To say I understand why some people don’t pay child maintenance? X

[princessmum1]

Just that really. It seems crazy that child maintenance is not means tested beyond anything other than income. It doesn’t matter if your mortgage/rent or your ex partners is £2000 a month or £300 a month you’ll b expected to pay the same amount. Seems odd when you compare it to benefits that are very much means tested based on everything.

Means testing it on the basis of income is sufficient. I can't understand the (lack of) workings of a mind that thinks this is unfair.

I'll try and make this easy for you. Lets assume you're a single parent. You earn, say, £2,000 a month. Too much to get benefits, but all your outgoings are accounted for. Does that mean you're absolved from the responsibility of feeding and clothing your child? Does that mean you won't treat your child occasionally, heat another room in the house, and generally spend some of that money that you claim not to be able to afford? If you're a decent human being of course you'll spend your money on your child. Separating from the parent with care doesn't mean you get out of paying maintenance because all of a sudden you can be a tight arse. You can't.

You don't have to understand it. If you don't understand it now you never will.

Bollocks. It's your child, you help to support it.

My ex is self employed so pays £40 a month for dd.
His email ncome does not look include the interest from his investments/savings that he takes monthly and is more than my full time wage.Not all of us get full access information or disclosure during a divorce.

To say I understand why some people don’t pay child maintenance?

I understand why- they are deadbeats. Bad enough that someone fails to parent their child and the other parent has to do it all, but to then not pay a penny towards their upkeep is deplorable.

A parent who does not raise their child has no right to question the finances of the actual parent. Society would be better off if we all had no tolerance for parents who fail their children. I don't know how people can date or befriend a deadbeat parent- I couldn't.

Also the n your case you bf can afford rent where as the mother of his children is having to live with her parents.I hope he at least sees them regularly.
If you don't ever want to pay towards children don't have them.

I agree. If the ex partner still lived with the ex they would only have what could be afforded - why does that suddenly change when people separate?

YABU - you can always minimise your outgoings and the primary concern should be to pay for your child. I’ve seen instances where the father has wangled his self employed earnings so that his baby got barely anything whilst the mum has to struggle, it’s frankly disgusting.

My ex has been complaining he won’t be able to afford to live if I go ahead and claim via the CMS and tried to blackmail me to get me to reduce it (which did not work). He will simply have to go out once a week for cocktails and Michelin starred restaurants rather than 4-5 nights!

YABU. You pay for your children first then yourself. That’s his parenthood works. It’s irelevantvwhether you live with them or not.

What is also disgusting is the ex wife sitting at home not working whilst new partner and her ex have to both work god knows how many hours to support our own children and pay her maintenance. She also has a new partner with a very good income.

Gettingbackonmyfeet - regardless of the RP's income the nrp is half responsible for the children's basic costs.

You're coming at this from a perspective of someone who is lucky enough not to NEED cm but the RP's who do need that cm are being betrayed by your view.

It's not taking money from the nrp for no reason, the reason is they are equally responsible for the child/ren.

"I fully agree NRP should pay 50% of upkeep of their child. Just think it should be dependant on shay upkeep actually is." So you don't really fully agree nrp should pay 50% of upkeep at all.

As for posting vague reverse type threads - many mners are not fooled by such attempts, plus the sex of the nrp is irrelevant.

In real life I'm aware of a few nrps who were/are women and they can be just as shitty about maintenance, contact etc as male nrps can be! Just because they're women doesn't make it in any way acceptable to try (or worse succeed) at dodging their responsibilities to THEIR child/ren.

Simple fact is those children are the responsibility of 2 parents it's not on to leave the bulk of the responsibility both financially AND practically/emotionally to the rp.

"Why does your ‘friend’ think his ex’s family should pay to house, clothe and feed his child and he shouldn’t contribute?" This too. Taking the piss really.

Also as airyfairy says not all benefits are means tested.

As for how much you know - you SHOULDN'T know certainly about the RP's finances as its really totally none of your damn business!

YABU.

