To hate when people are clearly trying to suss out what social class you are?

[pukkapad]

I often have to attend black tie dinners etc for networking for work. It's part of the job, albeit pretty nice.

Over the years I've noticed a clear set of questions people ask when they are trying to ascertain what social class you are, how rich/posh you are, your background, how you fit in with them etc.

Do you like to ski? Where have you travelled to? Where are your parents based? (NEVER where are you from) How well do you know London? Oh it's like boarding school!

Gosh it gets so tiring. They're clearly only interested in you if you are similarly living off 'London money' and do things "properly".

Am I the only one that gets sick of people trying to find out what your social class is? No I'm not aristocratic nor rich, I'm solidly middle class but who cares!

Yep exactly.

We all are what we are - can't help it! And some people on this thread have said they're 100% working class and proud of it.

And very posh, upper class people can be extremely friendly and not give a shit about your background - they don't all do it. It's a particular type.

Also agree with this.

You can tell the ones who are desperate to 'prove' they are 'posh,' or upper-middle class, or upper class. They constantly try to impress people with their 'wealth,' and talk about money, their house value, their earnings, the 'expensive' holiday they went on, how their husband has a 'long commute' and his 'mid 5 figure bonus' etc. And they look down on people who have a small house, and an 'unskilled labour' job, and go to Rhyl for their holiday. And they ALWAYS manage to slip into the conversation that they are middle class...

Proper posh, well-off people don't ever talk or brag about ANYthing they have. They muck in with village events, they wear tatty clothes and wellies to muck out the horses, and they will chat to anyone, and they certainly never talk about money or the value of anything they have. It's incredibly vulgar to do that, and makes you look desperate to prove something.

The majority of these type of 'wannabes' are up to their eyeballs in debt.

Have to agree with a few posters though @pukkapad - YOU seem a little desperate for people to know you are 'middle class.' I just think anyone who is, shouldn't have to SAY they are. When I met a man in my village walking around in old shabby clothes, covered in mud where his dogs had jumped up him, and with muddy wellies where he had been walking around the fields with them, he was just polite and courteous and asked me if I had just moved here. Turns out he was a multi millionaire, from a family of wealthy people, with a huge farm, and 100 acres of land.

Did he walk up to me and say 'hi, I'm Arthur, I am super fucking rich, I have 100 acres of land and a five million pound farm, and I am upper class, so bow down to me!' Nope. He didn't need to prove anything, or announce he is rich and upper class. Saying 'I am solidly middle class' in your OP (and that you went to a 'brilliant' school') makes you look as bad as the people you're slating tbh.

Yanbu

It’s not just being asked it’s the assumptions people make... in Scottish and therefore people assume I’m from a working class background. Not that it matters but I’m ridiculously middle class, privately educated, sail, ski etc I’m a walking cliche. just because I have a Scottish accent many people try to talk to me in a slightly patronising way. One girl at uni once asked if I was the first generation of my family to go to uni! Wtf cheeky cow!

This has never happened to me! I can't even imagine any situation in which it could.

abacucat meh, I really never cared and playing games just shows you still do. Better just to answer their questions and move on.

We all are what we are - can't help it! And some people on this thread have said they're 100% working class and proud of it.

Probably because they are sick of the fake middle classes looking down their nose at them!

This has never happened to me, but I have silenced a room by saying that I'd never been to the south of France. For everyone else there it was clearly the 'default' childhood holiday when their family couldn't be arsed/couldn't afford a 'better' one.

It also usually becomes abundantly clear that my childhood was less Mallory Towers and more Wayne and Waynetta when I list all the sweets and junk food I used to consume as the bulk of my diet and people from middle-class families look blank or envious because their parents used to feed them fruit and whole-bran cereal and stuff.

I'm quite well-read, have a good vocabulary, am fairly well-informed about 'culture' like theatre, art etc, and people sometimes find it quite hard to reconcile this with the fact that I ate all this junk food, went on holiday to a caravan in Skeggy if I was lucky, and attended a sink comprehensive.

