To ask if you can be attractive and fat?

[Needinghonestynow]

I am pretty overweight at the moment. I just cannot seem to stick to a diet for any length of time, have a Fitbit which has helped a bit in terms of daily activity but I know it’s mostly about food. I’m very lonely so eat.

I feel so ugly. I have nice hair, eyes, teeth, but it feels I am just drowned in fat

Can you be attractive and overweight?

Of course you can! I know lots of attractive people of all shapes and sizes.

I think girls in general are getting bigger - our prom dress shop goes up to size 32 now - but they are some of the most attractive girls I've seen. They have lovely personalities, love life, clothes, makeup, friends.

My DD is petite and is drowned by all her 'bigger' friends and colleagues but they all love each other and help each other - which is an attractive trait.

Being attractive is more that what you look like.

attractive means different things to different people. Loads of people can find fat people attractive, and many people find fat people especially attractive

Taking two high profile examples off the top of my head, Dawn French has always been overweight and has always been attractive. Teresa May looks to be a healthy weight and is not attractive. It’s all about style, attitude and presentation.

Yes, you can

BUT, if you're feeling unattractive, it's unlikely anyone one else will find you attractive.

If you want to lose weight, you CAN do it, you've started with the FitBit, that's amazing and such a step forward. I'd advise you to bin all the diets, because they don't work. If you just cut down on portion size, you WILL lose weight.
So get a smaller plate, and eat what you like, but eat a bit less than you normally would. If you usually eat 4 biscuits, only eat 2 or 3. Just do it gradually, and bit, by bit. Think of it as year long project, so do not go weighing yourself every day, worrying about a pound.

Good luck!

I think you can be attractive, there are some beautiful plus sized models, but it will always depend on whether the other person likes someone with a bit of cushioning when it comes to dating, plenty do.

I think happiness makes people more attractive, so maybe try and work on your self esteem and let go of the diets for a while?

I'm sorry you're feeling low, it's such a horrible feeling x

Of course, you can be any weight and be attractive and beautiful.

I've seen celebs on tv many a time who have lost tonnes of weight and have thought they looked younger and prettier before they lost the weight, and that they suited having the extra weight more. I tell you who I always think looks so pretty is Melissa McCarthy, she is so pretty and would look weird if she lost a tonne of weight.

Also, fwiw, I went on a diet about 2 years ago now and was just starting to fit into size 10s when I saw a photo of myself and realised I looked ill. Being that slim doesn't suit my body shape as I'm what I would describe as sturdy, and will never have that swan-like waif thing going on. I've since put back on most of the weight I lost but I think I actually look healthier at a more 'cuddly' weight.

Also bear in mind that for some people (me included) if you lose weight your boobs shrink too. And if like me you can't afford to lose any weight from that area it's horrid to realise your bra is suddenly gaping. That's not an issue for everybody but for me personally it made me feel miserable.

Being healthy is far more important than actual size.
Being healthy will also give you more confidence that you CAN do things and that self assurance is what makes you attractive.
When you feel you can do things then activities from walking or maybe participating in tennis/badminton/whatever if you have time to put that bit of effort in. Anything 'team' based will get you out meeting others.
If you are over eating, try and wean yourself off sugar and unnecessary fat.
Carrot sticks and Humous as a treat rather than a cake or biscuits.
(Ok humous has oil). To make this a treat don't get the low fat/cal version, get some you like.

@1tisILeClerc - I'm healthy, I eat carrots etc, I'm confident AND fat (mostly) and I know I can exercise. Just find it really patronising saying about getting out and meeting others because we are fat?!

Yes you can. I am a size 14 after having four kids in quick succession. I don't look huge but my BMI tells me I am obese.
I don't like to sound bigheaded but I have always been attractive. I don't feel as attractive with the extra weight as when I was size 10 and a model, but I still get attention from men and compliments on my looks. My husband finds me extremely attractive as I do him.
Maybe I would feel different if I was ten stone heavier, but there's a difference between someone who's a few stone overweight against someone who's massively over weight. But you will always be attractive to someone. People like all kinds of different things.

Yes they can.

One of my most attractive and vibrant friends is overweight, but fit. She hikes every weekend, but loves cake! She’s quite round (in the style of Dawn French of the 80s), but she is one of the most vivacious, gorgeous women I’ve ever met.

Oh, and when we’re out as a group, she is the one men are drawn to because she exudes sparkle!

The problem here is not fat, but the mindset and attitude. If you loath yourself, despise yourself and are convinced you are not worth love and admiration, it sure as will shine through. So people will obviously notice fat, but they will ultimately make their opinion of you based on what attitude you project. Of course, very overweight people can be attractive, people with missing limbs can be attractive (!) and they do find love. It is all about what’s in your head, rather than external attributes.

The issue is it’s rather challenging to feel attractive and stunning when you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, or indeed feel repulsed by what you see. And this attitude you carry with you. This is the problem. You’re not gonna start feeling happier or more attractive until you are happy with yourself and are pleased with the way you look. Once you start loving yourself, appreciating yourself and respecting yourself, the weight will fall off. Weight is not the issue here, it is a mere consequence.

