I don’t want DD to change her name.
LemonBeachTowel · 20/11/2018 15:38
DD is 13. She had recently been saying she wants to change her first name as it is “old fashioned” and says that with our surname it sounds like an old ladies name. I’m heartbroken as it is a name we picked for her because we loved it. We can’t really shorten her name and we’ve never used the associated nickname. I just can’t my head around calling her something else. AIBU to keep calling her by her name?
UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 20/11/2018 18:28
You can call yourself what you like (within reason!) without officially changing your name. Your real name only has to be in official documents.
If I were you I'd say to her she can be known as whatever name she chooses, then if she still wants to officially change her name at 18 then she can do so?
Greggers2017 · 20/11/2018 18:30
Aren't children funny.
My step-daughter is call Rosalie but hates that and insists on being called Rose and she is 10.
I was never called by my full first name, I hated it but it is a name that can have lots of shortened/nicknames.
ForalltheSaints · 20/11/2018 18:32
Gideon Oliver Osbourne changed his name at 13. Surely if you tell the DD about the kind of person like him who changes his name, it will put her off.
Unless she is a budding Tory politician.
AnoukSpirit · 20/11/2018 18:35
Writing it off as a phase is patronising and a bit smug. I can think of quite a lot of people I know who changed their names as teenagers to perfectly sensible names they have continued to use throughout adulthood.
I don't see the difference between deciding to use a middle name instead of your first name, picking a nickname/shortened form that sounds nothing like your full name, changing the spelling of your shortened form, changing from one shortened form to another, or picking a new name entirely. But somehow some of those things nobody gives a second thought to, and others it is apparently acceptable to make smug comments about teenage "phases". Especially as if you try to change your name informally, and without parental support, you get smug adults refusing to use it. Changing it informally is only good to ensure she's happy with the choice, not as a long term measure.
The name you gave her will always be on her birth certificate. But it's her life. She has to live with this name, she has to write it down all the time and use it to introduce herself to others and to identify herself officially. It's crap having to use a name you dislike and that doesn't feel like "you" when there's a perfectly simple resolution.
My mum initially expressed a similar sadness to you, op, about my name being changed officially - even though she was happily using the new name - but it's done now. I only regret not doing it sooner, and it would have been easier if I had done it before I got qualification certificates like a pp said. I haven't once regretted changing it, and have been much happier and more settled now I don't have to maintain my old name officially and nobody can refuse to use my chosen name. (Yes, you would be exceedingly unreasonable and cruel to refuse to respect her if she changes her name.)
So what if there are bigger problems in the world? There will always be somebody with a bigger problem than you, but that doesn't mean what's happening in your life doesn't matter. No need to play the martyr when it can be fixed. Life's tough enough without making it unnecessarily harder for ourselves.
BertrandRussell · 20/11/2018 18:40
My step nieces and nephews all changed their names to start secondary school. Their mother was upset but said it was their choice.
Bluetrews25 · 20/11/2018 18:45
I wonder if any of the Geldof/Yates, Andre/Price or Oliver broods feel the same?
All parents like the names they have chosen, otherwise they wouldn't have given them Let her call herself what she wants, she has to 'wear' it.
BeanBagLady · 20/11/2018 18:46
“Hopefully sensible enough to realise that the world has a lot of suffering and having a name that you don’t particularly like (at the moment) doesn’t top the list”
Ditto having a Dd who wants to change a name doesn’t rank highly in the world misery list
We do our best when we name our kids, and of course choose a name we love. But we don’t know what their character will be, how it will suit them, how tastes will change and how they will feel.
There are posters on another thread seriously suggesting that a newborn girl be given ‘Malcolm’ as a middle name to ‘honour ‘ her grandfathers. How the hell is a child supposed to feel about a decision like that? Talk about children being the vehicle for other people’s choices.
TinklyLittleLaugh · 20/11/2018 18:49
Rose was my first choice for DC1, but he turned out to be a "he", and then my bestie stole my name for her baby (who is my Goddaughter). When DD1 came along she got Rose as a middle name, but I've always had slight regrets about not using it for her first name. I think it's a very cool classic timeless name.
However a Rose by any other name....
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 20/11/2018 18:50
I think the name rose is a lovely name I think she should keep it I have a friend who’s called Rosie and she calls herself Ro. My niece is called Evie. I’m not a massive fan of my first name I’m called Kathryn but everyone calls me Kate or Katie I’ve never been known by my full name.