I also enjoy telling people from households where university was an aim or a given that my mother thought I was 'above my station' for wanting to go to uni and didn't want me to because 'education isn't for the likes of us.' I can see the gears in their brains spinning and sticking and struggling.

laur why? Is there something wrong with being the first in your family to go to university? Is that something we should be ashamed of, or that it would be shameful to be picked up on?

I'm first in my family to go to university and I am proud.

Laurg

I was in the first generation of my family to go to university. I don't get the insult. Why was she a cheeky cow?

I got it a lot at uni and in my London job. Now live in South Wales and it no longer happens.

I field these sorts of intrusive questions all the time, it's irritating and I always think the person asking is pathetic. I have been mocked a lot for having a 'posh' voice, and people find it jarring because I'm 23 and have a toddler but look a lot younger, so people expect me to be very working class having had a child so young. Then the questions start about school, travel, parents etc. But it is useful in a way, because I can avoid socialising with pathetic judgey people who care about class. I have friends who hail from council estates and country estates, where someone comes from doesn't matter to me, and it doesn't dictate how someone is as a person. People who care about this stuff aren't worth a moment of my time.

I think very posh upper class people are good at pretending that they don’t care about your class but they do and they will never let you into their inner circle if you aren’t one of them.

Thye are just trying to find common ground wiht you in a small talk situaiotn.

Running through topics they feel they can connect on... skiing holidays, areas of London, house extensions, another area of the country they might know re whee your parents are from.

I'm not sure what you expect people TO talk about at a networking/charity dinner?

I have had this. But I like to have fun and make up a whole background.

When asked where I live I keep it vaguish, with some truth and to things I know, like Daddy is in Florida doing something with an alligator.
Mummy is between houses and is on holiday and I have property in the north east but have lived for a few weeks in Buckinghamshire. I don’t know if I will stay there though

As long as you are confident and have a reasonable knowledge about places, pastimes or things you can convince anybody anything.
Asked about what my father was doing with an alligator i replied with “God knows darling. What do you do with an alligator. Knowing daddy probably wrestling it or teaching it to play chess”

Sometimes they do look at you strangely as they can’t be quite certain that you are talking a load of BS or you are telling the truth.
Either way do and I used to have a huge laugh in the way home

Haha hisaishi, so true!! Sadly I have no posh "lineage" so can't join in dropping in my family tree😁

I’m a highly skilled professional and attend posh do’s sometimes.

I’m also a cockney form a working class background and probably know London better than the people you’re talking about

sushi well obviously not the same as we talk about at working class dinners (aka teas) where we talk about our greyhound races and flatcaps and how many sugars we take in our tea (7000).

I think people are being a bit odd having a go at OP for stating she’s MC in her OP and acting as if it’s because she wants everyone to know she’s MC, surely it’s relevant? As if OP was WC her post would have a completely different tenor to it and be about middle to upper class people judging her for being WC.

She’s making the point that even though she comes across as not being working class, they still are asking questions to try and pinpoint her standing further.

Or am I just being thick? People get really funny on MN any time someone discloses what class they are (or believe they are), even when it’s in a thread about class!

When I meet new people I will often ask question a) where do you live?followed by b) where are you from originally? Where I live these days there are a huge number of people who are born & bred and therefore quite often ‘have enough friends in their lives’ and aren’t as keen to make new ones. Those who are also ‘incomers’ like me are usually (not always obvs) much more keen to make new connections and it gives us something (and a series of conversation) in common to start from.
When cornered by the uber wealthy brigade (& I would describe them as this not ‘posh’!!) I have also been know to make shit up to keep myself amused at their dreary competitive bollocks😳😆

Q.Do you like to ski?
A Yes. I like Strawberry and Raspberry
Q Where have you travelled to?
A. the foot of our stairs.
Q Where are your parents based?
A Six feet under.
Q How well do you know London?
A. Very well. I never miss Eastenders.

fear It's not cos she's mc, it's cos she's very showily mc, I guess. Name dropping public schools etc. It just comes across a bit showy offy to me and mostly irrelevant to the thread.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-22000973

You're welcome

@laurg

Not that it matters but I’m ridiculously middle class, privately educated, sail, ski etc I’m a walking cliche.

LOL.