To not 'do' Dsis' hen activity?

[henhelppls]

DSis is getting married next year and I'm one of two bridesmaids. Despite me having postnatal depression, a young baby, a pre schooler with ASD and living over 100 miles away I've just been told that I should be organising the hen do. DSis then created a WhatsApp group with all the people she wants to come (over fifteen) and left.

She's told me that she wants to do a certain activity during the day, then a certain type of food thing, then drinking.

I'm overweight and really, really nervous about the activity. It's quite strenuous. I don't want to do it, I don't think I actually could it even if I wanted to. But I obviously don't want to let DSis down and to give her what she wants.

AIBU to ask to skip this bit?

Actually AIBU to say to the WhatsApp group 'this is all a bit difficult for me to organise from so far away, could somebody help me please?'

I’d say just explain to your sis. She might actually think you would have been offended if she didn’t ask you to organise the hen do so she felt obliged to ask you.

Good point, Olu123

I suspect your sister has gotten carried away with her wedding and isn't thinking about what a big ask it is to arrange a hen weekend. You have a DS, a younger baby and PND and live a long drive away. Of course you don't have to leave your DC/baby overnight to go to Hen weekend or organise it. PND doesn't make anything easy.

My DSis didn't come to my Hen night! She told me upfront she didn't want to be a BM either. She doesn't have reasons you do (no DC) but didn't fancy it and of course I respected that!!

Please text your Dsis to let her know you're unable to organise/come to her Hen weekend but are looking forward to her wedding and hope her hen celebrations go brilliantly!

@Italiangreyhound hence I said 'I don't know if you have the mental space for just the planning' - it just felt from OP replies that she was reluctant to ditch it all and cause a backlash - that can be an equally difficult thing to deal with when your MH is not right (or at any time!)

I just outlined a lower stress alternative if she doesn't want to drop out altogether.

Obviously the ideal is to duck out OP, if you are able to cope with the possible response as you've said she isn't very reasonable. However maybe she'll surprise you.

MyKingdomForBrie of course you are entitled to share ideas for what could be done. I just felt concern that the OP has made a fairly clear picture of how she has many demands on her both physically and mentally.

All attempts at doing part of the job or gettimg others to do it coukd lead to additional stress. I do understand how dropping out completely could also lead to additional stress for the OP so that is a very fair point.

My own view is the OP should remove berself from all duties and focus on her health. But you are right to pull me up, eveeyone has a right to a view here.

I agree with PP - say clearly and honestly to your dsis that you are struggling as it is and you are very sorry but you can't arrange her hen do but you will of course support her on her wedding day. Don't try and part organise it. Yes she'll be annoyed but she'll be more annoyed if you don't say anything and then it goes wrong much nearer the time. She just doesn't get it, and that's ok. Hope you have the support you need. Look after yourself.