To hate when people are clearly trying to suss out what social class you are?

[pukkapad]

I often have to attend black tie dinners etc for networking for work. It's part of the job, albeit pretty nice.

Over the years I've noticed a clear set of questions people ask when they are trying to ascertain what social class you are, how rich/posh you are, your background, how you fit in with them etc.

Do you like to ski? Where have you travelled to? Where are your parents based? (NEVER where are you from) How well do you know London? Oh it's like boarding school!

Gosh it gets so tiring. They're clearly only interested in you if you are similarly living off 'London money' and do things "properly".

Am I the only one that gets sick of people trying to find out what your social class is? No I'm not aristocratic nor rich, I'm solidly middle class but who cares!

Yeah I never go to stuff like that. No one even cares enough to try and “suss out” my social class.

Gosh I’ve never experienced this, and I used to attend a lot of black tie dinners/networking events.

Just thank your lucky stars you are not Working Class as you’d have the Upper and Middle classes looking down on you

I'm solidly middle class but who cares!

Well clearly you do, or else none of this would bother you!

I can't say I've ever really come across it either.

Can't say anyone has ever tried to suss out my social class. People do sometimes ask what you do and where you come from as a way of breaking the ice - or because they can't think of anything else to say. I never ask those questions.

I hate it. Its one reason i love living abroad as people are unable to find out. I had one exes friends asking my parents street adress!!! And when i tried to be vague they accused me of lying about growing up in a nicer quarter of the city where in fact i did grow up but it was none of their business. Weirdos! Who the hell cares where someones parents house is.

Yes this happened to me at uni. I brought a girl back to my perfectly normal family semi just outside Manchester centre and they seemed slightly distressed

It is v english. I had a mc upbringing in another country but i was perceived to be wc in the uk. I could see right through so much posturing and delusion.

God what a boring bunch of people asking such questions. I feel for you OP having to entertain such nonsense. I've no idea what 'class' I am. Since when was skiing or being shoved off to boarding school 'posh' things to do?

I'd give deliberately contradictory answers just to mess with them.

Id never ask ' what do you do?'.
Most people dont feel their job defines them. Say what do you like about it?

Oh I would have to invent some ridiculous answers that totally confused them just to see their faces trying to work it out

I’m a bit naughty and I think I’d actually lie just to wind people like that up I’d tell them I was either super posh or born in prison or something.

I don’t think anyone can work out what class anyone is anymore really. I come from a very middle / upper middle class background but our family is very poor now due to disabilities and long term health issues. We still all sound very posh - people always say we do anyway!- but we are low income, managing on tax credits and income support etc but living in owned houses. God knows where anyone would put us now. Maybe finances have nothing to do with it anyway. Such a weird thing, isn’t it...!

Xpost snuggy

I don’t attend events like that, so no - I haven’t experienced this.

I don’t doubt that some people are doing it. But I would consider that you’re hyper sensitive / hyper vigilant to it, and are now confirming your expectation when it’s just general conversation.

If you are trying to make small talk, and 90% of people in that group have skied, then asking about skiing may not be to sniff out the 10% - just small talk that will work with most of the people.

Where I live, everyone talks about extensions / building work. It isn’t because they’re sussing out the renters to avoid - it’s becayse their social experience is that everyone owns - and everyone has cash for home improvements!

Been to dozens of similar things, never ever had those questions.

Suggest the chip on OPs shoulder might be blurring her hearing.

I'd claim my dad's a bin man but also claim to have grown up in a mansion and gone skiing every Christmas.

Wasn’t there an online quiz linked on MN a while back that figured out quite well which British social class you were? I remember it put me as lower middle, which is a fairly accurate description of my upbringing. Maybe you could find it and get everyone to do it on their phones out (though phones out at dinner is probs very middle-middle to lower middle).

The type of people who will ask these questions are upstarts who are so insecure in their own class they want to understand if you are “lesser” than them so they feel more secure or “better” than them so they can use you for their social climbing agendas.

I once went to a party at 'my husband is a Wing Commander' house.

I was asked severel times where I lived... not an unusual question usually but I know I was being sussed out as airman or officers wife

We moved to a village years ago where the mothers at the village school asked questions like these to the newbies in the village. I'm sure it was to gauge whether you'd fit into their social circle. I couldn't be bothered to play the game so was never admitted in to the inner sanctum and had to remain firmly on the fringes with only a cursory hello from time to time. Personally I think I had a lucky escape

One past acquaintance from University accused me of putting on a 'posh' voice after visiting my home. This was after knowing me for a full year!

I recently was on the receiving end of having my class sussed out, but from the opposite end of the spectrum, during an informal chat about taking on extra work for a company I am temping for. After asking me where I grew up, in which part of London I was born, and a few other questions, he concluded I was 'a posh girl.'

Well, compared to him, I suppose I am, though I am in my mid 50s so none of it seemed relevant and the girl bit was laughably inaccurate.

And yes, he is a tit to work for. I should have sussed him out while he was sussing me out. Thank God it is only temporary.

Just make shit up.

Where do you ski? Aspen with the Connecticut Guggenheims.

Where did you go to school? Bedales until i was expelled for making apple pie beds, then Oundle.

Where do your parents live? Mother's in St Lucia, father lives at Her Majesty's pleasure near Dartmoor.

What's your husband's job? He is chairman of the Whippet's Club in Eccles.

Just spout BS - much more fun!

A lot of that just sounds like small talk, trying to find something that you can chatter about. What sorts of things do you say in return? Or what sorts of things do you say as ice-breakers?