To say I understand why some people don’t pay child maintenance? X

[princessmum1]

Just that really. It seems crazy that child maintenance is not means tested beyond anything other than income. It doesn’t matter if your mortgage/rent or your ex partners is £2000 a month or £300 a month you’ll b expected to pay the same amount. Seems odd when you compare it to benefits that are very much means tested based on everything.

Well I'm thankful that my exh doesn't think this way and contributes a decent amount of maintenance!

Is living with family and relying on their goodwill for childcare whilst studying in order to eventually get a good job and some degree of independence and afford your own place really considered ‘living it up’?

Surely that option is available to the NRP also, he could go live rent free with his family too if he so wished, no? Then he’d have a lot more disposable income.

Also I recon if a woman gets together with a man who resents or avoids paying child maintenance for his existing dc, it’s pretty clear indication of what her own joint children will be treated like should she split from him.

And shouldn’t be a surprise or her.

And getting together with a NRP, the new partner should expect that the NRP will be paying for their existing dc and all their income will not be available in their family pot. If that’s a terrible hardship then maybe don’t form a relationship with a NRP.

NRP lives in the cheapest possible home[...]near enough to where they need to live to work.
Not really sure why this leaves them with £50 a week? It must be a pretty shit job. Maybe he should look for another job in a cheaper area and/or one which pays better?

the other parent is living rent free with family
Perhaps she can't afford to rent her own place? I wouldn't want to have to move back home.

claiming £200 a week universal credit
Which is means tested so she wouldn't get this if she didn't need it

paying around £400 a month on a personal hobby
Is it a hobby? Or is it potentially leading to a source of income for her, perhaps a career or a business? It's half her income, you don't spend that kind of money on luxuries. She's "only" got £100 left to live off for her and however many DC.

going to university
Would suggest she is thinking long term and making sacrifices now in order to support the DC better later. University isn't all parties and drinking you know.

having family do all childcare free
That's lucky of her. I expect she wouldn't be able to study without this. But it doesn't mean her ex shouldn't pay maintenance.

The thing is the CMS do very much encourage separated parents to come up with a private arrangement which suits all parties best. It's when they can't do this that the CMS themselves get involved and propose a simple formula which probably doesn't fit every situation perfectly, but they can't go around making a custom arrangement for every single person. The fact the CMS are involved shows that there's some hostility/degree of communicaton breakdown on one or both sides.

Im thinking if getting a nice new car for a few hundred a month, a whopping great mortgage on a snazzy new build and booking several holidays a year. This will all add up to nearly my whole wages every month. So no money left over to pay for stuff my kids need. Even though I obviously knew I had the kids when I made the commitment to pay for nice lifestyle.

But seen as I'm the resident parent with some idea of taking responsibility il have to not bother. Because as the resident parent I don't have the option of choosing not to make them my priority.

Imagine if I just decided I'm refusing to spend any money on the kids, worst mother ever! Fine if your a non resident dad tho apparently

Another who doesnt understand why your outgoings matter???? You sound like youre saying maintenance should be paid put of what is left after what you choose to spend, rather than a priority.

This

In the OP's case, the man should be very grateful that his ex's family are making his child(ren)'s life more comfortable. Imagine if she didn't live rent free with free childcare. Would he like his children to live in a cheap house with £50 after bills too?

The ex going to uni will mean that her kids lives will be better in the future. The ex might not feel great being dependent on her family. It's rare to live with your parents as an adult and not get on each other's nerves.

It should certainly reflect as far as possible the costs. Eg the cost of our full time childcare when divorced was £30k out of taxed income so £15k each. (I paid it all). Sechool fees 3 sets was about £35k a year at least for the older children out of taxed income (I paid it all - none came out of the amost £1m I had to pay my ex). We needed space to house 5 children so a 1 bed flat would not be enough so even if we went for the cheapest flat near us(outer London) comapring the cost of their father renting a 1 bed and I renting say a 3 bed that difference in price is a cost (unless you are lucky enough to have an ex who chooses to see the childn and let them stay (mine hasn't) and then he will also need some extra space for when the children are with him.

Hard to believe that there are still women who justify their partners doing all they can to get out of paying for their children.

I can't believe this is a real thread.

My ex earns over £100k a year and he pays £16 a week.

I applied for a variation and he's contested it so he isn't paying anything at the moment.

I live in a council house that I am in the process of buying. Standard three bed. Because that's what I can afford on my salary whilst still ensuring my child has everything she needs from school uniform to days out. Everything she has is paid for by me.

He lives in an apartment that costs him £1600 at least to rent. He pays a fortune for car insurance because he was done for drink driving a few years ago.

He has never bought her a piece of uniform,
He doesn't have her overnights, but you think we should take his rent into account and his other outgoings which are his doing.

You love, need to have a word with yourself.

If you have children you support them. That's it.