Chickychoccyegg · 20/11/2018 18:50
13 year old girls can be complete drama queens!!!
I'd say you can change it when you're 18, until then tough, she'll no doubt grow out of it, my 13 year old dd often tells me she hates her name, it's awful, ect, but her name is quite a popular name, i think she thinks she's annoying me by saying she hates it (she doesn't, I'm not bothered one bit , it's a lovely name) and she has no intention of changing x
(I wouldn't take it any more seriously because she's said she hates it, that's just generally how a lot of 13 year old girls describe things)
Carpetglasssofa · 20/11/2018 18:54
Get some popcorn in and watch Titanic with her. Absolutely do not bring up names at any point. See if she still wants to change it a few days later.
HighwayDragon1 · 20/11/2018 19:01
I used a shortened version of my frankly ridiculous first name at around 13, I cringed whenever people found out my 'real' name. I officially changed it at nearly 30 and I've never felt so liberated.
This is not about you.
WinterfellWench · 20/11/2018 19:02
I hated my name when I was growing up as it was very unusual. Now however, I love it, and so does everyone I know. And my kids think it's an awesome name (and so do their pals.)
Sorry your daughter hates her name. Not sure what to suggest.
AlmostAJillSandwich · 20/11/2018 19:03
I can see why she hates it, i hate all flower names and find them old fashioned,. I'd want to change it too, and rosie is too little girl sounding imo too.
I have always hated my first name, and go by a different shortened version (think kate instead of katrina), and always will.
She's the one has to live with it, she should be allowed to change it at 16. No harm letting her go by a name til then, and either the phase passes or she is serious.
Sparrowlegs248 · 20/11/2018 19:04
I think the cooling off period is sensible. I have a nice name, but wanted to change it to something more modern. Like Nicola. Nn Nikki. The K's were important. Equally, my sister wanted to change hers to Bernadette, nn Bernie. Neither of us did.
Spotsbeforemyeyes · 20/11/2018 19:06
My DD is called Emily. I really dislike the name. I didn't choose it but dh didn't like my choices so his mum suggested Emily. I just said fine.
Changing her nappy at 2 days old I double barrelled her name with her middle name and was cooing at her, D's was 2 at the time, he misheard me, called her a mispronounced version of her first and middle names and she's been that ever since. She's almost 14 now.
Only teachers and very new friends call her Emily although some school friends call her the used name. No-one else has the name as it's completely made up by D's. She even has Nick names of the used made up name.
drspouse · 20/11/2018 19:09
I changed my name to a different nickname for my name when I was 11. Changed it back when I was 12. All part of growing up I think.
Maybe compromise on a nickname or initials?
Rachelover40 · 20/11/2018 19:11
Let her call herself what she likes, she'll outgrow it. Nothing to be heartbroken about.
violeticecream · 20/11/2018 19:14
Would she like Rosanna?
Evilspiritgin · 20/11/2018 19:22
I wanted be called Jill at that age after the ruby Ferguson books ( I loved horses)
Allthewaves · 20/11/2018 19:27
I know a Rose that calls herself Roz.
Unescorted · 20/11/2018 19:29
I lothe my name. No one calls me it. My family and friends call me by my nickname and professionally I am known by my middle name. As I say to my parents if they love the name so much I will download the deed poll forms for them to change their names.
Rockbird · 20/11/2018 19:32
Obviously if she doesn't like it she doesn't like it. But it's funny that she thinks Ava and Evie are more modern. Our school is falling down with Rosas, Rosies, Roses, Avas and Evies! In equal numbers!
SPR1107 · 20/11/2018 19:36
I love the name Rose (and I'm not 'old'), we are considering calling our own child that.
Maybe you should show her some of the comments on this post, about how many people think it's a lovely name!
I would have a chat with her and say, if you feel this way at 16 we will review it then. She would get more questions from other children to change it at this late stage of school.
She has also chosen names that I would class as similar in era to her own. Maybe someone has made a comment and made her a bit insecure perhaps?
Fallingout · 20/11/2018 19:41
What a shame. Rose is lovely, I’ve only met one. There are plenty of Rosie’s and so many Ava’s and Evie’s. I’d not be brilliantly happy with those choices as they are very lovely but well used and from the same era as Rose!
My daughter used her middle name aged 13, her first name was too well used. Her middle name was pretty but far less frequently heard. Some people picked it up quickly but I was forever forgetting. She has now gone to college and gone back to her original first name! I think School was a big factor in how she felt.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.