To want my child to call their Grandma, Grandma/Nan

[gimmeadoughnut123]

Long story short - we are expecting our first child and hold traditional values, so would like grandparents to have grandparent names.
My MIL has a grandchild already and he calls her something very unique/different that doesn't resemble a grandparent like title at all, it's more of a nickname.
I'm totally ok with whoever else in the family calling her whatever they want and respect that, but for us, we would like to go with something traditional. I'm concerned that this might cause upset for not only her but my B/SIL. I don't want to look like I'm 'insulting' what she is already called.
She isn't a young Nan so it's not an age thing, and she wouldn't have minded being called Nan/Grandma, if she wasn't asked if she would prefer that or to choose something different for herself.

DH agrees, but I want to avoid offending in laws if I can.

We asked my PIL what they wanted to be called; they told us, but DS couldn't say them properly, and the words he came up with are the names which have stuck for PIL, they really don't mind, even at 18 DS still uses the names, as does DD.

A friend of mine called her grandmas Pretty Nanny and Big Nanny. Nobody wants to be Big Nanny

And OP I'd love to know what you mean by "hold traditional values"

I can't say I ever worried at all about what my children would call their grandparents. We never asked either set either.

The only thing I had in mind was that my mother had previously said that she would not want to be referred to as Nanny because it meant a female goat. We just referred to both sets as Grandma and Grandad. If necessary it was prefixed to their different surnames when further clarification was needed - e.g. Grandma and Grandad Smith or Grandma and Grandad Brown (those are not their names). Never a problem.

We never gave it any thought really, but clearly some families do. Ask your MIL whether or not she has any preferences.

@BitOutOfPractice hahaha that's cute in it's own little way. Although it does remind me of Big Mama's House!

My DN calls my DF gaga it's from when she was little and struggled to say grandad, she now calls her other grandad, grandad and is perfectly capable but still calls my DF gaga it's just their thing, I won't be teaching my baby that his name is gaga because it's a little in thing they have. If a nickname evolves so be it

@BitOutOfPractice what I mean by traditional values is that to me, personally, the parent and grandparent titles have always meant a lot. Especially as somebody that didn't have many of them around growing up (sadly they weren't with us). I can't wait to be called Mum, and have waited quite a long time for it. I'm one of those people that would prefer to be called Mum rather than my actual name - some parents encourage use of their own name from a young age. So to me, to be called Nan/Grandma/Nana/Nanan/whatever the kid ends up saying as a grandparenty thing, is sentimental and I like that. I wouldn't refer to the child's grandparents by their first name - that sort of thing. If that makes sense. I think people think I'm saying that I'm religious and strict or something.

Being polite seems like a traditional value to me, and that means asking and respecting what people want to be called.

My kids call their Grandmothers - Granny with dogs and Brenda (which drives MIL crackers but they will not be swerved - its Grandad and Brenda). You don't always get a choice

Her name is actually Brenda - not a totally random choice....

@GreatDuckCookery
Errr, my grandmother on my mum's side is Mama to all four of us grandchildren. She was going to be 'Grandma' but my eldest cousin couldn't pronounce it when he was small so those grandparents became Mama and Papa to us. There was never any confusion with our relationships with our parents, so I'm not sure why 'Mama' is a problematic grandparent name in your eyes.

OP, the story above proves what I was going to say to you: children will choose their own names for their grandparents. You can attempt to 'choose' a name but beware that it could morph into just about anything.
I also think it's nice for all grandchildren to call a set of grandparents the same thing. If I talk about our Mama with my cousin there is no confusion; we both know we are talking about the same person.

@Angelil yeah I get what you mean. That's why I might just see if she is happy for us to stick the prefix of Grandma in front of her chosen nickname.

My niece calls me Uncle Tammy and my DH Auntie Mr.Tammy. No say in it, that’s what she calls us.

If my mum were still with us my kids could call her whatever they want. This is not a bill worth dying on, OP.

My MIL likes to be called a name that sounds too much like 'mama' for my liking so I always make a point of saying 'grandma' - DD is only 4 months old but MIL can be very overbearing with her and sometimes I think doesn't realise she's our child, not hers.

Erm mama isn't a problem for me but I know from reading various threads on MN that it is for some women. They feel it is too close to mum or mummy and that is it their name not their MILs.

Ah ok, OP

Now it all becomes clear.

You didn't have the picture perfect 'granny and grandad' childhood so you're now massively projecting onto your child to recreate what you didn't have but wanted

Mine used to call their grandad 'John'

My mother desperately wanted to be Nana like her Nana, but that was desperately awkward because MIL's name was Nancy (Nan/Nanna) so she had to settle for Granny. The we couldn't refer to her as Granny or GrannyX when talking to the children - we had to refer to her as 'your grandmother' we also couldn't pronounce words the same way as the kids at school as we had to use the 'proper pronounciation'. Bloody embarrassing in deepest Lancashire

Grandparents always get called whatever the first grandchild ends up calling them, ime. I'm not a massive fan of the name FIL is called but he has two other older grandchildren so that's the way it is.

What is wrong with respecting other people's wishes on what they want to be called. With our great British values and traditions with our past history where do you start from if you want to go down the traditional route. This is my own opinion call her what she wants to be called and tell your child to show respect.

I wanted my daughter to call her grandparents Grandma/Granddad/Nanny but she had a speech delay so calls them all different names.

My favourite is Gra Grad (My granddad her Great Granddad)

The best laid plans and all that, now I just go with it...

@tenbob You are a horrible individual. Some of my grandparents died. Sorry that is viewed as not being 'picture perfect' enough for you.

YearOfYouRemember
I don't think Prince George callers the Queen, Gary. I read it is Gan-gang.

No but Harry and William still do to this day apparently. Only mentioned it because sometimes what the DC calls their grandparents sticks and I think that can be cute and special in its originality. -Certainly had a humanising effect on my view of the Queen-

That's clearly not what I said, and I'm not being horrible

But you say in your other post that your wish is entirely sentimental, based on not having your own grandparents around

So your fixation on this is quite clearly a projection from your own childhood

You can't use your children to fix things or relive your own life, and wanting to do so is going to set you and them up for a lot of problems

if she chose the nickname the other grandchildren use then you know what she wants to be called, and is called. Why make an issue of this? Refer to her as Granny whatever in your own house and in your own time if you want, but honestly I think it's a bit rude and disrespectful to change the name because you don't like it. Would you do that with anyone else?

My partner grew up with no grandparents they stayed in Jamaica. My partner never went around telling our children to call my parents or his grandma or whatever. Getting your child from nought to 18 and beyond will be more important to you than what you are thinking now about grand parents. Honestly you will think how your parents done it.