to feel humiliated by mums leaving pub tables in a state

[Servernotslave]

I’m a waitress and today I felt so demoralised by the state the the table was left in by a group of 4 mums out for a £6.99 sandwich meal deal in the chain pub I work in; High chairs left caked in food, the floor covered in rice and grated cheese and other snacks, used wet wipes all over the table but not used to clean up even a tiny bit.

My children are 11&12 now but I never would have left a table like that, I’d have asked for a dustpan or if they offered to clean it I’d have left a tip and apologised.

I’m overworked and underpaid like a lot of jobs, I used to be a buyer in London but following a shit divorce i waitress locally because it currently fits in with the kids. I’m a smiley person and do my best to give really good service and go the extra mile however I couldn’t hide my disdain today and noticed one of the women had left her bank card on the floor, I ran out of to the car park to hand it back and said “Whilst I was picking your food off the floor I found this”.
She said thanks but tbh I wish I’d just left it behind bar so she would be inconvenienced collecting it- it’s so unlike me to think like this.

It took me 15 minutes to make the table presentable again whilst I also had food to run and other customers to serve- 25 other tables actually! I’m really questioning how a group of mums with toddlers made me feel so worthless.

Another table had left quavers all over the windowsill and another table had let their kids snap crayons everywhere.

It’s normally a nice pub with a great regular clientele but now I’m just dreading the build up to Christmas if it’s going to be like this every shift as more mums pile for get togethers and give no thought to how it feels to pick up mess like this in front of other customers.

AIBU to expect people to have a bit more decorum or is it my job unconditionally?

...I think there are an ignorant few people that view low paid jobs being occupied by people with no ambition/ achievements that they aren’t worth striking up a conversation with or invisible....

I think you are not necessarily reading them right. If you have 25 tables to look after you don't have time for chit chat with the customers. As a customer I would be looking to let you do your job with minimum interruption and obstruction from me.

As said previously I wouldn't clear up (although actually I wouldn't let DC's make mountains of mess or make them myself) I wouldn't ask for a dustpan and brush partly because I would then be getting in the way of the staff doing their job.

When I was silver service waiting people clearing plates into a central pile was actively obstructive. My other pet peeve was people leaving booby trapped stacks of half full cups.

... and you do sound like you think waitressing is beneath you.

My husband calls it "the death of shame". Over the years there has been a steady decline in both respect for public places and personal responsibility / self-respect. The result is what has been outlined in the many posts on this thread: people trashing public spaces and having no sense of shame about their own role in this.

YANBU, and I am glad that being able to vent on here has made you feel better, OP!

Sorry that you had to deal with a manky bunch of slutty mothers today OP. It’s not you, it’s them

People who are not nice to a service provider are not nice people ! I taught this to my children early on, and it’s saved us all a lot of time and trouble over the years !

@howabout l've just read your last paragraph. Not that we go out for silver service, but does that really cause waiting staff major problems? lf we've been out for lunch/coffee, we always stack our dishes thinking we're helping!

slutty mothers

DS2 worked in a chain pub when he was at uni. He said the mess that some parents left was disgusting.

I don't understand how, when you get up to leave, you look around the table, see an absolute hurricane of mess, caused by your party, you think "yep, I'll leave that!"

If this is your first Christmas in hospitality then be prepared! I've done 7 but am thankfully on maternity leave this year

One of my favourite times was when an office Christmas party of 14 people surrounded me demanding to know why I wouldn't accept their Leisure/Compliments/Bonus Bond type vouchers, even though my restaurant had never accepted them. There were about four 6' men towering over me (5'2) demanding that I let them leave their £250 bill unpaid.

I've also picked up shit from the top of a toilet paper dispenser whilst thinking what the actual fuck is wrong with people.

Yes,this is really scummy behaviour at an eating place. I have seen it happen many times. I would feel like mentioning all the mess to the women involved here, but of course,you can't do that as an employee

So not sure what the answer to all this is. Just know that it's the norm for some uncaring people ,how they go about their lives.

