To ask if you can be attractive and fat?

[Needinghonestynow]

I am pretty overweight at the moment. I just cannot seem to stick to a diet for any length of time, have a Fitbit which has helped a bit in terms of daily activity but I know it’s mostly about food. I’m very lonely so eat.

I feel so ugly. I have nice hair, eyes, teeth, but it feels I am just drowned in fat

Can you be attractive and overweight?

Im currently a lot heavier than I'd like to be (5ft3 11stone) as I put on weight after an injury and I know I feel unattractive and heavy in everything I put on.
However, a friend of mine is quite a bit heavier than me and always looks amazing, I think its about how you feel about yourself and what you project. Said friend radiates confidence and people are always drawn to her.
I however at the moment feel like a slug as I've made the mistake of continuing to eat as I did when I was training 4/5 days a week and now my clothes feel uncomfortable and I refuse to buy bigger as I think that is a really slippery slope.
So OP think you have two choices you either except the skin your in and work on your confidence levels or you cut back on the treats and move more

Of course you can still be attractive, but speaking from my own personal experience of being slim and toned, and being overweight, I suddenly became invisible, or derided for being 'fat' to getting an awful lot of attention when I was slim and fit.

I think you can. I am fat but I have nice hair and teeth and dress well.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Morbidly obese here for my whole adult life. It’s not how I’d choose to look obviously, but I’ve had my share of relationships and been happily married for over 15 years.

I am a lot more than my weight.

Of course you can be attractive and overweight! It's obviously not a 'conventional' attractive look, but clearly plenty of people are not too fussed and plenty of overweight people find t easy to attract partners. Confidence, friendliness and fun are by far more attractive qualities.

I am definitely invisible april

Not practicing what I preach by any means (48, overweight, single mother of four teens, generally too knackered to care) but I think spending time on yourself, grooming and caring for your body goes a very long way. It all helps with self esteem and how you present yourself to the world.

So taking a bit of time to show yourself a bit of love will reflect. God, I’m sorry - I know that sounds like ‘self-care/love yourself’ glittery unicorn shit type talk, but I do believe it. A hair mask, a body scrub, all of that stuff - it makes you take the time to care for yourself.

On that note, I’m off to wrap myself in a glittery unicorn shit body wrap and will come out fighting the men off.

Honesty, I don’t know how old you are but I think invisibility comes with age. But when we become invisible, there’s a freedom with it. We can stop caring about what anyone else thinks. It’s liberating.

I got more attention at 12 stone than I do now at 10 stone. So there are men who like a bit more meat.

Yes. To most people most of the time. A few people don’t like some body types. But they are the oddities not you. Confident men or women will find the opposite or same sex attractive generally. There is something wrong with those who don’t. Indeed not finding the human form beautiful is odd.

Focus on being the best you now. Forget about other what you think are other peoples perceptions.

invisibility comes with age

Not true. I'm 26 and men don't give me the time of day. I think most men go for what's popular in looks. I don't dress like an Instagram model so im not turning heads.

If it makes you feel better I'm 5ft 1 and weigh nearly 16 stone ( size 22 clothes). See I've cheered you up now ☺️. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Don't do yourself down ❤️

Of course you can be fat and attractive!!

Going from a different angle to the one that usually comes in answers, attractiveness comes from within, it's so long as you are happy etc etc.... all very true, but can make them feel like platitudes?

When I started my current job, about 2 months in we were joking about the amount of snack we eat at work, and then onto at home in front of the tv, with wine etc, and my boss stated "It's my own fault... that's why I am the size I am!", And I had no idea what the hell she was talking about. I had not noticed she was any size at all. Of course, when it would then not be so obvious as to look her up and down ('cos I'm thinking, what are you talking about?!), I saw well yes, she is large, and by her own admission of weigh ins, clinically obese. But bloody gorgeous. So so pretty. So IMO, weight doesn't come into attractiveness.

Yes, you can (unless super morbidly obese) - see, eg, plus sized midtown.

However, posters saying some men like chubby women, or that sole / confident air is enough- or that beauty is in the eye of the beholder _ that, I suspect won’t make OP feel any better!

