To ask if you can be attractive and fat?

[Needinghonestynow]

I am pretty overweight at the moment. I just cannot seem to stick to a diet for any length of time, have a Fitbit which has helped a bit in terms of daily activity but I know it’s mostly about food. I’m very lonely so eat.

I feel so ugly. I have nice hair, eyes, teeth, but it feels I am just drowned in fat

Can you be attractive and overweight?

Personally, I find something deeply unattractive about people who work so hard and restrict their diet and lifestylr to maintain an unrealistic weight that’s obviously too low for them.

Personally, I find something deeply unattractive about people who judge others on their diet and lifestyle choices whatever weight they are but that's just me.

OP, over the past week, two men I know have admitted to having a huge crush on Anne Hegerty. Reasons being she's clever, funny and has a twinkle in her eye.

Sunday Girls you are a very healthy BMI of 21.5. Why are you on a diet?

I’m not judging.

PeachCokeZero Restricting your diet, over exercising and having a low BMI is also compromising your health.

Yes.

It is an unrealistic weight PeachCokeZero if you visit the gym daily, log everything you eat, consime 1500 cals a day even on gym days and still struggle to maintain that weight.

You’re the one talking about weight and health.

I personally think there’s something attractive about Peach’s determination and effort to remain in shape. My DH works hard to be lean and muscular and I think it’s very attractive... wouldn’t feel the same if he ‘let himself go’. Whatever floats your boat...

SerenDippity Technically I know I'm a healthy BMI, but (unfortunately) I have maybe what you'd call an artistic eye for clothes?! I feel I have more choice over styles when I'm slimmer. Because I'm tall, if I'm heavier then I feel like I'm galumphing. When I'm slimmer, I feel willowy.

I think body frame has a lot to do with it. I know people who are two sizes bigger than me but they look slimmer because they just carry it differently. My body frame is fairly slight (thin ankles, wrists, waist but I am prone to bigger bum, thighs and arms) so when I put weight on it seems to show more than someone who has a bigger frame. Or maybe my head's too small I don't know.

peach I admire you for taking care of yourself in the way you do like some PP have suggested. When I was bigger I might have relaxed about what I ate and drank etc but then I paid for it mentally by worrying about what to wear for special events, didn't want to get into a costume on holiday etc. So it's not all plain sailing/without its downside if you are overweight and don't "restrict your diet and lifestyle" as it was put. Many is the time I've been through outfit after outfit and felt fat and frumpy in all of them, when I was bigger. Couldn't stand it.

Having been a size 16 and a size 8, I prefer the effort of watching what I eat to worrying about what to wear/feeling fat. I also admire people who genuinely don't care either way, but I do.

I'm with peachcokezero on this one.

Someone who watches their weight, trains hard, makes the effort to be healthy and therefore feel good is flamed for 'Restricting your diet, over exercising and having a low BMI is also compromising your health'

BULLshit. Peach is healthy. But because we're warped as a society in regard to weight she's deemed to be compromising her health.

Yes, bring on the donuts, TT2 diabetes and a good old fashioned heart attack. And we'll all feel better.

halfwit it's hard to know what to think now. Because people are a lot fatter than they were (say) 20 years ago, and also as a society we are a lot more aware of the notion of terms such as inclusivity, not judging, individuality, acceptance etc., clothes manufacturers (mainly) have marketed it as "celebrating your curves", i.e. making it into a positive thing. But when people are slimmer does that mean they are rejecting curves? Are they less accepting? More judgemental?

I read a blog by a plus-size blogger (she markets herself as such) because I like her colour choices and the way she puts outfits together. She is, by anyone's definition, fat (a size 22-24) and when I read her blog I do love her fashions, but I also find myself noticing (not critically) that she is actually fat but she calls it curvy, then I feel guilty for thinking of a size 22-24 as fat instead of curvy. I also think there's no way she can be physically comfortable being that size no matter how happy she says she is with how she looks. She's literally carrying around a huge amount of weight all day, every day.

I am overweight. I never fail to have lots of male attention on nights out. I dress well for my shape and have thankfully never put much weight on my face which is probably my best feature (not a boast, just what I've been told). I'm also really good at my own hair and make up so I do think that helps.

Despite that I don't think I am attractive at all. I hate the body I'm in and am addressing that with Slimming World and exercise. So to me, I don't think fat is attractive but it absolutely is to some people.