Women are our own worst enemies sometimes.

There will always be handmaidens; apologists for feckless spoilt bratty men.

How does she get Universal Credit if she's a full time Uni Student?

How many children does she have? My DD has two children and doesn't get £200 a week.

He isn't being honest and is spinning you the line many Men do about either the Ex taking all his money, or not letting him see the kids.

And this is why I avoided men with kids when I was dating

In the days when maintenance was dealt with in the courts my ex, who was paying next to nothing put in an application to have his payments reduced because his 2nd wife needed a new car!
The judge pointed out he had children before a 2nd wife and they were the priority. He looked at ex's income and outgoings and promptly increased the payments.
Some men are fuckwits.

There will always be handmaidens; apologists for feckless spoilt bratty men.

Gullible idiots.

He isn't being honest and is spinning you the line many Men do about either the Ex taking all his money, or not letting him see the kids.

Or being unhinged, crazy, vindictive, lying etc.. There's a script.

Seems odd when you compare it to benefits that are very much means tested based on everything.

Child maintenance isn't a benefit, it's a parent supporting the upkeep of a child they made. And the resident parent doesn't get to only put in a certain percentage. Resident parents put the kids first and the kids are always the first consideration financially. Sadly some non resident parents see their payments as a mere 'top up' to the parent they're happy to shoulder the day in/day out running.

I wonder if you're the partner of a NR parent resenting CM payment's?

Sorrybaby - as if the nrp in op's setup is living life of Riley! Student, living back at parents, on benefits and raising the children. Come on!

Silvercuckoo I agree except I think there should be a minimum cost of raising a child set. Maybe Include : 1/4 of average rent, food bill, utilities bills, children's clothing expenditure, school materials costs and childcare if they're young enough to still need that. Then an agency like cms calculates any increase on that based on nrps income.

Abacucat given the mother is a full time student I'm highly sceptical of OP'S figures and sources of her income.

I am the rp and i dont get cms. I did before as his income meant he could rent a room in a house share and take kids out here and there. Now he has a 1 bed flat and sleeps in living room and kids have the bedroom. Now he can be a proper dad. We live close to london and on 20k ish a year his rent is 800 a month. To me, the needs of the kids relationship with him means more than an extra 250 a month into this house hold. Obviously if his circumstances change this will be reviewed but for now its even and I'm ok with that.

Child maintenance isn't a benefit, it's a parent supporting the upkeep of a child they made.

A benefit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So you say this is a 'friend', then someone rumbles you from a post you made under the same name last month in which you outline the same scenario, but for yourself. Which line of bollocks is it? Get a decent boyfriend, OP. Bullshit someone gets £200 a week in UC whilst at uni.

Graphista

I was trying to make the point that even if it was the way that the OP had described, it wouldn't be very common and changing the rules would affect the RP in 9/10 cases.

So even if her 'friend' is paying more than he thinks is fair, I would guess that most pay less than fair.

My daughter is a lone parent and a student. She is not entitled to UC as they see a student loan as income.

Why is there a kiss at the end of your post?

I suspect that the number of RP with a new partner is less than the number of NRP with a new partner as it's easier to date when you're a NRP.

I have a friend who is the RP and she is brilliant - funny, clever, caring, good looking - but she cannot get a new partner, it never works out. She'll arrange a date and her ex will drop her in the shit by saying he's "too busy" to have the DC even though it's his weekend to. Or one of the kids will get sick. Or her childcare will crap out. Or she'll start dating someone and it'll seem like it's going well but 4-5 dates down the line he'll say he's "not looking to play dad", and this is way before the point where she'd even be considering introducing them so there's no suggestion of anyone being expected to "play dad".

Her ex meanwhile has had numerous relationships in this time, including one that lasted nearly three years, has cancelled his weekend with the DC time and again because he's had a better offer (date, lads weekend away, going to watch the football, the kids have got a cold and he doesn't want to catch it - all actual excuses he's used). He's now living with a girlfriend and they're due a baby in January. She's had no maintenance off him at all for the last eight weeks because "girlfriend wanted to buy the nursery furniture" so my friend has been in the awful position of trying to stretch her income way beyond the point it is capable of stretching to and selling her belongings to make up the shortfall. He has also cancelled his last three weekends with them because "girlfriend is a bit tired so they can't sleep over because they wake up too early". I doubt the girlfriend knows she's being used as an excuse.

He isn't being honest and is spinning you the line many Men do about either the Ex taking all his money, or not letting him see the kids.

Or being unhinged, crazy, vindictive, lying etc.. There's a script.

I always think you can tell a great deal about a man based on how he talks about his exes, especially if they have children together.

Has the OP gone to have a word with herself/himself?

It sounds exactly like my ex.

"I'm willing to pay half of everything but not anything towards your rent, or utilities or shopping because you pay those anyway"



The thread has really wound me up.