To be totally fed up with this?

[lindsey33]

My grandma is 97 and she has dementia.
She lives in a multi storey council property.
Her last hospital visit was 2 months ago and social services did a assessment,visited property etc and they decided she could stay at home and closed the case.
Now this busy body housing officer has turned around to me and said she doesn't think she is capable of getting out if there was a fire so has contacted social services.
So now they will open the case again and might even say she has to go into a home.
How dare she? She's lived her years and years and no fires.
She's such a bitch,I can't take no more of this stress.
Why did she have to contact social services ?
Just because she thinks as she has dementia she's a risk

Why did you bother to ask if you are being unreasonable? You’ve already decided you are perfectly reasonable! Obviously everyone else, both in real life and on mumsnet are being unreasonable. A 97 year old with dementia left home alone, what could possibly go wrong!

OftenHangry yes, it's a progressive disease, but at significantly different rates for different people and for different types of dementia. We have no idea what if nay level of cognitive impairment the OPs gran has.

Op - do you think she would be able to safely evacuate the building by herself in the middle of the night if it was burning down, full of smoke, and nobody was there to assist her?

Op why are you so afraid of her going into a home? You can still visit her every day in one if thats whats worrying you. You can also go around them and see how they are before she goes. Or is it a money worry? Somethings obviously upsetting you here but at 97 with dementia and hallucinations shes not safe at all on her own sadly. I used to be a dementia carer.

If the council would have to pay the care home fees, believe me, they don't make the decision to put someone in a home lightly. It's very expensive, so they will typically only do it when someone is at serious risk and there's no other option.

As for being able to get out in an emergency, dementia can get worse very suddenly, so that the person forgets how to do something they could do very recently. In the space of a week, my mother forgot how to get in or out of a car - no longer knew what to do with her arms and legs, and would get panicky if I tried to help, so I could no,longer take her out.
And I know someone who collapsed completely with the strain of trying to look after his wife with dementia. She eventually managed to bring him the phone so he could call 999, but would never have been able to phone herself. and when the emergency services arrived, she couldn't remember how to open the door to let them in - they had to force it open.

@overagain you are absolutely right. I assumed it has progresses quite a lot considering OP is there majority of the day and grandmother doesn't even have a cooker anymore.

OP I really feel for you because this is a hugely emotive subject for you and you love your grandma and provide her with a huge amount of care. But you are being incredibly unreasonable.

The housing officer isn’t claiming to be a mental health professional. But she knows that your grandma has dementia, and she knows that makes her a risk to herself and others. She’s trying to balance everyone’s interests, including those of other people in the building, and emergency service personnel.

You do an amazing thing by looking after your grandma, but sometimes someone needs more care or security than can be provided in the home. It’s really hard, and I don’t blame you for being upset. But I think you’re expressing your frustration at the wrong party.

I’m going to go against the tide. At 97, familiarity matters. Care should not be about extending her life, it should be about keeping her happy.

There are concerns about neighbor safety. There are also concerns about this woman being injured and unable to seek immediate attention and thus being in pain or scared. Those are things worth reviewing and the answer might be a home, but it might not.

Honestly, I hope if I make it to 97 that I get to stay home eating chocolate cake and bacon because I will have earned it

A housing woman who has zero qualifications In mental health is a professional is She?

Yes. You said she had contacted social services, who will have qualifications in mental health. She is not making this decision herself.

Your attitude is really nasty. She is trying to keep your grandmother safe.

So She can turn a key - can she breathe in smoke? Run down the stairs? Find a fire escape in the dark/smoke in seconds? Get real. She has dementia, it's not just about her age.

You said she has hallucinations. What if she thinks a fire is a hallucination and doesn't do anything to escape?

I don’t see how someone ill enough to need constant care during waking hours can then be deemed safe to be able to deal with an emergency during the night.

Either your exaggerating her day time needs, or more likely, burying your head about the potential risk at night. I understand your scared to rock the boat but you need to think of everyone’s safety

Also this is a very sad fact so please stop reading now if your sensitive.

But in nursing home fires and fires with people with dementia in their own homes do you know where the biggest majority of them are found dead? In wardrobes where they hide in fear because they dont know how to escape.

