To hate when people are clearly trying to suss out what social class you are?

[pukkapad]

I often have to attend black tie dinners etc for networking for work. It's part of the job, albeit pretty nice.

Over the years I've noticed a clear set of questions people ask when they are trying to ascertain what social class you are, how rich/posh you are, your background, how you fit in with them etc.

Do you like to ski? Where have you travelled to? Where are your parents based? (NEVER where are you from) How well do you know London? Oh it's like boarding school!

Gosh it gets so tiring. They're clearly only interested in you if you are similarly living off 'London money' and do things "properly".

Am I the only one that gets sick of people trying to find out what your social class is? No I'm not aristocratic nor rich, I'm solidly middle class but who cares!

I grew up in Scotland but live down South. I feel classless - people don't seem to judge me on that basis (thankfully).

My parents had a newsagent shop. Mum had been a teacher but gave it up when I was born. Working class I suppose.
I got a job in a very snobbish place. I hadn't realised when I started how bad it would be. People feeling sorry for me for never going skiing or not having a pony growing up.
I got sick of the "what does your father do?"
Question. Even my answer, "nothing he died of cancer" didn't put them off.
My stock answer then became, "he was in media distribution with a staff of 28."
It is was true...the staff were paper boys delivering the local papers!

I love the thought of people all trying to find out where they are in the pecking order - I tend to just sit back and watch ! Let them wonder - rather than opening my mouth and removing all doubt !!!

I go to stuff like this ALL the time because of my job and not once I have encountered that kind of twattery.

Most people at the black tie events I go to are there because they are wealthy. Some of them are self-made, some of them are family money but no one gives an actual fuck if you like ski-ing or where your parents are based unless you have a good story to tell about those things.

I think that kind of questioning comes from socially insecure people because they want to ensure they are higher up the pecking order than someone else

The genuinely wealthy, powerful or socially secure don't care.

Just ignore their questions and show them a photo on your phone of your outside tin bath - full of coal - save everybody from wasting their time!

I don't socialise in circles where those types of questions are asked.

Depending on where I am at the time, I am often asked, "Where did you go to school?" as soon as I open my mouth. I also get, "Where are your children at school" now at dinner parties etc. It is pretty dull, but people like to put other people into categories. I don't think its about looking up to or down on other people, its just human nature to want to categorise new things (people, in this case).

I've not either, but then I don't sound posh at all, but we are quite well off.

What do you do for a living OP? Is it something like publishing where its traditionally been an upper class job.

I have attend alot of black tie, industry type dinners over the years. I have to say no one has ever been interested in my social class. Most of these type of events are awards, industry, networking or client/supplier entertainment. The majority of people there are really only interested in building relationships to help further their own business interests.

It sounds like you are looking too much into what most people consider small talk at these types of events. Casual conversation, nothing more.

I once went to a party at 'my husband is a Wing Commander' house.

This reminded me of the silly but still never fails to make me chuckle old joke about the two women who meet at a social event and end up talking about their holidays:

W1: "We go on at least a dozen cruises every year - but then, my husband DOES work for Cunard."

W2: "So, does mine, you stuck-up cow - it's not his fault that he's only on minimum wage!"

Maybe I am reading too much into this, but it seems others have noticed too.

I'm a lawyer. Maybe that's got something to do with it.

I went to oxbridge and used to get a lot of this. A certain group of champagne socialist types would then WANT to be friends with me once they had established I was a pleb and went to state school :o while the rest never spoke to me again.

Unless it's obvious, I've never been good at identifying class, maybe because I'm a mixture (one quite posh southern parent, one very working class northerner) - but ex used to remark on it. "Oh yes they'll obviously get on, they're clearly from the same type of lower MC background" he would go. I'd be like "are they?!"

I've never experienced it in your setting but I have had reception/security workers at a large UK media company stare me down and snigger when I signed in. I was wearing a vintage sweatshirt, a beanie, jeans and trainers. It was raining and freezing. When I left they watched with awe as I collected my fairly new dream car and purposefully drove out the exit past reception. I hate how people judge your class/wealth on what you're wearing or what your career is. I do think it's insecurity because, not to blow my own trumpet or anything, I'm definitely more successful than those that were sniggering at me. I think they knew that because they knew what I was visiting for. If it's not insecurity then it's just been drilled into them that's what they need to be asking by others or their families. Or they're just a massive snob!

haha! Perhaps it's an Oxbridge thing too then, I'd say a good 60-70% of them are also grads. I found it there too.

