To be totally fed up with this?

[lindsey33]

My grandma is 97 and she has dementia.
She lives in a multi storey council property.
Her last hospital visit was 2 months ago and social services did a assessment,visited property etc and they decided she could stay at home and closed the case.
Now this busy body housing officer has turned around to me and said she doesn't think she is capable of getting out if there was a fire so has contacted social services.
So now they will open the case again and might even say she has to go into a home.
How dare she? She's lived her years and years and no fires.
She's such a bitch,I can't take no more of this stress.
Why did she have to contact social services ?
Just because she thinks as she has dementia she's a risk

@lindsey33 - I agree with the other posters who have said that the social worker has done the right thing.

Quite apart from anything else, if she had concerns but didn’t act on them and then, God forbid, there was a fire and your grandmother was injured or killed, her job might be on the line.

Also, given that the recent assessment found she was safe to stay in her own home, it is unlikely that the findings of this one will be very different, unless her condition has deteriorated significantly in the last couple of months.

Finally, even if her condition has deteriorated, and they don’t think she is fit to stay in her home alone at nights, maybe there would be other options than a care home - for example, could you stay with her overnight? Maybe with some extra help coming in during the day (provided by SS - which would be cheaper than putting her in a home, so a win for them too), to support and help you during the day.

I wonder if it's just making you realise that your gran is getting older and may not be around forever?

The council do not put people in homes unless they absolutely have to. It costs a bomb. This person is doing her job to determine what is in your grandmother's best interests and the other occupants of the building. You'd be the first to scream injustice if there were a fire and your grandmother was unable to escape in time. People risk their lives saving others in event of fire and therefore, that risk needs to be minimised when possible.

I realise she's your world and you're 'not prepared to lose her' but you really need to reconcile yourself, too, to the fact that people don't live forever and someone who's nearly 100 is probably not so very long for this world.

If SS find its in her best interests to be in a care setting there is little you can do about it although you might be able to persuade them otherwise if you are willing to house her in your own place.

So, people can be forced into homes against their will in the U.K. do I have that right?

It's a bit more complicated than that- there are questions of capacity. But yes, if someone is assessed as lacking the capacity to decide, they can be forced into a care home against their will, if it is in their best interests.

I agree with username. Actually lots of people who present a fire risk, smoking alcoholics, people who leave gas fires and cookers on by mistake, smoke in bed..... live at home. It sounds like this housing worker is overzealous. Loads of people can't get out in a fire for lots of reasons
There is a chance gran will die in a fire, but she is97, the chance of her dying because she is moved are higher.
Op get the social services to share their report with housing and make a complaint to the housing dept.

Charolais the decision to be moved anywhere (different house, care home, relatives home) is entirely dependent on capacity. Capacity is time and decision specific so a person with dementia may have capacity in the morning, but nor in the afternoon or may have capacity to make a decision regarding the food they eat but not the medication they take.

If someone has capacity to make a decision then no one can force them to do something different. This includes whether the decision is 'wise' or not. So if OPs gran has capacity to decide where she lives and despite the risks wants to remain living at home then no one can do anything about that. Similarly, if the OPs gran has capacity and chooses to move elsewhere, she can do that.

When someone does not have capacity to make a specific decision, one of two things happen - 1) a person who has been granted Power of Attorney by the person gets to make the decision, and the decision must be made in the person without capacities best interest (which is not necessarily what the person with LPA would want for themselves). 2) if no one has LPA then a professional with most experience in that area would convene a Best Interest Meeting pulling together the views of all relevant people (including family members) but the professional would be the "decision maker" and their decision would be what is carried out. The decision maker is usually a social worker when it comes to things like care homes or doctor if it comes to health issues such as whether to give someone medication or to have an operation.

Why not move on with her then you know she is safe and content in her own home then?

It might even be less stressful for you rather than having to arrive and leave at late/early hours?

MarthaArthur

Thanks for your reply. I live in the U.S and my parents live/lived in the U.K. My mother kept insisting my father wasn't allowed home again, even for a visit. I considered coming to the U.K and having him back in their home for several months for my visit. My mother insisted they wouldn't allow that. He had PD and hallucinations.

The whole situation was very complicated and her own health was getting bad - as is my own. I just could believe it was being forced on them and thought my mother was exaggerating.