It's a hard one. My mum taught me that fat = unattractive, lazy etc. She was very unforgiving of her own body - she was always on a diet, always criticising herself and others if they were overweight. I look back at old photos and she was skinny as a rake in most of them - at the times I know she was doing the Cambridge diet (yes 35 years ago!)Yet I don't think she was out of step with the general attitude and values of her time - or now. Slim does = attractive, or at least it's a big part of it.

So now, when I see plus-size models and bloggers, I'm really sorry to say that it feels like The Emperors New Clothes: I can't understand why everyone says they look great / attractive / etc when I look at them and think "but you look awful! Your legs are like sausages stuffed into tiny shoes and your belly is hanging out over the waistband!".

But this is my problem. There is a lot of internalised misogyny being handed around. And the capitalist world we live in just drives it on and on: show women a (often) unattainable image, make them feel they have to live up to it and that they are failing when they don't, and sell them lots and lots of lovely stuff to either help them attain the goal - or bury the shame and hurt and self-loathing under a pile of chocolate when they can't. Either way, the system wins. There was a really depressing article in the Guardian this morning about Victoria's Secrets models and the extreme, damaging lengths they go to to get that look. And they are all being controlled by this short, fat guy who has all the power - and clearly doesn't have to starve himself half to death to get it!

I really admire /envy the people who have truly managed to focus on health rather than appearance. Because being healthier is something that is attainable, which can be worked towards just for yourself. The goals that you work towards are yours, rather than being set by other people IYSWIM. I struggle with this too: my mum didn't exercise for fun ever, it was always about keeping her weight down.

Sorry for a non-comforting post.

Of course you can be attractive and overweight. I think I am and I'm a size 18/20.

Also speaking from personal experience, I couldn't lost weight when I hated myself. Everytime I fell off the wagon I would feel like shit and think I was disgusting and just ended up eating more.

Since I've embraced more body positivity (I follow some great people on instagram) I've slowly been losing weight by eating a more.balanced diet and cutting out some or the treats, the difference is when I have a big blowout (like the pizza and ice cream I had this weekend) I don't see it as "naughty" and I don't punish myself for it.

I know it's easy to say but stop having yourself. Nothing good ever came from self loathing.

Your face never changes. Ok so it can look chubbier than before but the actual features don’t alter so yes, of course you can be attractive and fat. It’s also greatly to do with confidence and how a person holds themselves.

It is true PetiteMama, perhaps not just with age then? But middle age certainly brings it.

@Needinghonestynow I know how you feel I'm 4ft10 and was 13stone4 at my heaviest 😭 (close to 14 when pregnant)

Being short and stubby is the worst - I naturally have big thighs so even at my skinniest my legs have been massive. I would love to be the 9stone odds I was at 16!

The lightest I've been in 2 years has been around 11 stone so I'm aiming to get back to that atm (I've just had a baby 9 weeks ago and I'm around 12st11 atm) I'm doing slimming world at home and taking my little ones walking in the pram!

"When Nigella Lawson was a size 16, she had more of a 'bounteous' air than a 'fat and depressed' air. "

Yes, but Nigella Lawson's fat was all distributed in the 'right' places i.e. the hourglass figure that men love.

clearly plenty of people are not too fussed and plenty of overweight people find t easy to attract partners. Confidence, friendliness and fun are by far more attractive qualities

It's not the case that some people 'aren't fussed' or will overlook a fat body for a good personality. Plenty of people actively prefer fatter bodies. Everyone is attractive to some people!

Once I get back to that I will reassess how I feel and adjust! I doubt I'll ever get back to close to 9lbs simply with how muscley my thighs are!

9 stone ffs

However, posters saying some men like chubby women, or that sole / confident air is enough- or that beauty is in the eye of the beholder _ that, I suspect won’t make OP feel any better!

Why not? I have 2 sexual partners at the moment who tell me how much they love my big bum. It feels great to know that my body type really gets them going. It's so liberating!

"Confident men or women will find the opposite or same sex attractive generally. There is something wrong with those who don’t"

What? If you're confident you find everyone attractive?? Can you explain yourself?