To want my child to call their Grandma, Grandma/Nan

[gimmeadoughnut123]

Long story short - we are expecting our first child and hold traditional values, so would like grandparents to have grandparent names.
My MIL has a grandchild already and he calls her something very unique/different that doesn't resemble a grandparent like title at all, it's more of a nickname.
I'm totally ok with whoever else in the family calling her whatever they want and respect that, but for us, we would like to go with something traditional. I'm concerned that this might cause upset for not only her but my B/SIL. I don't want to look like I'm 'insulting' what she is already called.
She isn't a young Nan so it's not an age thing, and she wouldn't have minded being called Nan/Grandma, if she wasn't asked if she would prefer that or to choose something different for herself.

DH agrees, but I want to avoid offending in laws if I can.

I think a grown adult gets to decide what they do/don’t want to be called.

As long as it's not mum/mummy/mama then imo she can choose what she feels comfortable with.

Why would they be 'offended'? maybe tell them you don't want to steal their kid's special nickname for your MIL? (They might even not want your kid to use it!)

‘We are expecting our first child to hold traditional values’

Unless it's something outrageous like "snuggle tits" I'd probably just let her choose her own name if it's important to her. You don't want to start off getting het up about little issues like this. There'll be far bigger ones to fall out over once baby is here!

I think you are overthinking this a bit. As long as he's not calling her mummy then what is the problem?

Surely it’s up to her what she’s called?

You have already set yourself up judging the other family member's parenting choices.

Good luck dictating what your child will call their grandma - many kids make up their own names for their granny/grandma/nan.

I think it’s up to her what she gets called, sorry!

My suggestion would be - ask your MIL what she would like your child to call her. It's polite to ask, and to be honest it's not up to you what they call her, it's up to her. I'm a grandma and I was asked by both my AC what I'd like to be called . I'm very easy going but I would have been rather annoyed if they'd dictated what I would be called.

Having a child is a wonderful time of life - don't start bad feelings by deciding what this lady is going to be called. In the greater scheme of things, it really isn't going to matter, and your "traditional values" are not needed in this situation. Save them for when it matters, not for the name someone is called.

We let the adults decide what they wanted to be called.

You may find your child chooses their own name for their grandparent, our dd did. My dh gm was Nanna and we referred to her as that to dd, my mum was also Nanna, our dd one day just started calling dh gm Nannie and it stuck.
So you can try and insist on one name but it’s possible your dc will call her the same as their cousin or chose something different.

My MIL wanted to be granny. Fine, I had no problem with that. But for whatever reason, my DD calls her Nanny. I really dislike this term for a grandparent, but I don't ever voice it.
This name is one my DD has chosen herself and it's their bond now. Won't go into what she calls her grandad!

Has there actually been a conversation in which she's said she expects your child to call her Twinkle* [or whatever unique nickname the other grandchild uses]? Do you all live very close together, meaning the cousins will be together on a daily basis?

Surely the easiest way is just to refer to the child's gran naturally as "your grandma" and allow her to say directly if she wants a different title.

If it's something really odd the child will need to learn to refer to her as "my gran" when talking about her and use her chosen name when talking to her, otherwise there's scope for confusion or teasing.

Bilingual kids automatically do this anyway (the community language when talking about someone, the native language title when talking to them) right from toddlerhood, so it's easy to hit that compromise naturally.

My MIL insisted on being called 'Goose'. I used to make DS call her nanny regardless. Used to make me cringe no end, glad we are NC now!

Good luck OP!

In my family, one is called Blue Nanma and the other one is called Longlegs Nanny. Both get frequently abbreviated to the first words/syllable!

(well obviously they aren't the exact names, but similar nonsensical vein!)

Do you not think a name borne out of love and affection between the two people involved are just as "traditional"? Or if you want to be really pernickety why not have them formally referred to as Grandmother Jane and Grandmother Nancy at all times?

I'm not dictating what she is called, but would like to feel comfortable in saying if I find a chosen name a bit much. That is our current dilemma.
Lol at people saying I'm judging people's parenting choices. Clearly that is exactly what this is about. I've clearly said I respect other people's choices, but this is my child, and I'm asking questions about my child. Not somebody else's.

@User10fuckingmillion please learn to read the original post before commenting, thanks.

Thank-you to those of you that haven't left judgemental comments.

I'm always mildly surprised at the hard official line on here that grandparents choose what to be called - there is almost no other time in personal life when people choise their own name. Names and nicknames are almost always bestowed on us in our personal lives, not chosen by us.

I think you just need to ask MIL what she wants to be called, usually it’s their choice. If you’re not comfortable with the name she’s called by other grandchildren, ask if that’s something just between them, and could she choose between the traditional names for your dc. So would she rather nan, nanny, nana, granny, grandma, etc.
Is it like Kris Jenner, who is something like “lovey” to all her grandkids, which you’d find odd?

It is your child but it's not your choice what MIL wants to be called unfortunately.

What does MIL want to be called? It's her name so her choice.

I agree they should be free to choose what they are called, however I did ask my French MiL to change from the traditional French version of Nana (Mamie) as it was too close to mummy which my DC call me and would set us all up for confusion. She agreed and chose her own alternative

I know someone who insists on being 'MeMa' to her GC, too close to mama/mummy and a bit weird imo. But each to their own, YANBU to go with a traditional name, if it upsets people then they are over sensitive.

Please understand that my situation is similar to @OlobobTop guys. I'm not insisting my kid calls them "Grandma Nancy" or whatever. I'm happy with a lot of things, any cute endearment names or variations on Nana, Nanny, Paps for Grandad - whatever - when I was a kid I came up with these things. I don't want to force upon a child whacky stuff! But if they want to do that by choice, then that's all good.

it's your dh that needs to discuss (if you both decide) and potentially upset her. It's his mum, he gets to have the conversation!

When we had DD1 my MIL was round and as leaving she suddenly announced "I'm not a nanny" and left.I was baffled.I thought she meant that she didn't want to look after her!

So dont' get at cross purposes whatveer you do !

TBH your posiiton woudn't bother me, my only stiuplation was I didn't care what they were called as long as it wasn'y the same (confusion).