off, it was like a horror movie scene. I was so moritified - the shop keeper just staring at us all open mouthed. I plonked the DC on the floor and cleaned as much as I could with the shop ladies help, then fled with DC home. I went back later when DP got home and offered them some money for cleaning costs but they wouldn’t take it

BackforGood - the defination of humiliating - “adjective
lowering the pride, self-respect, or dignity of a person; mortifying”

I would feel that having to scramble on the floor to pick up other people’s mess whilst other customers watched.

I used to work in an nhs hospital clinic and the vile mess people left for the staff to clean up was absolutely shocking. Banana skins, spilt drinks, half eaten crap. And yes, it was the same group, women and small children.

I 100% agree that no way would they let their dc grind cake into the carpet at home or chuck crisps all over the floor.

And yes, there were plenty of bins available.

Of course it's humiliating to be down on the floor clearing up other people's mess.

Cleaning up after people - fine. But scrabbling around down on the floor cleaning up after ferals is humiliating.

I feel you. I work in a restaurant - it's casual dining however in the evening we do lay up with candles and wine glasses. Some people come in with kids and let them run around everywhere (dangerous with wine glasses and cutlery on every table, never mind the candles in candelabras!) and leave a total state of a table behind. I find it rude, obviously the children aren't going to clear up after themselves - so essentially it's the same as the parent going out, throwing food on the floor and making a mess then leaving it IMO. I'd be so embarrassed!

Like others said, it's their issue not yours OP, and don't let the fact it's your job make you feel worthless - they should be ashamed.

To any parent reading this who allows this to happen - PLEASE AT LEAST JUST PICK IT UP AND PILE IT ON A PLATE. I'd much appreciate that and just have to wipe over everything twice and wipe the floor rather than peel food off the floor. Vom.

YABU to feel humiliated. They humiliated themselves, not you.

'Nuff said.

You have class OP, remember that. Pity them that don't.

PS the best mum I had came in, laid some newspaper under the kids chair - enjoyed her meal with the kid making a mess and simply scooped up the newspaper that's caught it all and asked where a bin was to pop it in. SHES DOING PARENTING RIGHT

I have a mini dustpan and brush that comes with us when we eat out because polite staff have refused to supply one before and I was so embarrassed (very messy baby learning to eat). I don't think you are being unreasonable.

You see this everywhere though, toilets, cinemas, cafes, restaurants, public transport, some people are simply pigs. It really is grim.

Don't be humiliated op, you're the classy one here, not the scum who leave the place a shit hole.

If I wanted to clean up after myself I wouldn’t go out for lunch.

What kind of an attitude is that ffs? I’d be embarrassed to be that self centred, or if either of my dc had that kind of thought process. Jeez.

YANBU. I'm always amazed by a close friend of mine who leaves a massive mess behind. I always make a point of clearing up her crap before I follow her with my own kids but she never changes. I had to stop her leaving a dirty nappy at the table recently she is otherwise a really nice person but she has never worked as a waitress or bar staff etc and I have - wonder if that is the difference!

Worse than cafes is the cinema and theatre. It seems like absolutely everyone leaves their mess and rubbish behind and I'm not really sure why people think it's OK. It seems to have just become an accepted practice to leave all your rubbish at your backside at the cinema

OP you should not feel humiliated. It sounds like you are working hard, doing a good job and providing an income for your kids in difficult circumstances - you have lots to be proud of.

Thankyou CisMyArse

It is in your minds that it is humiliating, Pookie and Polar. I don't find cleaning to be humilating (and believe me, I've cleaned up a LOT worse than food that someone else has left).
It is annoying. If I were in a bad mood I can see you could be angry at the people, but there is no reason on earth for the OP to feel humiliated

YANBU.

And someone who said 'this is our reputation.' Yes.

I get what you're saying about finding it humiliating. I think, if we're nitpicking, you could have used 'degrading'? But the only people to be judged in this scenario are the ill mannered, entitled little pigs who left the place in such a state - and whose kids are all too likely to go on and do the same.

YOU on the other hand, OP, did not lower yourself to their level, you gave great service, in the face of huge provocation to do otherwise, and have nothing to reproach yourself for. You'll teach your kids to have consideration for wait staff, retail workers, with a great work ethic, and professionalism.

Good on you.

Actually I agree it is humiliating - you are there to serve their food and clean down behind them but not to pick up utter carnage, it’s a total lack of respect and massive sense of entitlement added to lack of empathy for the people who are cleaning up your mess!!

I find this kind of behaviour so, so unpleasant. Crap left everywhere after eating, food and empty packaging left all over the seats and floors in cinemas - where are people’s manners and self respect?

I feel for you OP, I clean up after myself wherever I go and make my kids clean up their mess also, any time they’ve resisted I’ve asked them why they think it is ok to leave a load their of junk for someone else to clean up.

YA most definitely NBU

I know someone who potty trained her dd on holiday so someone who worked at the hotel would have to clean up the mess! Isn't that awful?

I used to work as a cleaner for boarding houses where language students came on courses over the summer (so not small kids, like 14 - 18). You would not believe the shit (literally) we saw

We stayed at a premier inn earlier this summer, and had breakfast, my DS dropped his cooked breakfast on the floor. I told the waitress and she went off to get a dustpan, before she was back with it, I’d picked up the worst of it (scrambled egg) up with napkins.
The manager came across and said he’d wished he’d videoed me clearing up, so could have played in on repeat on the screens in the restaurant.
My child, his mess, me to clear up. I couldn’t have sat there and let the waitress do it

”If I wanted to clean up after myself I wouldn't go out for lunch...”

Do you think it is OK for anyone to leave the sort of awful mess that the OP describes, @howabout? Would you leave that sort of mess?

YABU to feel humiliated. They humiliated themselves, not you.

I would say though OP...I do not feel humilated or degraded by having to clean up the mess. I wish I didn't have to, and that people would have the respect to clear up after themselves, but when they leave I feel sorry for them being so ill mannered.

If only then knew how much they were looked down on by mere waitresses