You're not putting her first, though. You're puttingyourself first - whatever irrational obsession you have with keeping her at home when it may not be the most suitable thing could actually be doing harm to the relative you claim to love. Are you heavily invested in the idea of yourself as a wonderful unselfish martyr or something?

OP, I get it. My granny died when she was 97. No dementia, lived alone since my Granda died 15 years ago. Physically very able, very supportive family. Small terraced house, no carers.

Two years ago (almost to the day) I got a call at work saying her house was in fire and to come. When I got there she was being treated in the front garden with police, firemen and paramedics everywhere. No flames, but noxious black smoke everywhere.

She went to ITU, came round but couldn’t tell us what happened. Fire service couldn’t tell us either. She didn’t smoke.

She couldn’t tolerate the physiotherapist to clear her lungs and declined further treatment. She died after two weeks - surrounded by her family.

She’d never had fire in the 70 odd years she’d lived in her house either. It was horrifying and harrowing and for many many months I’d se her lying in the garden surrounded by emergency services every time I closed my eyes. Every time I blinked.

Please let your gran be assessed. She may be found to have no risks. Any risks could be mitigated with some adjustments. But please allow it. If it could happen to my granny who was amazing (she’d painted her living room herself that month) it can happen to anyone.

Ultimately they can't force her into a home - to do that they'd have to evict her and I can't see them doing that to a 97-year-old. So, if you honestly think it's best, stick to your guns. But, from what you've posted before, it sounds as though it might be best for the both of you.

Some people on this thread are being real dicks to an OP who is obviously in distress. It’s fine to challenge her view about the housing officer but if you’re making insinuations about inheritance and carers allowances etc you ought to question why you felt the need to be so nasty.

Nicknacky if it's a one bed flat she wouldn't be able to. It also wouldn't be good for the OPs mental health and she'd never have a break, and she may own her own home, or potentially have to give up a secure tenancy with no recourse to remain at her grans should something happen to gran. A very unwise decision!

If social services did an assessment two months ago and nothings changed then i wouldn't worry. They'll likely nip out again and come to the same conclusion?!

Im abit at your reaction to a housing officer raising a completely valid concern? The lady would be destroyed if your gran died in a fire! You genuinely must be able to see her point? You'd be crazy not to want this addressed???

Was the fact that you are with her all day a factor in her being able to stay at home?

I think that it's actually quite disgusting of you to call the housing officer a bitch.

She has a concern & it will either be a valid one or not!

Read the thread. Social services said she ok at home.

overagain, thank you for your detailed info. I wish I had known about MN when all of this was happening.

"Read the thread. Social services said she ok at home."

Well then Op has nothing to worry about does she?

Things will stay just as she wants them to.

No social services assessed her months ago and said she was fine to stay at that time. She has a progressive terminal disease. 2 months can cause a huge change.

Well if all of you are thinking the same about her getting out of a building really anyone over the age of 85 should be in a home as they are slow and won't make it out in under 2 mins possibly not even under 10 minutes and if she was assessed 2 months ago unless she has really went down hill in the last 2 months the person to know would be the one who cares for her not a housing officer however she is doing her job

Sadly I expect the OP has disappeared and will post again under another username when the next incident occurs. I'm all for people being able to name change, but it's not helpful when it stops people knowing the background.

@lindsey33, please discuss this with someone who knows the full background to the case, and who has an idea of the stress this is putting on you. If you and your grandma have the same GP, that would be a good starting point.

Hi i haven't read any replies.
They won't make her go into a home just due to her not being able to get out in a fire.
There should be protocols for people that need sort to get out anyway.
They would need to look for ground floor for her I would say but they definitely can't just put her into a home.

It's quite a big deal to take someone's tenancy off them. A specialist would have to declare them unfit, because op cares for her and can assist with paperwork and bills as well as personal care. She is v well supported. It's not like she is a risk to others, many people with mobility issues can't get out. The risk of that may be preferable to giving up your home, it would be to me. When op can't manage or sees gran suffering she will probably be first to ask for help

YABU - Has this got anything to do with you losing your carers allowance if she goes in a home

Smug, op clearly stated at 15:12 and 15:14 that she does not claim carer's allowance in relation to her grandmother and never has.