Yes, only posh people ever ask me where I went to school. I get it a lot from my husbands wider social circle.

Never happened to me.

Although I have encountered a few people who seem desperate to 'prove' that they are upper middle class (they never are!) They can't wait to tell you about their holiday in a villa in Provence. Or brag about their 4 bed detached executive home (that they have a mortgage on til they're 99.) Or that their PFB is on a gap yar in West Africa..... yawn...

OP are you sure they're not just making conversation?

As for I've never experienced it in your setting but I have had reception/security workers at a large UK media company stare me down and snigger when I signed in. I was wearing a vintage sweatshirt, a beanie, jeans and trainers - I find this really odd. It sounds like you were wearing what most people who work in media wear to work

I think people in the UK think others are more interested/obsessed with class than they actually are...

Hate it. I never go to these things any more - not least because my work no longer requires me to and I haven't lived within shouting distance of London for many years and they all seemed to be based there. Although I used to enjoy the looks on their faces giving the answers because my life hasn't been the standard "posh girl" route.

The reality was, in terms of family "line" (ridiculous) yes I was "posh" (and sound it) because my parents had money and came from money. They were also magnificent parents who made us all (I and siblings) get jobs from the earliest possible age along side our studies, manage our own money, if we wanted "things", we worked and saved for them and I am eternally grateful to my folks. I've had some amazing life experiences and enjoyed them all the more because they were hard won, and I love the fact I don't really fit in at those silly events. We were not sent to public school but went to the local (albeit excellent) schools, we are all educated to post graduate levels, have all ended up as public sector working lefty liberals, and when we all get together for xmasses and special occasions (sadly not more often as we are scattered around the country) the dining table is surrounded with interesting debate, laughter and good red wine long in to the night. My parents are happily making the most of their money, spending their retirement travelling the world, bringing the grandchildren exotic gifts from afar and I say good for them. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I am guilty of negatively judging anyone who seized upon my family "lineage" as a point of interest and always enjoy the look of disappointment when they find out I was schooled at the local comp 😁

pukka spent 20 years in the financial sector and outside of sector specific events our industry sectors will cross a lot at these type of events. I really think you are looking into this way too much. A lot of the points you make above are stock questions these people are probably asking everyone they don’t really know at the event. And they probably don’t really care about your response. It really is just smell talk to avoid the silences.

First question to me at village school gate was, "What does one's husband do?" As he has a fairly obscure job that not many people know about or understand she was a bit taken aback.
Previously we lived in a village near an Air Force base where most mums mucked in and supported each other.
Luckily with in the week I met a mum who has been my best friend for 30 years.
I can't stand it. I don't like retired people who use their job titles in real life either. We have one up the hill who is still called the Major and he has been out of the army for at least 40 years! My dad hated this too and he had a title and used to purposely call everyone by their name if they address him by title. The thing was he was still working in that job and one of them a Squadron Leader had been out for 20 years but always liked to be addressed by title. As a teenager it used to make me giggle when dad purposely returned the greeting by calling him by his first name.
The Major and his wife don't like the people across the green from me. They are lovely people but he is a self made millionaire whereas they are 'old money' inherited property. Guess which family I like more. Their kids used to play at our house most days.

I’ll be honest I’m pretty fascinated by class. I grew up in Wales where it’s still a thing (I got teased in school for “talking posh” and my husband got relegated to bottom set for coming from a poor family and not being polished even though he is wicked smart) but nothing like to the degree it’s a thing in England.

I disagree, I know when this is being done to me, and when people are just making conversation. There is a certain way they ask, like they are not chatting as such, they just need the info.

And very posh, upper class people can be extremely friendly and not give a shit about your background - they don't all do it. It's a particular type.

I've been to lots of these black tie networking type things, would agree with a pp that most people are there trying to drum up business for their organisations by making small talk rather than socially judge (unless they are completely socially inept themselves of course!)

And very posh, upper class people can be extremely friendly and not give a shit about your background - they don't all do it. It's a particular type.

Definitely agree

Good for them Anastasia they sound lovely, sensible people. Our village school had architects, solicitors, teachers, farm owners and workers and the kids all had a great time. When DD went it changed as several from the city came out to our quaint school and the PTA was more like oneupmanship.