Too many NRP get away with contributing fuck all.

seventh I really feel for you on the £40 per month. OP my ex paid fuck all for first 13yrs of Dd's life, when it went to court he was 'self employed' and ordered to pay the grand sum of £38pmth and then grumbled about it extensively. During the previous years I'd moved into my own home with Dd, returned to work 8wks post birth, worked 2 jobs, paid child minder more per hr than I was earning and made ends meet via tax credits and 'free' weekend family childcare. I also put myself through university. Presumably I should have been massively grateful that I was 'lucky' enough to raise our child whilst living it up on the 38 quid and become a SAHM in the mansion it would have paid for. 😂

YABU. If you don’t want the responsibility of having children, there is only one to ensure you avoid that. Celibacy.

My mum’s cousin got his girlfriend pregnant when he was seventeen. His mum made him get married. When he said “I’m too young to get married” she said “You’re old enough to make a baby, you’re old enough to get married”.

They are still married three kids and nearly 50 years later. They are happy and have a good life. You have a child, you do what it takes to look after it.

I really think some of the States in the US have the right idea- unpaid child maintenance- jail. None of this quitting work/reducing hours to reduce liability.

At the most it's 19% of your income I think... at the most... if you're paying for multiple children

Maintenance is not unfair on NRPs

You get it reduced if you have overnight contact too to account for that when the child is with you to cover costs when they are

my dsis took her ex to cms who complained he coudnt afford it on a 100k salary ffs

the advice was to move properties-he didnt want to

some people just dont want tp pay regardless

Yes, there are some NRPs who literally can't afford to pay maintenance - if they are unable to work and get their benefits sanctioned, for instance. But there are a lot more selfish lazy dickheads who could pay but won't - either because they want to spend their money on themselves (or on the DC they have fathered on the latest woman: if you get PG by a man who has several older DC he doesn't pay for, FFS squirrel away as much money from him as you can while he's still in the doting stage, before he trades you and your DC in for a newer model) or because they want to punish the DC's mother for having dumped their unsatisfactory, inadequate arses.

When my ex quit his job he didn't have to pay any maintenance at all... if people don't have it they don't get made to pay it

When he got one... he did

It's simple OP, you're looking at it the wrong way around. Deduct child support first from what's coming in, what remains is what the NRP has for rent, bills etc. So, if what's left doesn't stretch to £2000 pcm rent then you don't get to rent somewhere that costs £2000 pcm.

What is also disgusting is the ex wife sitting at home not working whilst new partner and her ex have to both work god knows how many hours to support our own children and pay her maintenance. She also has a new partner with a very good income.

Boo-hoo, you knew what you're getting into with a man who already has children and decided to have children with him anyway.

ReanimatedSGB I strongly suspect my ex's behaviour toward our dd on maintenance and contact is why wife 2 has stayed despite both being miserable and his repeated cheating. They have 5 DC and initially she believed his excuses for his behaviour. Later she stopped even trying to believe him (she was supposedly my "friend" and we - all 3 of us - still have contacts in common).

People don't really change. Shit spouses/parents are shit spouses/parents whoever they're with.

Fairygarden - again - the ex wife's situation is none of the next wife's business. Regardless of her circumstances the dad still is responsible for half the child's costs. Even if she's a sodding millionaire! Not you - him! If he's making you responsible for cm for his child you really picked a wrong 'un!

I think there should be severe punishments for people who don’t pay maintence, including jail. Scum of the earth.

@fairygarden

So you thin a man bitching about supporting his own kids is person you want to Ben in a relationship with? What do you think will happen if you have kids together and he decides that he shouldn’t have to pay for your child? And you have to move in with your parents and struggle?

With all due respect you sound like an absolute idiot

'princessmum1' and a kiss at the end of your thread title? Are you sure you're not being the teensiest bit goady?

My children's father doesn't pay as our divorce order does not require him to do so although i could have got some nominal amount from the CSA.

Some men should not have more children with a new partner as they do not earn enough to support their first family for a start.