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I don’t want DD to change her name.
372

LemonBeachTowel · 20/11/2018 15:38

DD is 13. She had recently been saying she wants to change her first name as it is “old fashioned” and says that with our surname it sounds like an old ladies name. I’m heartbroken as it is a name we picked for her because we loved it. We can’t really shorten her name and we’ve never used the associated nickname. I just can’t my head around calling her something else. AIBU to keep calling her by her name?

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Jamhandprints · 20/11/2018 21:49

Would she consider Rosa, Roseanna or Evie-Rose/ Ava-Rose as a temporary name change? Lots of my friends changed their names at this age but most went back to their normal names when they started uni.

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iwantasofa · 20/11/2018 21:50

It's her name, not yours. She can call herself whatever she wants.

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PinkSquidgyPig · 20/11/2018 21:50

Yikes, my 10 year old is Rose. I make a habit of showing/telling her of any strong 'Rose' role models I can find as I think it could be perceived as old fashioned or as overly girly. Not my style, or her's.
Rosie Boycott, journalist
Rose of Dr Who fame!
Rose Burgendy (rapper, yeah I had to google that!
Rose Dix (actress, 24)
Just a few to start with.
Tell her to wait until she's 18 and then she's welcome to change it. I suspect she won't by then.

However I think that Rose is one of those names that is always in use. So don't see it as either on trend or outdated. It's an enduring name.

I have an ordinary name, but spelt slightly differently to how you would expect. That's been an irritant my whole life. But I can't imagine changing it. It's who I am and I can't imagine being someone else ... x

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SleepNGrow · 20/11/2018 21:51

'Can I forever change my identity and carry round a deed poll and birth certificate and explain my name change in every future application for ID, because I want the latest trendy name?' No.

I've changed my name by deed poll twice. First time surname, second time after I got married and thought while I was doing it I may as well change my first and middle names officially to what I had been known as for years.

It was quite simple and I certainly don't have to carry my deed poll and birth certificate and explain my name change in every future application for ID.

It's very easy.

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greendale17 · 20/11/2018 21:52

I agree with your daughter. Personally I can’t stand the name Rose. Conjure up images of old women in nursing homes

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namechangeforthisobviously · 20/11/2018 21:56

I changed my name when I was 14. My mum didn’t want me to, but I did it anyway. You don’t need to do it by deed poll, you just need to make a statuary declaration and have it witnessed by a solicitor. I’m 44 now, so 30years on and i’m Still glad I changed it. I love the name I chose.

It did take my mum a good twenty years to accept it.

LOoking back it was definately a symptom of teenage rebellion and desire to define my own indentity distinct from my childhood and family.

Possibly just be glad she’s not binding her breasts and changing her pronouns ?

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WhyAmISoCold · 20/11/2018 21:57

Rose is a lovely name!

I wouldn't let her change it until she is 18. Once she is an adult she can what she likes. As a child, she does what parents say. She may change her mind in 5 years. I would be called Nancy if I'd been allowed to change my name. I went off that though.

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Pinkruler · 20/11/2018 21:59

Agree Rose is a lovely name - Ava and Evie are still old ladies names imo, but more common and not as nice.

DD wants to change her middle name and we are not to reveal it to her friends on pain of death, we've said she can change it herself by deed poll when old enough.

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MinniesAndMickeysNeedCounting · 20/11/2018 22:00

I really don't understand why posters keep saying oh Rose is a lovely name or suggesting Rose inspired alternatives, it doesn't matter if you like it.
Bizarre

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RandomObject · 20/11/2018 22:04

I would say not until she's an adult. Her feelings towards a more mature sounding name will likely change and when she's older she might regret not having a classic name because she decided to be Kendall or some other currently fashionable celebrity.

I'm the opposite to most-my parents gave me a full christian name they didn't like, hoping to shorten it, but I completely refused. They got over it and love my name now.

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TracyBeakerSoYeah · 20/11/2018 22:05

It sounds like the problem is actually that her sister in law has a very similar name: Rose & Rosa.
Or has your Daughter always disliked her name?

