To hate when people are clearly trying to suss out what social class you are?

[pukkapad]

I often have to attend black tie dinners etc for networking for work. It's part of the job, albeit pretty nice.

Over the years I've noticed a clear set of questions people ask when they are trying to ascertain what social class you are, how rich/posh you are, your background, how you fit in with them etc.

Do you like to ski? Where have you travelled to? Where are your parents based? (NEVER where are you from) How well do you know London? Oh it's like boarding school!

Gosh it gets so tiring. They're clearly only interested in you if you are similarly living off 'London money' and do things "properly".

Am I the only one that gets sick of people trying to find out what your social class is? No I'm not aristocratic nor rich, I'm solidly middle class but who cares!

Yes asking where you went to school is sussing you out.
I had this a bit when younger, but never had it for years. Shame as I am now confident enough to play games with it.

Only arseholes ask me things like this. I usually respond with either a "Why?" and a hard stare, or a, "Why does that interest you so much" and a look of pity. I have no time for people who think they are above others.

I really can't understand why people are bothered by class. There are cunts in every class and they're usually the ones asking these sorts of questions.

The majority of times I have experienced this in a "formal" setting have been big black tie charity events rather than networking events

I’ve never been asked where I went to school! Not that ‘a nondescript comp in the Midlands’ would be an exciting answer. DH on the other hand went to a fairly well known private school.... I’ve just asked and he says he can’t recall ever being asked where he went to school either. And he spends a large proportion of his life at black tie networking events!

I’ve been to lots of posh dinners. I get lots of questions that ‘reveal’ my ‘social status’. People are just trying to make conversation and find areas of common ground. Inevitably this involves details of holidays or occupation or background. Doesn’t mean the person has an ulterior motive. Often they just know the art of making conversation.

Yeah, I've had this. Grew up on a council estate, came into a fair bit of money at a young age. Add to that the fact that I have a degree and a profession and you can practically see smoke coming out of people's ears as the cogs whirr round.

Used to hate it, now I find it funny. Silly sods.

I agree it is a particular type. I certainly can tell when it's for sake of conversation too.

The type generally seems to be lives/lived in West London, their parents made money in the city and sent them to Pauls, Westminster etc. Yet forget that money is easier to make to that level in London. Quite a few have parents who've done well for themselves coming from working class/middle class backgrounds, and good for them.

I've socialised with a few real old money, titled people from outside of London and they're completely normal and lovely.

I so knew you were a lawyer as soon as I read the OP. I get this a lot. Also a lawyer. I'm a total anomaly to them. Grew up very working class, from Northern Ireland (and therefore cannot be posh 🙄) went to a poly uni and then I had the nerve to get a training contract at one of the worlds largest law firms and have since worked in Hong Kong and Dubai (this is not a boast at all although I can see it looks that way, merely facts) but it drives them mad and I get the "oh you must've slipped through the net" comments. No dear, just worked my ass off and didn't have to rely on daddies network or nepotism.

Just smile and let them get on with it. I couldn't care less if I fit in their stupid club, I'm still here on merit so I'll do it to spite them.

I love this game! It’s one of my favourite things about the British. The reason you don’t like it is because you haven’t been playing properly. Essentially, the only people who initiate the game are lower class and insecure. So the aim of the game is to punish them for breaking social norms by playing on their insecurities.

I've no way of knowing if it's true or not, but I remember reading in one of these 'stuff that really annoys you' books that a lot of men who went to Eton will refer to it throughout their lives simply as 'School' - as in asking of a new acquaintance, "Did he go to School?" (as opposed to "OUR school" or "school WITH US") Presumably, because the many state comps and grammars (and other independent ones, for that matter) CLEARLY cannot reasonably be deemed worthy of the description.

@Racecardriver I could have typed that myself! 100%

Aren't they just asking questions?

It sounds like you're a bit paranoid about it. But then, the middles always are, aren't they.

I'm as working class as can be (plus rural for some bonus points) and even though I am chippy as fuck, someone asking if I ski or if I know London wouldn't get my back up.

I am poverty class. But someone asking where you went to school is not thinking of an ordinary comp they have never heard of.

The thing is, OP, you come across as rather wanting us to know that you're are definitely definitely middle class too. Reeling off names of public schools (not everyone cares about them, I bet most couldn't name any outside Eton), talking about socialising with old money, talking about 'west London' etc.

I think you're honestly just as bad as them.

I once went to a party at 'my husband is a Wing Commander' house

Those types do make me chuckle. Not to denigrate families where one parent doesn’t work so they can care for the kids, but women using their husband’s job as a way of elevating themselves socially is funny, I usually respond with ‘yes, but what about you?’ I’ve even witnessed ‘so what do you do with yourself?’ polite convo at a party being replied to by a woman with ‘my husband is a surgeon’, which was a fairly odd answer and made her look equal parts insecure and snobby.

Its one reason i love living abroad as people are unable to find out

Its not that they are unable to find out, it's more a case of they don't care what class you are in.

abacucat sure, but who cares, honestly? It's just a question and you can either let it bother you or not. I'm not saying class divisions don't exist (they do) but whatever to people's questions.

I have spent most of my adult life living in Asia, so I'm a bit outside the class system now, I think, people definitely don't know how to take it because all the markers get messed up eg skiing is no big deal in many countries here, it's accessible for all, so yes, I can ski. My daughter goes to an international school daycare because it's affordable here so a lot of her classmates are posh as hell.

My husband's Asian and he really does not understand the British obsession with class - he's just glad that he's not eating one bowl of rice per day like his parents were. There is really no class distinction here - wealth distinction, sure, but no one cares where the wealth came from.

This is where "lying" can be invaluable

I am sure they (this particular type) are not just asking questions to be friendly. However I don't really mind it - I think it's funny and always have. I'm fine with both my working class and middle class roots, my state school and my relative lack of wealth. When people used to ask me The Questions at university, then I could see the "fail!" look on their face and they'd wander off - well I was glad they'd just ruled themselves out of being friends with me, because they were obviously shallow.

And I think OP is pissed off with it because as she says it's wearying and dull and irritating, not because she cares what class she is.

I must admit, I have told people that I went to a "special school", do I have extra needs? A brilliant school? What's special about it!

I've never had this at a business event. But I am quite confident and older, 54, so I don't think I give off the vibe that this is the kind of questioning I would be on for.

HOWEVER, round us we have experienced some judging-by-size-of-house stuff. We live in a farm labourer's cottage but are well educated with children both studying for the professions. People seem genuinely surprised to hear this, and to hear my husband's very RP accent. Until recently he also owned a large house in Scotland, where his father was a bit of a local bigwig. People assess us by our modest cars and house, which is fine by us, as it gives us clear warning of those whose values aren't ours.

dgr but why? If someone pegs you as being gasp not as posh as them, what is so bad about that?

I am proud of being working class, I'm proud that I've made my own money, that I've had very few leg ups but still here.

No one is ever going to make me feel bad or to pretend I'm something I'm not. That's just giving them more power over me than they already have.

My DH works for the sister company of an extremely snobby place and they have to share offices. The Director of the company is from one of oldest money families in the UK. He won't even look at DH if they happen to pass in the toilet or are in the lift together. We always joke that MD is terrified that he might 'catch poor'.

Hisaishi I wouldn't care now. As a young twentish year old, feeling unconfident in a professional setting after being brought up in poverty class, it was just another reminder that I "did not belong".
Now I would play games with them.

What I love about these threads is all the people shoehorning in the fact that they don't CARE about class obviously, but you know, they are a little bit posh just so you know...