To be totally fed up with this?

[lindsey33]

My grandma is 97 and she has dementia.
She lives in a multi storey council property.
Her last hospital visit was 2 months ago and social services did a assessment,visited property etc and they decided she could stay at home and closed the case.
Now this busy body housing officer has turned around to me and said she doesn't think she is capable of getting out if there was a fire so has contacted social services.
So now they will open the case again and might even say she has to go into a home.
How dare she? She's lived her years and years and no fires.
She's such a bitch,I can't take no more of this stress.
Why did she have to contact social services ?
Just because she thinks as she has dementia she's a risk

Sounds like you are unhealthily dependent on her, tbh. You spend all day every day there if though you say she doesn't need you? Do you not work?
Are you worried about what you will do once she's moved?

Op im not going to slate you because obviously you are going through a bad time but i think you need to see your gp and be reffered to councilling. I understand you lost your mother and you are still clearly hurting and clinging onto the past. Your grandma is a different person now with her disease and at 97 she isnt going to be here forever. Please get some help for you as whatever happens you are going to take it very hard.

Social services did an assessment and were happy to leave her at home

And if nothing has changed, they'll likely make the same assessment again.

I've been asked to do similar assessments by housing before and it's called "positive risk taking". Sometime the risk of doing something (moving your gran) outweighs the risk of not doing it (keeping her in a home that is unsuitable). The social worker will look at the risk of moving her (disorientation leading to deterioration mental health and confusion, unhappiness, loss of family support, loss of social next work) and weigh it up against the risk of her remaining (dying in a fire, which IS the most likely outcome). They will use the likelihood of the risk (i.e. disorientation, increased confusion and deteriorating mental health are VERY likely) and weigh it up against the likelihood of her dying in the fire. Only the social worker who assess will be able to say which is most detrimental to your gran - would she prefer to die in the fire, which is low risk but serious, or would she prefer to move in to a home where she would be safe but confused/ potentially unhappy etc.

Sounds like you're having a rough time op. Not going to add anything just want to wish you both well. Sorry you're going through this. Sounds like you love her very much x

To be fair if I was 97 and it was going to be massively upsetting to move I'd rather just accept the risk of a fire than move house. However there might be other issues that mean eventually her housing is inappropriate. It would seem very odd for the housing officer to have done this malicously - surely she has a genuine concern?

Do you really think your nan (when she was able to make such decisons) would really want you to have no life? To be so dependant on her?

In the nicest possible way it sounds like it could be the best thing all around to allow you to start to build your life and go back to being granddaughter rather than full time carer.

Having no life isn’t healthy for you

I’m sorry this is clearly upsetting you so much, but you’re not losing your nan if she goes into a home. She’ll just live somewhere else.

I don't get this. You've posted several times about how the stress of caring for your grandma without any support is having a significant effect on your own mental health, yet now you're being offered help you're refusing to take it.

You really need to take care of your own health here too Lindsey. You're going to be no use to grandma if the situation does not change.

OP is she a danger to herself or anyone else? You're with her 13 hours a day, how do you manage this and fund your own life?

She's 97, has dementia and hallucinations! She's scared of people coming into her home, she's not safe without significant care.

She needs professional are and deserves that and social worker is trying to organise this.

I understand it's hard to lose people, I e lost mum, dad, nan, grandad and brother! But she's 97 and is unwell. It's a fact you have to face.

lindsey33 - why are you so worried about the social services looking at the case again? If nothing has changed since the last assessment, surely you can tell them that and the case can be closed again very quickly. Your attitude to the housing officer is a bit OTT, she is doing her job, and doing it correctly, she is not overstepping any lines. This makes me think that the stress of everything is getting to you. Perhaps take some time to look at your own needs and look after yourself as well as your lovely grandma?

username risk assessments have to include danger to the grandma as well as other people so its not as simple as shes 97 let her have familiarity. They have to take into account if a fire broke out firefighters would have to locate her and help her when she might not be able to help herself. This risks their lives too. And they cant just leave her. Its all very sad but sometimes thats the sad part of life. Things happen outside our control and it is what it is. We cant be in control of everything sadly.

Is there any possibility of getting over night care for your nan? If you can be there during the day and someone else at night maybe that will cover all risks and enable her to stay there safely?