Put it like that, would you want to harm yourself by shoving rubbish in your mouth? No, you love yourself too much for that. Would you let yourself be treated badly by yourself or by others? No, you are worth respect.

I think of overeating as self-harm. You wouldn’t do that to someone you love and respect, you wouldn’t deliberately inflict damage on their health and compromise their wellbeing by feeding them damaging amounts or types of food.

Look after yourself and love yourself 💐Weight is not the root of all problems here.

5'5" and 16.5 stones here, down from 23.5 stones at the start of the year. I've never felt unattractive or had trouble getting male attention, though that might be more of an attitude thing (plus, you know, boobs), but I'm definitely more attractive now, partly because I can fit into more flattering clothing, but mostly because of the added confidence and energy I have now.

Try not to focus so much on the negatives and concentrate on the bits you like about yourself. Instead of hating your body, think about keeping it healthy and focus on its abilities. I saw a post on Insta the other day that said ''Exercise is a celebration of what your body can do, not a punishment for what you ate'

Carve out some time in your day when you can do an activity you enjoy and focus more on 'being active' than 'doing exercise'. I have a fitbit too, and I have it linked to Myfitnesspal so that all my calories in and out are logged in one place. It keeps me motivated, apart from the occasional wobble. If you don't want to diet, just make small, sustainable changes in your daily habits (a quick walk on your lunch break, eating a protein-rich breakfast). They add up surprisingly quickly

Agree that many people of all shapes and sizes can be attractive. We all vary on what appeals to us. My personal preference is for slim men but a few years ago I was walking down the street minding my own business when this very overweight man smiled at me and said hello. Absolutely not my type at all but years later I still remember him. He just had something, there was a cheeky friendly confidence about him that was very attractive.

So yes, you can be attractive. It's as much to do with your attitude as anything else. I have preferences, but the men I end up going out with quite often don't match those but have many other good things going for them.

Yes, a thousand times yes!

Helps a LOT if you dress for your shape and in clothes than fit properly, I've recently started wearing more fitted things (pencil skirts etc) in a size up.

Losingthechub that is a great achievement, how did you manage it?

One of my most attractive friends is probably size 20 and short but she has beautiful clear skin, nice hair and amazing eyes and smile. She also has bags of confidence and dresses well for her hourglass shape. So weight isn't everything. I regrettably regularly fluctuate between size 12 to size 18 and while I feel healthier at a size 12 my bum goes flat and saggy and my boobs look a bit sad, whereas at 14-16 I have a nicer curvier shape and feel more confident, even if my BMI says I'm overweight.

I honestly don't know. It would be nice to think that size 12 is not too big and to allow myself to wear nice clothes. Realistically though I wouldn't expect any attention at that size. If a plus size person is being complimented there is always that silent 'for a fat girl' hanging in the air. As in, you're really beautiful! (For a fat girl). See what I mean?

I reckon it's all down to confidence and how little you care what others think.

Absolutely!!! If it helps, check out these instagrams for stone cold proof that attractiveness doesn’t require thinness:

@bodyposipanda
@preciousleexoxo
@shooglet
@ashleygraham
@queenlatifah

All of these show that big bodies are beautiful and worthy of respect and appreciation.

Media doesn’t prioritise fat bodies, which creates an assumption that nobody finds them attractive. But in the real world that isn’t true - attractiveness is not only the preserve of thin people.

When I was young and slim I worked with a woman who was pretty but overweight, her df was very good looking and I wondered how she had bagged him. Now I look back and realize how stupid I was, she was beautiful actually but at 18 I couldn't see past her weight. Society is very judgey about weight to the point that a man finding an overweight woman attractive is seen as niche, possibly even a fetish, it's ridiculous. I think you can be over weight and very attractive, I am fat myself but sadly not attractive. (old gimmer)

Attractiveness is about more than weight. It’s about tone (of body and skin), smooth and clear skin, glossy hair, bright eyes, features, and how groomed you are, your sense of humour, your self-confidence etc. Of course you get some men who will only date women with a specific bodytype and don’t care about faces but that’s rare — most men will place more importance on the factors above.

Some people are, but I definitely wasn't.
I think it depends a lot on how you carry your weight - the larger women who are generally considered attractive like Ashley Graham or Christina Hendricks tend to have classic hourglass shapes. When I was overweight I carried it all on my face and belly, had a flat bum, etc.
When I lost weight my cheekbones and waist appeared, my flat bum stayed the same size weirdly but doesn't look so flat now the rest of me is smaller! I'm not going to kid myself that I can be attractive when I'm overweight because I know I really can't.

I think you can still be attractive but far more attractive at a smaller weight. This is me at 19 stone and I felt okay, still got compliments and chatted up, but have started losing as I just didn't feel healthy and never wore nice clothes. So I think if you're okay with being "attractive for a big girl" then stay as you are but just think of how good you'll feel if you were your full potential :-)

Dawn French has always been attractive