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recklessgran · 20/11/2018 22:07

I can sympathise in a way OP. This might be a bit outing but one of my DD's changed her name by deed poll as an adult because she was worried that it was too "middle class" for credibility in her line of work.
I still call her Kitty but everybody else calls her by her new name. I explained to her that she will always be my little Kitty and I wasn't being disrespectful but I simply couldn't call her anything else. We are very close and she is completely happy with the arrangement. Just go with the flow OP and try not to take it personally.

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Jlynhope · 20/11/2018 22:08

I changed my name at age 23. I'm so glad I did! For me it was a new start and to separate myself from my childhood. I have no regrets other than it's awkward if I meet someone who hasn't seen me since I was a child/teen. I would never go back though.

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JaffaBiscuitNotCake · 20/11/2018 22:11

Rose is my middle name and I hated it as a child. Was so embarrassed if anyone found out. I also disliked my first name, which is very common now but not when I was young. And to top it off I also hated my surname.

I'm now nearly 40 and fine with my first and second names, still hate my surname though.

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grincheux · 20/11/2018 22:14

I hated my name when I was growing up too. First name and last name start with the same letter, sounds like a cartoon character or something... But now I'm older I love it, gutted to have to be changing it when I get married next year! Maybe tell her to wait til she's 18 and can legally do what she likes with it.

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lazysummer · 20/11/2018 22:23

My daughter is Rose. She also hated it at that age- she called herself Roxy or an abbreviation of her middle name. Most people called her Rosie. She is now an adult, and really likes her name (as far as I know!). It's a lovely name!

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KennDodd · 20/11/2018 22:24

I'd let her chance her name and don't understand why you see this as a problem. Don't do any of the legalities, just start calling her by her chosen name and to those who say she might regret it, well so what, if she does regret it she can just change it back.

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IHopeThisIsAGoodIdea · 20/11/2018 22:26

Has she seen Titanic?

Maybe that's why she thinks it's an old name...

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roisinagusniamh · 20/11/2018 22:29

I changed my name iny twenties . My first be was boring and way too common. It didn't feel like 'my' name as all as so many girls had it.
My family still call me by that name but everyone else calls me by by chosen name.

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WinterfellWench · 20/11/2018 22:38

I think Rose is a lovely name. Rosemary AND Rose. Rosie though, not so much. Sounds a bit naff/childish.

I think some names that are named after flowers are nice, (as kids AND adults,) but some are a bit naff as adults.

Lily is nice.
Rose is nice
Daisy is nice.
Poppy is nice.
Jasmine is OK.
Holly is nice.
Hazel and Heather and Ivy and Iris are all OK but a tad frumpy.

Petunia not keen.
Marigold NO!
Dahlia nope.
Hyacinth no again!
Petal and Violet. NO!
Azalea no.
Acacia no.
Begonia and Blossom no!
Saffron and Bluebell no!

So yeah SOME 'flower' names are OK, others not so much!

As for a child of 13 changing her name. She can't even do that til she is 16 anyway!

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wizzler · 20/11/2018 22:40

I would get her to think through the implications with you. How would she tell friends, school, people she doesn't see much? . How will she deal with people who persist with the old name. When would be the best time to make the change etc. I think then at least you know she has thought it all through. Then as suggested by a pp.. let her do it unofficially for 6 months .

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FascinatingCarrot · 20/11/2018 22:45

Did you pick the name just because you loved it? Im saying that because if theres a personal link (family etc) it may mean more to her.
If its Ethel Agnes because you loved the name only then Im inclined to agree with her Grin

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AutumnEvenings · 20/11/2018 22:57

My DH changed his name to his middle name when he left home at 16 and started a new life in the armed forces. From then on everyone he met at work and socially knew him only by his new name. The family still use his first name, it worked for him. Maybe DD might wait until she leaves school and makes a clean break.

On the subject of old fashioned names coming back, I recently heard of a new baby being called Enid. It was a family name, but hard to see that it will be popular with the child growing up in a modern society.

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FrogmarchMyBaggyPants · 20/11/2018 23:41

@grincheux If you are gutted about changing your name when you get married, then don't. It's not law, it's a choice whether you decide to change your name. You don't have to.

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abacucat · 20/11/2018 23:46

I would hate to be called Rose. It is a very traditionally feminine name, which is fine if it fits your personality. But not if it does not.

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