Fashion changes too and I think that reflects on things a lot. 'Popular' tastes now reflect big bums/boobs and athletic frames as being coveted. A decade ago it was flat chests/stick thin. Dress sizes are massively 'vanity sized', so a size 10-12 in 2018 is way more like a size 12/14-14/16 30yrs ago. My gym prides itself on advertising most members are a 'size 16-18!'. I think it's to encourage new membership and feel 'inclusive'. Bit of a shitter for those who naturally fall in the size 6-8 category though (of which I am definitely not). As others have said put on your best face regardless big or small, clean hair, brush teeth, shower, clearly all very basics but extend to nail treatment/good haircut/well fitting clothes and it helps a lot on the inside of how you feel which then reflects on the outside too. Someone can be 6ft, size 10, gorgeous, but if they don't brush their teeth or their hair then obviously it'll show.

Just want to tell a story.
I once worked with a girl who was very large, she was extremely tall and very hefty. She wasn’t very attractive, big nose etc but my goodness she could pull!
EVERYONE found her REALLY alluring because she believed in herself, was confident and funny.
She taught me a LOT
Be you and be you as hard as you can.
That’s more attractive than anything

To be honest OP if you feel your issue is more loneliness I'd concentrate on that foremost and then see if things fall more into place. MFP (my fitness pal) offers a social interaction side along with calorie/fitness tracking. You could easily build a supportive online network to support you on a daily basis. Local Parkruns are extremely welcoming and have all levels of fitness members from walkers to elite standards (everyone gets claps/cheers and they'll stay until the last walker hobbles over the finish to the biggest cheering - lovely folk!).

OP my weight fluctuates a lot and I definitely feel better about myself and my look when I am size 14 or under. I definitely still look attractive at size 16 but 18 upwards I feel less good about myself. I have recently lost quite a lot of weight and toned up and this happened because I started doing the couch to 5k program which really worked. Once I could physically run 5k (and believe me, that was a miracle as I couldn’t walk up stairs before without hugging and puffing), I started adding in more exercise. I have a long walk to work and so started getting up early, putting on good music and walking to work a few times a week (7 miles). It sounds extreme but I have ended up enjoying it. You can make the most of what you have now for sure by grooming and wearing flattering but stylish clothes, but don’t give up on the idea of losing weight. Try a new approach. Good luck.

PeachCokeZero
Reading back I can see how my first post could appear that I was directly addressing you. Apologies if it appeared like that as I was responding to the the thread title and my personal experience of a previous partner and a couple of friends who basically, suck the joy out of life, with their gym/diet obsession. Having read your response to my comment and it did concern me initially tbh, but I can see that it helps you mentally and you appear to be in control.

SerenDippity Technically I know I'm a healthy BMI, but (unfortunately) I have maybe what you'd call an artistic eye for clothes?! I feel I have more choice over styles when I'm slimmer. Because I'm tall, if I'm heavier then I feel like I'm galumphing. When I'm slimmer, I feel willowy.

Fair enough you’re making an aesthetic choice but you could afford to be heavier and still be healthy.

I am 5ft 2 and just under 9st. I am a largish frame, big hands and feet, long legs short body and hour glass shape 26 in waist with an E-F cup bust. I could lose just under two stone and technically still be a “healthy” weight but have been scoffed at on here in the past for saying I would actually look underweight and unhealthy at that weight.

My SiL is very overweight but I have always thought she's stunning. Great teeth, lovely eyes and she just knows what suits her. She's also fun and lovely so I think that shines through.

Of course they can and are. Most people look better with a few extra pounds, rather than a few too pounds, and thus looking gaunt.
Plus sized models can look stunning.
Ashley Graham?
It's all about acceptance and inner confidence.

No, not unless you have the confidence of millions and self esteem to go with it.

Is it male attention you crave? Are you sure?
Many posters have said they had to fight off attention, say when younger, and others have said 'invisibility comes with age'.

I never had any attention. No one even took much notice of me. This is ok. I'm no beauty, not particularly attractive, but I always did, and still do now, 'scrub up well'. I still wear glittery/ sequinned dresses and some lippy and I feel good.

What is it you actually really desire? Are you looking for one person to fall in love with you? Or universal acceptance from both men and women? Or something else?

Ok I am a similar weight and only a little taller. My weight has varied alot in my life and actually I feel better about myself now than I did when my weight increased to 10 stone.I am concentrating on health for now. I am doing more exercise and I can say I do feel more attractive now than before. I am also taking time to pamper myself. Something that I haven't done for a good few years.