to feel humiliated by mums leaving pub tables in a state

[Servernotslave]

I’m a waitress and today I felt so demoralised by the state the the table was left in by a group of 4 mums out for a £6.99 sandwich meal deal in the chain pub I work in; High chairs left caked in food, the floor covered in rice and grated cheese and other snacks, used wet wipes all over the table but not used to clean up even a tiny bit.

My children are 11&12 now but I never would have left a table like that, I’d have asked for a dustpan or if they offered to clean it I’d have left a tip and apologised.

I’m overworked and underpaid like a lot of jobs, I used to be a buyer in London but following a shit divorce i waitress locally because it currently fits in with the kids. I’m a smiley person and do my best to give really good service and go the extra mile however I couldn’t hide my disdain today and noticed one of the women had left her bank card on the floor, I ran out of to the car park to hand it back and said “Whilst I was picking your food off the floor I found this”.
She said thanks but tbh I wish I’d just left it behind bar so she would be inconvenienced collecting it- it’s so unlike me to think like this.

It took me 15 minutes to make the table presentable again whilst I also had food to run and other customers to serve- 25 other tables actually! I’m really questioning how a group of mums with toddlers made me feel so worthless.

Another table had left quavers all over the windowsill and another table had let their kids snap crayons everywhere.

It’s normally a nice pub with a great regular clientele but now I’m just dreading the build up to Christmas if it’s going to be like this every shift as more mums pile for get togethers and give no thought to how it feels to pick up mess like this in front of other customers.

AIBU to expect people to have a bit more decorum or is it my job unconditionally?

People that do this grate my goat.

I use to find I tidied up my own ds stuff and my friends when we went out because I just didn't see anything beyond 'normal' mess left as something that's the waitress/waiter job.

The other day I went to costa with ds. I was at the number of people who didn't even make the effort to stack plates and cups on the tray before they left. They left tray on table/floor and their shots all around it.

Basic standards and manners cost nothing.

I agree with Charlton on the death of shame. I think a lot of people - across all strata of society - now think that they can behave in an entitled, semi-feral way without any respect for others or responsibility for their own actions. This is just one example but there are so many more: iPads on full blast at tables, music without headphones on public transport, farting (yes really!) on packed tube trains, insulting people on MN/Twitter etc. Common decency and public decorum have virtually disappeared.

yanbu! We did baby led weaning with both kids, yes it's messy, but we used to take some newspaper for under the high chair to catch the worst of the mess and give everything a good wipe down with babywipes before leaving. Even now the kids are older, if they've made a mess we clean it up. Some people are just disgusting and selfish!

I too think 'the death of shame' is a great summary of all this. It seems that becoming a parent brings on the death o f shame for some people who decide having small children entitles you to do anything you or they like, and that no-one else can ever complain or expect anything different from you.

What is the counter to this? I don't think it's getting irrate with the rude people, because often their self entitlement prevents them from seeing anyone else's view. I think it is to determine that we ourselves won't behave like this and make extra steps to do the right thing - being aware of staff in service roles and treating them decently and as real people, not robots is a start - and we can teach our kids to do the same too - pick them up on bad manners, selfish behaviour etc rather than going for the lazy option and ignoring it or deciding they are too little to behave in a decent way. In the end, we have to rise above it.

I always think that if people do all the jobs like this, then they will stop hiring wait staff or hire fewer and just provide bins ultimately, so its tricky. No excuse for leaving a huge state, but picking up after people is part of the reason these jobs exist too, and having to not do housework after I guess is the reason people go and pay £4 for a bit of cake instead of having it at home.
Our high streets are dying, are full of cafes instead of shops. I think its helpful to remember that its providing a whole service, not just a place to sit whilst drinking expensive coffee and eating expensive cake.
Of course some people do take the piss, but im surprised that staff feel degraded by cleaning tables.
I felt degraded wiping peoples arses in hospital, but I didnt find cafe work degrading, although i do think its harder work than people probably imagine

I feel the most effective option is to ban these customers from returning. There is a line of acceptable behaviour and this crosses it.

Explained silver service earlier and why better not to clear up. Have also done normal local cafe waitressing. Still prefer customers not to stack things on the tray before leaving. Why? Because no-one ever balances the tray for lifting - precarious cups, plates stacked high, all on one side etc. It will almost always need rearranging and the detritus separated from the crockery. Half clearing just makes more work.

Also when I sit down in a pub, cafe. restaurant one of my pet hates is being expected to accommodate the tray while I eat. Where do you all keep it?

Loads of my DDs friends now work in the local shops and cafes. The last thing they want is DDs Mum being obsequious and making conversation when they are just trying to earn their petrol / beer / make-up fund.

They rarely see fit to interact with grown - ups when not doing their job. In short the average waitress round our way is a cut above most of her customers.

There's a difference between being obsequious and picking up your own crap from the floor.

@Ceecee18 totally agree

It sounds like the customers were messy and it must have been unpleasant for you to have to deal with the aftermath but it's not really about that is it? You mention in the your first post about being a buyer in London but your circumstances have changed due to divorce and you have had to change jobs. These feelings are about you and how you perceive yourself.