Dementia, as you know, is a degenerative disease. She will get worse. This combined with her age means she is at risk.
Can i ask why you are so against her going into care? Does she own her own home? Is it the financial implications which are concerning you?

op you dont know that you will always be there to care,life happens

you sound very caring and it is to be commended but i think you have to look beyond your emotions

its hard caring at best add dementa and its consuming

i hope things work out for you all,you need emotinoal support to

The council cannot just put someone in a home against their wishes if they have capacity to refuse. Having dementia does not mean you do not have capacity to make choices about where you live.
PPs probably have no idea of the vast numbers of people out there living very happily in flats that they would not have a chance of evacuating in case of fire, but they have accepted the small risk (and in OPs case had it reduced further by having no cooker present) as they like it where they are in their own familiar environment. When you are elderly and have dementia, having to change your living place is seriously unsettling and results in deaths. I can't cite articles for you, but it is well known that if nursing homes close and residents have to move, a high proportion will die. It can be as simple as getting up in the night, not knowing where you are, tripping up or bumping into something, falling, head injury or broken bone, hospital stay and then curtains.
Unfair of PPs to assume OP is upset due to potential loss of benefits! It sounds like she is doing an amazing job and cares greatly about the wellbeing of her relative. She might very well have better care in the flat than she would in a resi home. And where would all these resi home beds and staff required to provide care come from if PPs scooped up all these people in protest?
For you, OP, on behalf of your relative.

@lindsey33 who gets gran out of bed in the morning?

I didnt realise you had posted about your mh before op. Please ask your gp for therapy and tell them everything you need a life too. What will you do once your grandma passes away? It sounds like you are trying to cling to her as a coping mechanism for other issues and its not healthy for either of you.

So, people can be forced into homes against their will in the U.K. do I have that right?

My mother told me this but I thought she had it wrong.

What if your put in a home and a close relative wants you to live with them for, say 6 months and you wanted this. Would that be allowed?

Social services will come in and do their job. If nothing has changed since she was last assessed, then surely there's nothing to worry about?

It sounds to me however, as though you know that things have deteriorated and are worried about the outcome of a new assessment. And that's ok. But social services will only have Grandma's best interests at heart.

When my grandparents were still alive, my uncle called the doctor out one day to see my grandad who had a chest infection. My nan at the time was relatively fit (could potter about the house, cook a meal, wash and dress etc) but the doctor was shocked by her level of dementia. She'd "fallen through the gaps" as she'd been cared for so well at home for so long, largely by my elderly grandad (with help from others - my uncle, myself, private home help lady etc). She was in a home by that afternoon and to be honest, the relief all round was immense. Yes it took some getting used to, particularly for my grandad who had lived with her for over 65 years, but knowing that she was in a place where she had round the clock care was very reassuring.

Council funded care home places are very few and far between so she would only get one if she absolutely needed one. The housing officer is doing her job and ultimately social services, the professionals, will make any judgement calls and you need to trust them to do that. Sometimes when we're so closely involved, it's difficult to see things for what they really are.

Just read your previous posts about your grandma. It sounds like being her carer has been really difficult and has taken a toll. this could be a really positive thing for you - you could have the relief and security of knowing your grandma is safe, and some time back for yourself to live your own life, maybe get a job and have some independence. I know you would give those things up in a heartbeat for your grandma, but this could be a silver lining for you.

charolais basically if mental health professionals deam someone completely unable to make their own decisions something called a dols (deprevation of liberty act) is put in place which means if they cant care for themselves and family are unable to provide adequate care arrangements yes they can be forced to move into a home.

This isn’t about your gran so what is it actually about?

There is obviously some ulterior motive going on here or you would want your gran to be safe.

If you don’t already know you need to ask yourself why you are so upset at the prospect of your gran going into a home.

Is it the inheritance? Is it about you feeling abandoned? Do you get careers allowance and will no longer get it? Will you have to find a job and you’re scared? Or have to face up to your own MH issues?

Honestly if she was my gran I would’ve been pushing for her to go into safe living arrangements years ago. How you can honestly believe an over 90 yr old with dementia could get out of their flat in the event of a fire etc is frankly ridiculous, let alone the very real possibility she might cause one!

Thank God for the social worker.

She can turn a key ..so yes she can get out in case of a fire.
My 3yo can turn a key. He obviously however lacks the cognitive ability to look after himself or get out if there’s a fire (I don’t even want to think about my baby in a fire). Many people with dementia also lack this cognitive ability.

You sound very stressed OP which is completely understandable, when was the last time you had a break?

I know how her dementia affects her

Well you know how her dementia affects her normal, day to day life but not how it would affect her in an emergency situation. We can all surmise until the cows come home about how we’d react in an emergency but the truth is we’ll never really know until actually faced with it & that’s without even taking diminished mental ability into account.