To want my child to call their Grandma, Grandma/Nan

[gimmeadoughnut123]

Long story short - we are expecting our first child and hold traditional values, so would like grandparents to have grandparent names.
My MIL has a grandchild already and he calls her something very unique/different that doesn't resemble a grandparent like title at all, it's more of a nickname.
I'm totally ok with whoever else in the family calling her whatever they want and respect that, but for us, we would like to go with something traditional. I'm concerned that this might cause upset for not only her but my B/SIL. I don't want to look like I'm 'insulting' what she is already called.
She isn't a young Nan so it's not an age thing, and she wouldn't have minded being called Nan/Grandma, if she wasn't asked if she would prefer that or to choose something different for herself.

DH agrees, but I want to avoid offending in laws if I can.

My IL's got all high and mighty about 'cutesy' name like Grandma and Grandad and insisted they were called by their first names.

I didn't understand it and didn't like it - 1) that they didn't want people to know they were grandparents and 2) mocked me by wanting to be called Mummy.

Whatever...their choice.

They have been called by their first names by both my children and I've had to eat my words somewhat because I've learnt that the relationship is down to FAR more than a name and the children very soon learn this. They are very close. They know they are their grandparents. It's all fine.

What really does piss me off is when Grandad looks down on the kids calling me Mum.
e.g.
DS1 to Grandad: Yeah, Mum's just upstairs.
Grandad: Oh you mean Brave.

Or (knowing that my kids call me Mum) he'll say to DS2 "Can you ask Brave to such and such". When they were smaller they'd look a bit baffled as they didn't know who Brave was.

I've respected his wishes, so he should respect mine, and it's hardly like I'm being a deviant by my kids calling me Mum.

I would wait and see what happens.

You can refer to MIL however you like but don't be surprised if your DC come up with their own name or version of it. I also think it's unlikely that MIL will insist on using the nickname that her other DGC has - sounds as if that's special and personal to them.

In our family my grandfather was known as 'Grandad Blue door' to one DGC - often shortened to 'Blue' and it stuck for years. The rest of us called him Grandpa or Grandad.

This is crazy . I called my Grandad gang-gang until I was about 6/7. My DP doesn’t like the fact the DC call my mum Nanna, he thinks it sounds common and insists on Grandma for his Mum...

Anyway, they can be called whatever they feel comfortable with. It’s not your decision really.

On the whole I agree with PPs about grandparents choosing their own names but think there has to be some compromise.

My DFs mother was adamant she would be called Na-NAH (not sure how to write that, stress on 2nd syllable) in keeping with her general Hyacinth Bucket nonsense. Both my DPs flatly refused and compromised with Nanny.

Also I think the princes calling the Queen "Gary" because Harry couldn't say Granny is bloody adorable and I'm not a fan of the monarchy AT ALL.

I wouldn;t stress too much about it - ask her, compromise if needed and see what sticks with DC.

I’d just ask her if she wants to be called Lala (or whatever her nickname is) and if she does call her Grandma/ granny Lala when you refer to her to your child or family.

What she calls herself is beyond your control. In laws will get used to it and possibly would think it odd if you used their special nickname anyway?

I had granny Alice and Granny Liz when I was young, when we were in just that particular grannys company they both became Grandma with no added name.

My kids have a grandma (up north, usual title), Nanny (down south, again usual title regionally) and a granny (My step mum but honoured to have been bestowed any grandmotherly title)

I'm not dictating what she is called, but would like to feel comfortable in saying if I find a chosen name a bit much.

How would you feel if they said your child's name was "a bit much" and decided to call them something else?

Outpinked - my DH still calls his (now dead) grandad "gang gang" and so do his siblings! They're definitely older than 6

@SingaporeSlinky no I think lovey is cute.

Sorry you are being controlling. Its more personal if a grandparent has a nickname - how would you like it if someone decided what you were going to be called?

The name will probably evolve. We called the grandmothers Grandma first name, but my daughter couldn’t manage Priscilla and shortened it to Grandma Piss.... who then became Grandma Cilla.

When are you due? If it's concerning you so much can you speak to her ASAP?

fairies - Grandma Piss!

Um sorry OP but it's not up to you what your child calls their grandparent...

My mum has chosen a really twee alternative for her grandchildren to call her - it does make me cringe a bit, so I know how you feel.

However my mum is also an amazing grandmother whatever her name, and like others said, they get to choose.

@ShotsFired please read the rest of the thread - I have explained I wouldn't have an issue with this as it was the child's choice and invention.

@Burlea I must admit I laughed as I know the nana window song!! At least it came about in a sweet way

Grandma is better than Nan which is awful.

Or Nana - ugh.

Between my ds and siblings dc they have 4 grandparents a piece, and all see more than their “own” grandparents regularly (so ds sees my aunties and uncles a lot).
All of them made long thought out choices about what they were to be called before first grandchild. All the children seemingly have a psychic link and have used their own nicknames. Like an idiot I maintained calling everyone by their chosen name to retrain ds. Wish I hadn’t bothered because they evolve anyway.
They have a great granny too who made no such decisions and is called great granny surname but the 10 of them (most of whom she isn’t great granny too)
Family’s don’t follow rules.
How do you like this one. Ds has a T in his name and insists to every person he meets it’s dropped. Think Peter pronounced Pe’er! He doesn’t drop them generally so who knows what that’s about.

My exdp’s mum decided when ds was due that she didn’t want a traditional title, as we had used them all already in the family. That was fine with us, she could be what she wanted. As it is exdp’s brothers and sisters children now call her the same name as ds calls her. It was automatic no one really thought about it.

If you have a different name I imagine it will cause a little confusion amongst the grand children and they may use the ‘other’ name as well. But that’s just my opinion!

Knittedfairies - dying at Grandma Piss

We asked the grandparents for their preferences, and found the kids changed them once they could talk. My poor Dad is known by his first name, because the first grandchild imitated my mum when calling to him, and it stuck. "Nana and [first name]" does make it sound like he's my mum's 4th husband or something.

My feeling is to relax about it, the grandparents and the children will establish for themselves what seems right.

Thank-you to those that have read the rest of my comments and not judged - clearly I will not have an issue with my child coming up with their own nicknames for their grandparents. I did as a child.

Compromising and sticking "Grandma" on the front of their nickname actually makes it more cutesy and less like something off Britain's Got Talent.

Congratulations OP on your pregnancy, its a very exciting time for you all and I'm sure you are having to give lots of thought to all manner of things at the moment.

Have you asked your MIL what she would prefer to be called? Maybe start there and see what she says?

When your child reaches their 3rd birthday they will simply refer to everyone as 'poo poo face wee wee head mcfarty pants the second' anyway but it's good to at least try and start out as you mean to go on

Oh dear.

PFB fever right here

@SilentIsla aw I think Nan is sweet. I don't know many people that use Grandma, not sure why. I used Nan as a child, I think maybe because it was easier to say from the start.