You don't want to be the waitress clearing up other people's mess. It's not 'you' is it? Why not look at changing jobs? I think you need to work in your self esteem, as you have been through a tough time and find more challenging and fulfilling work. Good luck!

Every time i ask for a dustpan and brush i get told, that's ok, i will clean it up. I do clean up tho, wipe the table and highchair, pick food up etc. I would feel embarrassed to leave it in a mess. I think tho sometimes people think, this is what I'm paying for and I've come out to eat, so I don't have to worry about cleaning up etc, so they don't bother cleaning etc.

Having worked in and managed cafes/restaurants I've witnessed this a lot. You expect a certain amount of mess when there's been young children/toddlers eating. The vast majority of people make an attempt to clear up, but there's always a few who don't. I've 2 children, 1 is a toddler and I'll lift up as much of the mess as possible. I don't have a steam mop or dustpan and brush handy, but I'll do my best, I know as a worker I appreciated it. I've also been on the receiving end of some proper disgusting messes left behind (and not just food). YANBU to be annoyed about it OP, but to be humiliated is taking it too far, you're doing nothing wrong, you're earning a living. Some people, rightly or wrongly, just don't think.

That is revolting and disrespectful. YANBU.

There are plenty of us out there, who respect your job and would never behave so appallingly.

They will be from the lower end of the IQ scale, so take your comfort there.

So, as a society, we should respect others, leaving you and your childrens mess for someone else to clean up is not acceptable.

Call them out, ask them to clean it up, shame them.

I have no problem in challenging people in restaurants who leave tables like this. In fact I have done it. Some obviously tell you to piss off, but some will blush, say they didn't notice, and offer to clean up.

It is rude, entitled and inconsiderate to leave so much mess and dirt behind you. YANBU.

I also like eating in cafes/restaurants because it aaves me effort. The effort it saves includes things like setting the table, clearing the table (except where this is expected) and cooking. I don't go there to drop food everywhere without clearing it.

IKEA, Wetherspoons, MacDonald's... any budget eateries = clear your own space when you have finished. Or start leaving a tip imo

M&S sandwich = £3 plus drink £1. If I'm paying £6.99 as in the Op I expect some degree of service for the other £2.99 x 4 other diners = £11.96. And yes I would generally tip but not if staff looking down their nose at me for having the temerity to grace their establishment with a toddler.

I would never change a nappy at a table but I have been known to go out to the car to do it in preference to making do with manky pub toilets with no-where clean, safe and accessible to put a baby.

I remember when working as a waitress a child threw up all over the table. The mum just moved to another table without batting an eyelid, no attempt to clean up. I was too young and unconfident to question it and just went ahead and cleaned it up but I've never forgotten it.
When my Dd was small I always cleaned up any mess we made.

Surely if a child is sick all over the table the last thing the person clearing it up needs is said sicky child and their parent, also likely covered in sick, in the way. Admittedly more a case of exit stage left than move tables though.

But this isn't about a child being sick is it. It's not about an occasional occurrence of illness or accident which you have to expect will happen occasionally and staff will need to sort out - it's about day to day rudeness and selfishness of making far more mess than should reasonably be expected and having made that amount of mess, having no sense of having any kind of role in trying to reduce it a little.

No one is saying waiting staff shouldn't clear up. It is part of their job and they do have to and generally do expect to do it, plus also dealing with the occasional disasters which happen, and which yes, because of the the equipment they have,bare better placed to sort out than the customer. However, it is wrong when customers wantonly generate extra mess and seem to have zero thought for the staff clearing up - this can involve a range of things such as leaving stuff scattered all over the place with no attempt to even gather it into one place, to often speaking rudely to the staff or totally failing to acknowledge their existence. I think it is more the latter attitude towards staff rather than the mess itself which is actually so upsetting - lots of people say they are verybwillingntongo above and beyond when they have simply been acknowledged and treated as humans. To me, not treating people as humans and giving them respect is the ultimate 'death of shame' which is so evident in these cases.

This is why I go out of my way not to patronise 'family friendly' establishments. My days of putting up with toddlers are long in the past, I don't want to be sat next to a squealing one complete with parent who allows child to run feral when I'm having a nice lunch out.

YANBU. I worked in the cleaning industry for years. A lot of people are utterly disgusting.

yanbu! I used to waitress at pizza hut in my teens so obviously a fairly family friendly place. always hated it when a load of mums and pushchairs came in because I knew they wouldn't tip and would leave a mess.

@ChocolateWombat

Yes for me it's not the mess as such it's the attitude towards anyone in the service industry that a set of society seems to have that's upsetting, like you don't matter, you're not a person, not worthy of being treated with any respect at all. Even basic manners. That's what I find humiliating rather than being on my hands and knees sweeping up half eaten food, it's the belief that somehow I deserve it.
I also don't understand the 'us and them' attitude many have. Customers are there to have a good time and enjoy themselves, some seem intent on looking for anything they can so they can be all 'Ha! Gotcha!' to the staff. We're there to give you the good time you've come for - why set yourself against someone like that?