I've thought about this further and think there are 2 separate issues here.

Firstly there is the matter of rude and selfish customers. I think most people agree that leaving a filthy mess is rude and inconsiderate and it is disappointing that people behave like this and staff have to sort it out. Some mess is inevitable, but the extent to which some people create it and are willing to make zero effort to minimise it is staggering.

Secondly, there is the way you feel about the work you do and the way you value yourself. Lots if jobs have unpleasant aspects to them - table clearing may well involve some unpleasant aspects - even if people do try to tidy up, there will be times when a toddler creates a sticky mess that will need elbow grease beyond a wet wipe, or when someone is sick or has an accident in their chair - unpleasant, but part of the job, and certainly made better or worse by the attitude of the customer who made the mess - if they apologise and acknowledge it or just view the staff memeber as some kind of slave. The attitude if staff memebers to unpleasant aspects of their jobs is important - feeling the task is demeaning or beneath you isn't great and isn't going to give any job satisfaction. Lots of Carers do a lot of bum wiping and all kinds of unpleasant jobs, but they don't feel it is demeaning because they know it's part of the job and necessary. I think that if you have chosen to do a job, however unpleasant aspects might be, it can feel worthwhile and rewarding, even if aspects are unpleasant and annoying. The problem comes when you haven't chosen to do the job and find yourself in it when you really don't want to, Op has done ither jobs which required more qualifications and where perhaps she felt valued and recognised and now in this job doesn't feel her abilities are recognised and doesn't feel valued, and it is in the context of her previous work and different experience in the workplace, that some of her current roles feel humiliating. A lot of this is to do with finding herself in this place,mcomoared to where she has been previously. Other waitresses might dislike clearing up after messy customers but not feel humiliated by it at all. Indeed, there could be people who have been managing directors previously who end up doing some waitressing for whatever reason, who also won't find it humiliating, becaue their self worth and value hasn't been knocked by life and they don't get their self worth and value from thinking about what others must think about them, based on a superficial glance at the job or specific task they are carrying out.

So Op, I think you are right to be annoyed about disgusting behaviour, however at the same time, clearing up after disgusting behaviour is going to be part if your job and if it makes you feel so awful and humiliated, it might be time to look for something else. Don't let their rubbish behaviour make you feel like this. And then I'd also say, have a look at what is giving you your own self worth. Don't allow the job you do now or job you did innthenpositioin to determine this. You are the same person you were before with the same personality and skills and abilities who can hold their head high. You are not determined and your value is not determined by mental tasks you might be working on at the moment..ll and getting your head round this and realising your self worth is the key to feeling better. Because otherwise you could leave this job and go to a different or 'better' one and because your self esteem is low, there will just be something else which makes you feel a bit crap and demeaned.

I hope you have a better day tomorrow and some peasant appreciative customers.

kats Yes it does, because you use a 2 plate strategy on your left arm to clear all cutlery etc onto the lower plate and stack the rest above it. If there is a semi-sorted stack of detritus in the middle it takes sorting out and you have to reach into the middle, generally spilling cutlery or worse over the diners.

Guests turning round to talk to you rather than observing etiquette of leaning slightly away from you while being served is another cause of spills and mishaps.

I don’t think it is beneath me, but I do feel like people think I am beneath them. I do inwardly feel like shouting to those people that actually I had a very different life not so long ago and pointing out They may have treated ME differently to how they are now.
The difference between the two is subtle in explanation but glaringly obvious by actions.

YANBU, that’s really entitled and disrespectful

YANBU

I think some people get a weird kind of thrill from watching staff who they think are beneath them have to mop up.

