You can’t understand, unless you’re a mother

[PerfectionistProcrastinator]

I was having a conversation today with two colleagues about a lady that we know. She is currently going though a difficult time worrying about her young adult DS.

We were all in agreement that the lady in question must be going through a terrible time at the moment when one of them (a mother in her 40s) says that our other colleague and myself could not possibly understand how it feels until we are mothers ourselves. This is not the first time that this person has suggested that people without children could not fully relate to a situation.

AIBU to be irritated by this?

I am 34, my partner and I have been trying for a baby for a year since our miscarriage at 12 weeks. She knows that I would love nothing more than to be a mother myself.

OnlyFoolsnMothers

If that's what you think OK.

But surely no one can fully comprehend something they aren’t - they are still allowed a point of view.
I can imagine how hard it must be to be drug addict but if an ex drug addict has a point of view I will say their experience makes theirs more valid.

Being right and being appropriate are not the same things.

Your colleague is a twatty idiot, OP - in particular as you were agreeing with her point of view.

She’s probably quite insufferable to her children too - twats rarely save it just for work.

You can understand, just have to imagine being in their shoes. Not all people can do it well though.

Like I can imagine how tired, annoyed, upset etc a parent could be after staying up all night with a sick child, having no sleep and having to cope with all of that. It's one of the aspects that puts me off having kids, because I'm useless with people being sick.

cushioncuddle
Everyone feels and sees things differently. No two people experience something the same. So I think it actually doesn't matter if you've had kids or not. People are quite capable of understanding the love they would feel for a child and how upset you'd feel seeing them go through difficult times.

Pretty much this. Furthermore, being a parent does not magically invest an individual with a set amount of parental emotions which are not available to non-parents. In addition to a non-parent empathising with a parent's situation, it's perfectly possible to have parental type relations with individuals who are not your children and it's perfectly possible for parents not to be terribly invested in their children. In summary, the woman was talking bollocks.

It does not matter whether it is true or not ( I personally don't think it is but it looks like I am in the minority here), it is rude to exclude someone this way.
I have been lucky enough to go on holidays. Would I turn to someone who has never been able to afford one and say: 'well, you couldn't understand what it is like to fly, can you?'.