I don’t want DD to change her name.

[LemonBeachTowel]

DD is 13. She had recently been saying she wants to change her first name as it is “old fashioned” and says that with our surname it sounds like an old ladies name. I’m heartbroken as it is a name we picked for her because we loved it. We can’t really shorten her name and we’ve never used the associated nickname. I just can’t my head around calling her something else. AIBU to keep calling her by her name?

We have a Rose too, so I would feel the same. 😂 Just say you're happy for her to call herself whatever she likes amongst friends, and if she still feels this way when she is legally an adult she can change it.

Haven’t RTFT but a Rose by any other name... 😁🙄😂

It’s a lovely name IMHO. I’m with those who say to tell your DD that she is entitled to change it when she is older, or compromise by using the middle name.

Not to be facetious, but they do say “a Rose by any other name would smell as sweet”.

I would ask her to think about it for 6 months and if she’s still keen to change her name to agree to it verbally. And if she still wants the new name when she’s 18 that you’d appreciate Rose being a middle name.

I struggled with my name growing up as people always either mispronounced it or spelled it wrong. (It is not a very common name but not totally 'out there' either). As a teenager my friends came up with a nickname which stuck & I have gone by ever since in my work & personal life. My parents don't really like it but they call me by my real name (which I like as a name but just got fed up with having to correct people all the time) and I'm happy with this. I wouldn't change my name officially and am starting to feel like my full name is quite special as lots of people don't know about it and are always quite surprised and interested when I tell them.

My DS13 wanted to change his name. I agreed, no problem. As soon as I agreed, he dropped the subject. It seems like it was more of a 13 year old protest. When it didn’t get a reaction, he lost interest.

All these posters talking about how having a name you don't like being 'soul destroying' and how 'it's not about you'!!!

I'm shocked. These people must be the precious snowflake brigade who bend to their children's every whim instead of reigning them the hell in.

When I was a teenager I hated my name, like lots of other teenagers, and wanted to change it to Dominique because it was in fashion that week. 'Tough shit!' said Mum (or the age appropriate equivalent) and so I stropped off to promptly forget about my name change and think of something else to be dramatic about.

So, you see, it IS about OP because she is the PARENT, her DD is the CHILD, and so it is up to OP to parent her DD and make sensible decisions on her behalf. IE:
'Can I get my nose pierced?' No.
'Can I drop Maths GCSE ' No.
'Can I spend the premium bonds Nan left me on a £500 Moncler coat?' No
'Can I forever change my identity and carry round a deed poll and birth certificate and explain my name change in every future application for ID, because I want the latest trendy name?' No.

@LadyPamplemousse What are you on about?!

Which post in particular has caused you to use a question mark as well as an exclamation mark? You must indeed be distressed.

LadyPamplemousse
Bông hồng is a magnificent name, definitely going on the list for my next child!

So bizarre. There are some decisions it is absolutely fine for children to make about themselves. And what they are called is surely one of them? As I said, my step nieces and nephews all changed theirs before going to secondary school. My own ds rejected my preferred shortening of his name at the age of 5. Why on earth would you say no?

I'm glad to have helped!

Rose is a very feminine pretty name.

The only Rose I’ve known was a butch lesbian. She really ‘owned’ the disparity between the prettiness of her name and her style, but I got the feeling there was an edge of resentment there. Don’t think she really felt it fit her.

Like PP’s have said, smile sweetly, promise to try out calling her Ava, but say she can’t legally change it right now. Say you want her to think about it for 6m, and that you will think about it as well (as changing now requires your consent). Also point out if you don’t consent you’re sure she can change it as an adult.

I remember briefly wanting to be called Emma as a teenager. Most people agree to use it. Then I decided I didn’t like it anymore and changed to a nickname of my full name.

When I went to uni I choose a different nickname which everyone called me.

Formally I still have my long name but informally day to day everyone uses my nickname. I think it’s fine to play with your name and your identity a bit. She can do that without going for the nuclear option of legal name change straight away.

Bertrand your step nieces and nephews all changed their names? All of them? Why?

I have never known anyone change their name in this manner. I do know someone who hated her name but the change was to something very similar (and audibly you’d barely know the difference).

I really don’t think that’s the norm.

@bertrandandrussell my 2 yr old has rejected her given name for an abbreviation I didn’t give her! She shouts that her name is ***. My son HATES his middle name (he’s 6) and has changed it to lollipop.

It's a beautiful name. Has she read Michelle Magorian's 'A Little Love Song'? She's about the right age for it, admittedly it's set in the 2nd WW so might not help on the old fashioned front but it's the book that made me fall in love with the name and put it on my 'future baby name' list - my daughter Rose is currently asleep in the next room

Tell her that she can legally change it when she's 18 but she can ask her friends to call her whatever she wants.

This is what I would do. I think this is quite common with teenagers. My dd, who has a beautiful name, shortened it when going into high school - shortened version is a completely different name on its own - nice but far less distinctive - but way less likely to be mispronounced Everyone loved her name so several family members checked whether they could continue to use the long/different version with her. I said we call her what she wants, not what we want.

No need to do deedpolls etc - she is too young. But she could pick a name to be known by at school. (I know loads of teenage Evas and Avas - very popular here)

It's really not about whether it's a beautiful name or not though, it's about whether OPs DD wants it as her name. I have a supposedly beautiful, classic name that I loathe. It just is not me.
I love my DCs names, of course I do because I chose them, but if they were to decide that their names were not what they wanted, I'd support them in changing them after trying it out as a 'known as' name for a while.

What name does she want to use? Perhaps if you use it occasionally you'll get used to ti and she won't bother actually changing it and i sisting that you do. Use her real name as well.

I hated my name at her age, but grew into it, as they say.

Might she agree to a different nickname such as Roz? I also know a Rose who got called Rosy Posy and then just Posy.

"Bertrand your step nieces and nephews all changed their names? All of them? Why?"
I wish I could tell you what their names were-but they were truly identifying so I can't! But think super-hippy parents.

Rose is a beautiful name and is also very modern at the moment. Ava and Evie are so overused now they may as well be Sarah or Jennifer in the 90s.

If a child has a fixed desire to change their name I can really see no reason at all why they shouldn't. except parental egos, of course

I changed my name by usage at 7. I loathed my name because nobody ever said it right and it was old fashioned and stuffy too. My parents were really supportive. I changed it by deed poll in my 20s. I feel quite bad for my parents now that I basically said their name was a crap choice, but they were great about it to be fair.

I hated my name as a child, now I'm 40
and I love it. I longed to be a Sarah/Louise or Hayley.. mine was very unusual at the time, less so now..

Yes, of course Petulia , not suggesting she shouldn't be allowed to go by a different name if it's really making her unhappy, just offering an idea that might help her view her name more positively if she decides not to change it for now.

I'm certainly not against name changes, loathe my own name and wish I'd had the gumption to change it when I was younger (but have never come up with something I like enough to change it to, plus I'm named after my Gran and wouldn't have wanted to offend her while she was alive).