aibu to want Christmas in my own home?

[pinklemonade84]

Last year was the first Christmas without my mum and we ended up having a miserable day at the in laws’ house. Where they took over dd, went ridiculously out on large plastic toys that they know we don’t have room for, made comments about me having a drink for a change, amongst other stuff.

At the time I spoke to dh and said that I wanted to start some of our own family traditions, he was in full agreement. But, now the time has come, it obviously hasn’t materialised.

I spoke to mil the other day and said I would pay for some bits for Christmas Dinner (think a different type of potatoes, some nice stuff and a couple of other bits), but because she doesn’t like them she refuses to cook them. And she doesn’t want my contribution to food in the evening because I like different stuff to them.

I said to dh in the kitchen today, reminded him of what we’d spoken about last year and he said it was too late to change our plans this year. I said that I was fed up of dry meat, over cooked veg and being made to feel bad because I don’t like certain stuff, and said that next year I’d love it if we could eat here and then go over to the in laws. But dh has completely missed the point and said he will cook there next year. Which means dd not being able to open presents in her own home and us not having any time alone with her.

It feels like I’m booked into spending every Christmas with his parents, no thought into what I want or the fact that dd soon won’t want to be dragged away from her parents. Mil never spent Christmas Day with her in laws, so why on earth am I expected to spend all of mine with her?

Why not make Christmas Eve or Boxing Day your family Christmas. Go all out with what you want and love.
Just suffer her Christmas Day meal knowing that you've had/got lovely things in store to make your own traditions.

I completely get where you’re coming from opbut I don’t understand why you won’t have this rant at your dh. Unless you have concerns about him being aggressive or nasty, In which case you have bigger problems.

Let him see how upset you are and tell him how utterly miserable you were last year

Oh OP - you are just looking for a chance to whinge and complain about a situation that you have no intention of trying to tackle and deal with, hoping that all the other people involve suddenly want to do things the way you want.

It is not too late to call MIL and invite her to you. If you haven't actually been invited to MILs, you can get on with calling her now and sorting it. If she declines because she would rather be in her own home this year, fine, you invited her, you are under no obligation to go. Open the conversation with "I really want DD to spend the day in her own home this year, as DH and I did as kids, but we'd still love to see you, would you like to come to ours for the whole day and I'll cook, or maybe for the afternoon after lunch if you'd rather do that at home?"

If you can get a folding table for next year, you can get on the black friday deals and get one today for this year.

Get on the phone and sort it. If you wait for your DH to do it, it won't happen, as you've seen. Yes, his mum, he should deal with it, but he won't, and is happy enough to go there.

Make a choice to change the bit of your life you aren't happy with, or accept that you could easily change things but are chosing not to.

Your mil sounds a bit of a bitch OP and I think you should go with your heart and establish your own family Christmas traditions at your home. As you say why should you adapt to your mil expectations, when by her own admission she had the Christmas of her choice at home with her young family.

Incidentally, I'm a grandmother and invited one of our children, partner and grandchildren to Christmas dinner but they explained they wanted to have it in their home this year. Completely understand, that's their prerogative, although expect to see them for a few hours during the morning sometime, they live within a mile.

Stand your ground and don't be bamboozled, grandparents are not entitled to appropriate their grandchildren for Christmas Day, for heaven's sake, we've all had our shot at that, she's being greedy.

Another one saying you should start as you mean to go on. MIL can freeze the beef and use the turkey over several meals. Invite them over!

Alternatively, make Christmas Eve or Boxing Day you "family" day this year and firmly establish you are doing it at home next year.