I feel like this sometimes, there is usually an air of superiority around people like this and yes, it does feel humiliating to be treated like that.
I sometimes want to say "You do realise I'm a human too don't you?"
Tbh, I have less of an issue clearing up after children that make a mess than I do adults that spill stuff everywhere, refuse to let you in to clear glasses/rubbish and moan about the state of the table or if you run out of a certain type of glass because they've hoarded them on the table and have crowded round that much you can't slip in to clear, and then moan when you ask if you can get through to clear.
I've read on here on similar threads that service is awful in the UK, that may be in part because of the attitudes towards service staff, there's no reason to treat someone like they're beneath you, but many, many do and the "You're paid to clean up" mantra is so frustrating, technically yes I am, but that's no reason to deliberately leave a huge mess to prove a point - which is how it is sometimes.

I work in a very nice hotel and we have some regular customers, one of them is quite a well known business man, he's successful and wealthy, but so down to earth. He speaks to us like friends almost. We go out of our way to do things for him, I've washed and ironed a shirt for him because he needed it even though we don't offer a laundry service. Because he's a genuinely nice man and doesn't treat any of us like we're beneath him. He's reasonable if something is wrong and yes, he pays for and expects service, which he gets, and more because he treats us like people.
Some others seem to behave in that fashion because they think it's the done thing for the 'upper classes' - it's really not.

@howabout l understand that, it must be really difficult to manoeuvre. l don't know if it really applies to our circumstances, because ours tend
to be coffee and cake, or a sandwich lunch, and we'll stack everything on the tray afterwards. We're usually gone by the time the table gets cleared.

Thank you ChocolateWombat, I have screenshotted your reply for future days when I need perspective also!

Love the idea of teaching children that people who are not nice to service providers are not nice people. We should all teach our kids to be polite and respectful to those who serve us in shops, restaurants and all other kids of places. And we should probably all remember it a bit more ourselves too and just be a bit more aware of those carrying out those roles which can be bloody tough, thankless and underpaid.

Dd was a terrible food thrower. We rarely ate out. When we did I brought a large plastic mat incase the restaurant had carpet.

So rude and entitled

Some of your own hospitality stories on this thread have me counting my blessings! This is character building for us right?! :-)

@ChocolateWombat l couldn't agree more. l've worked in places where some people thought so much of themselves that they didn't even make eye contact with, or speak to, the cleaners. l used to make a point of chatting to them and asking how they were while they were doing our office, and offering biscuits and sweets when we had them. l'm no domestic goddess, and my routine at home is a bit haphazard. The cleaners we had were invariably lovely, hardworking people who we'd have been lost without. lt used to annoy me when people left the kitchen strewn with dirty cups, expecting the cleaner to wash them. That wasn't their job. Everyone on my shift used to take turns to make the hot drinks and wash the cups.

I would love it if restaurants would leave a bottle of safe cleaner and some paper towels where I could get hold of them just to do a cursory wipe down before we leave. It's embarrassing having to leave mess (and mine aren't bad) and walk away from it.

It’s disgusting. I spent 5 years of my teenage years as a waitress and was shocked at the state people left the table and floor! As a mum I always clean up afterwards - and when DC was a toddler would always wipe down the table and high chair with my wipes. People who feel the need to leave their mess behind have no manners.

YANBU. I worked as a pizza waitress as a student and hated the Saturday day shift- mums with kids left pizza and pasta mashed into everywhere! A couple of weeks ago I took my ds and 5 friends to a pizza type place for his birthday. I was mortified at the state of the table and immediately started clearing up the table/ floor etc. The waitress came over and was telling me I didn't have go, but I explained that I knew what it was like to clear up a table like that and I wouldn't do it to anyone! I also left her a generous tip and thanked her. She seemed genuinely surprised, which says to me that sadly many people still have no concept of their own ignorance.

Everyone should work in the service industry for a while. Might make us all better customers!

@howabout - I always stack plates larges ones at the bottom and smaller ones at the top, with all the cutlery on the top plate along with any used napkins/rubbish etc. Does this not help the waiter/waitress?

I used to absolutely hate this when I was waitressing. It was the half chewed food that was the worst. I really can't understand how thoughtless some people are. Now I have DS I make extra sure to clean up properly if we eat out... and he's bloody messy too!