No I don't loose my carers allowance because I don't claim carers Allowance!
I loose the person who is a mum to me,and I can't deal with loosing another mother!
Not again
Social services did an assessment and were happy to leave her at home
Then this woman comes along and starts sticking her nose in

You need to think about what's best for your nan. As comfortable as she is in her flat, it doesn't sound like it's a safe space for her.
The housing officer is doing her job; I for one am grateful for people who look out for other people.
I hope you're not just worried about losing out on money.

Our old next door neighbour was a very lovely independent lady. Sadly after husband died she became very ill but her son insisted that she wanted to stay in her house. She had carers four times a day though they usually only stayed for 15 - 20 minutes.

One night we could hear banging on the wall but couldn't understand really where it was coming from. Eventually we realised it was the lady next door. Phoned her son, in case she needed help. He explained that she was fine, just unsettled at night. Then one evening over Christmas we heard her shouting for help and banging on the wall. Again phoned her son. He lived near by but was in the pub and he asked if we would go in and see what the problem was. He gave us the code to the key safe and reluctantly we went in.

What i saw was sickening. This lovely lady was imprisoned in a hospital bed, with cot sides up, in her front room. She had removed her incontinence pad and thrown it across the room. The room was in darkness with just the tv on blaring out MTV ffs. She had nothing to drink and no phone to call for help. She was clearly confused and I think had been trying to get up to go to the toilet. It broke my heart to see this. I cleaned her up, changed her and her bed and got her a drink and sat with her until she was settled. My husband phoned her son and told him that he either came over there and then or we would phone for an ambulance.

This was meant to be what this lady wanted. Like hell it was. He just didn't want his inheritance spent on nursing home fees. The next day I phoned social services and reported the situation. They were under the impression the son lived here. They did an emergency assessment and admitted our neighbour to hospital. I felt terrible but how could she live there? She couldn't get to the toilet, couldn't call for help and had there been a fire she stood no chance.

Sometimes keeping someone in their home isn't the best thing for them. As sad as that may seem.

She doesn't need me alll day I choose to be with her all day because she means the world to me.
I do her meals and put her to bed yes but I choose to give her constant care

Dementia is a progressive illnesses, so no, being rehoused may not have been necessary 5 years, 1 year, 6 months ago, but it might apply now.
I do understand why you feel upset that you didn’t get any help when she was first diagnosed, but there is very little that can be done, there are very few drugs available. What they are concentrating on now is keeping her safe.

OP. Could your nan summon help during the night if for example she felt ill or had a fall?

Loosing out on money ?
Are you serious ?
I do what I do because she's my world.
I've never claimed carers allowance for her

In all honesty, it's sounds more like you're a mother to her at the moment.

Spending time with her every day is a lovely thing to do. But what happens at night if a fire does break out? She may not have a cooker but I"m assuming some or most of her neighbours do. Or a toaster? A microwave? Fridge? Washing machine?

All of these can malfunction and cause fires.

She has a telecare alarm which she now wears around her neck

but what happens if you cant care for her

you will be screaming blue murder that SS are not doing enough

i have a dad with dementa and it is a constant worry

I can only imagine how frustrating this must be, however I would urge you to try and take a step back from the situation and think objectively. You say your Grandma 'can turn a key' but that is assuming all is well and safe.

In the event of a fire with potentially smoke, heat and the noise of fire alarms and confusion, she would have to turn a key, find her way through the corridors, down the fire stairs through fire doors and out into the fire meeting point.

Even an able-bodied person may struggle in the frightening nature of a fire - the housing officer really does have your Grandma in her best interests at heart. It is amazing and no shame to say that you have enabled and helped her live at home for as long as possible in the safest way, and you should feel proud of that - though it is hard you must think about what will be best for your Grandma.

I do care for her tho,nothing will stop me.
I put her above anything else and always will

op, you won’t lose her. For one thing, she might still be allowed to stay at home - the assessment might show that she’s capable, and you can continue as you are. But if the assessment does show that she needs to be in a home, you will still be able to visit her all the time. You can still be a huge part of her life. But you will know she is safe.

It takes a village to look after vulnerable people. That village includes the housing officer. She is looking at this from a point of view she’s an expert in - whether the house is safe for an old person with dementia. She isn’t a pencil pusher or a bitch or anything awful. She’s just asking for the situation to be reviewed again, so that everyone can feel totally comfortable that your grandma is safe.

Op - do you think she would be able to safely evacuate the building by herself in the middle of the night if it was burning down, full of smoke, and nobody was there to assist her?